


Every little thing.

by Tribbs



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Bottom Dean Winchester, Curtain Fic, Dean Winchester Cries During Sex, Fluff, Hand Jobs, Humor, Kissing, M/M, Men Crying, Mental Health Issues, Relationship Discussions, Retirement, Rimming, Sam Winchester is a Saint, Semi-Public Sex, Top Castiel (Supernatural), Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-27 03:55:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 42,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21385684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tribbs/pseuds/Tribbs
Summary: Dean hasn't been doing well since being possessed by Michael. His temper flares at the slightest provocation and after almost lashing out at Jack, Cas is splitting his time between Jody's and the bunker when Jack moves to Sioux Falls in order to try and keep the peace in the bunker.During yet another fight with Cas, Dean breaks down and admits he needs help. Sam and Cas are worried, and vow to help him.While Dean considers retirement, they plan a family camping trip to try to enjoy the world they saved. Dean is dealt a blow when he realises his feelings towards Cas are more than friendly and then receives the bombshell that Cas has been in love with him for a long time. It's a lot to cope with and Dean struggles to work out what he really wants from life and from Cas.*Canon divergent. Jack killed Michael without using up his soul. Mary didn't die and Chuck didn't show up.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 28
Kudos: 172





	1. Breaking point.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! *waves*
> 
> I got a massive case of writers block on my WIP's, so I wrote a couple of other fics instead. This one is complete. Yep, has an ending and everything! And it's not an AU! This fic isn't as angsty as the summary makes out, and I don't solve everyone's problems with the power of love. Dean has to work on himself and engage in a bit of self reflection. Basically it's the start of his healing process. I'll be posting this over the next few hours. 
> 
> Comments and Kudos are welcome, if not necessary. It's food and water for fic writers.

_ **Every little thing.** _

Deans eyes were dry and beginning to itch, the book he was reading supposedly had an easier way to trap a variety of monsters, but he was finding it difficult to get past the dry text to get to the really useful info. He sat back and rubbed his eyes, then rubbed his sore neck and shoulders with a sigh.

“Ugh, this is bullshit.” he whined, pushing the book away from himself.

Sam looked up from the laptop with a frown. His eyes settled on the book Dean had been reading and he grimaced.

“_Worthington's: Beestes of the pyt. _Yeah, it's really badly written, but the diagrams in the back are pretty interesting. I'd like a chance to try out some of those traps. Although I'm pretty sure the trap they have for shifters doesn't work.” he said with a shake of his head and a small smirk.

Dean picked the book up and flicked through until he found the diagram Sam was talking about. He studied it for a moment before laughing out loud.

“Hah! I see what you mean. This so called 'trap' is basically graffiti saying _I have a small dick. _Man, I'm glad we learned the basics of warding from Cas, at least we know how to spot a fake.” he chuckled and Sam huffed a laugh.

Sam ran his hands over his face and pushed his hair back, stretching his torso and yawning widely. “I'm gonna hit the shower, and then make a run to town for groceries. Anything you want in particular?” he asked, looking at Dean who was now massaging his temples.

“Yeah, grab some painkillers, we're low on ibuprofen and aspirin. Oh, and I need toothpaste and deodorant.” Dean said, screwing up his face in thought. He was so tired. The research part of a hunt had never been particularly thrilling, but these days it was akin to torture and even the physical parts of the hunt didn't hold much for him now. He had seen enough bloodshed for several lifetimes.

The door to the bunker clanged and Castiel's distinctive shuffling footsteps could be heard making their way down the iron staircase. He gave his signature half smile as he stepped up into the library, his arms full of grocery bags.

“Hey, Cas. How's Claire?” Sam asked, standing up to relieve the angel of one of the bags.

“Fine. Although I apparently scare off any potential suitors with my 'creepy vibe' so I am no longer allowed to accompany her to bars.” Cas grumbled, placing the other bag on the table. “I noticed you were running low on some things, so I stopped in town on my way back. I hope that was okay.” he said, digging through the bag and holding up a tube of toothpaste and a stick of deodorant, both of which were their usual brands

Dean grinned. “Thanks, buddy. You saved Sam a trip, he was just gonna go and grab some stuff.” he said, standing up with a groan.

Cas moved around the table and stood in front of Dean, he seemed to study him for a moment before shaking his head and placing two fingers on Deans temple.

Dean sighed with relief as the headache that had been blooming behind his eyes and the ache in his neck and shoulders eased in seconds. The pleasant tingle that followed and rolled down his spine made him shudder. “Thanks, man.” he said gratefully.

“You may need glasses if you insist on reading some of these books.” Cas chided mildly. “Also, these chairs are not made for men of your stature, both you and Sam have to hunch over and it puts tension into your neck and shoulders.” he said, glaring at the offending chairs as if he was considering smiting them.

Sam chuckled. “That's a given wherever we go, Cas. Not just here.” he shrugged.

Cas nodded. “All the more reason to make your home fit around you. It seems ridiculous that you should suffer for no reason.” he said, moving to place two fingers on Sam's temple and healing the cramped muscles in Sam's back.

“That sounds expensive. Not like anyone pays us, Cas. We got the recliners in the Dean cave and they are fine for us. Should I start shopping for doilies and scatter cushions next?” Dean sneered nastily, grabbing the grocery bag from the table and walking towards the kitchen.

“You have credit cards, put them to use. Do you have any more excuses I can refute? Or will you just drop the crap for once?” Cas rumbled out, rolling his eyes and sighing heavily. He looked done with it all.

Dean stopped and turned, his mouth dropping open in surprise. “Did you just sass me?” he barked angrily.

Cas gave him an unimpressed look. “You are not my authority figure, therefore I cannot 'sass' you. I am merely using my hard earned free will to call it as I see it. You seem hell bent on suffering needlessly to maintain your masculine image. Suffering is not a masculine trait, but it is an unnecessary and idiotic one.” he snapped.

Sam's eyes widened and he began to back away, not willing to be dragged into another of these arguments. He hurried towards the kitchen as Dean began winding himself up to reply. This one looked like it would be a doozy, Cas had hit Dean right in his most vulnerable spot. Dean took his masculinity very seriously. Sam thought that maybe he should find a reason to leave the bunker anyway. Outer Mongolia was probably nice this time of year.

“You've been talking to Claire, she always fills your head with this crap!” Dean burst out, his fury evident by his red face and his gritted teeth.

Cas narrowed his eyes. “She has nothing to do with this, Dean. She merely pointed out the pitfalls of toxic masculinity and the effect it has on society. It places men and women under unreasonable restrictions for no good reason. Look at yourself, I merely suggested that you make yourself comfortable, and you perceived it as a threat to your manhood. Can you not see how ridiculous that is?” he shouted back uncharacteristically.

Sam had almost made it out of the door to safety when he paused in shock as he watched the fight go out of Dean. He staggered back as if he had been hit.

Dean slumped and sat down suddenly, tears in his eyes. Sam looked at Cas who looked mortified at making his friend cry.

Dean covered his face as a sob broke out. “I know. I know. It's all bullshit, and I'm tired. I'm so fuckin' tired.”

Cas moved forward slowly, as if approaching a scared animal. “Dean, I- I'm sorry. I never meant-” he started, reaching for his friend.

“Don't!” Dean snarled, tensing up and Cas halted, dropping his hand.

Dean shook his head. “No- No. I meant, don't apologise. You were tryin' to be kind. Like you always do. An' I shit all over it, like I always do. You didn't do anything but rightly call me out on it.” he said, his voice hitching.

Sam's eyes were in danger of bulging out of his head at his brothers admission. It showed that something had been brewing for a long time in his head. He had mellowed for a few years, but just recently had seen a resurgence of his meat head tendencies and his temper was flaring more often.

“Dean, it's okay. You've been through a lot lately, we all have.” Sam said gently, coming further into the room.

“It's no excuse though, is it? You don't get angry and take it out on me or Cas, do you? I don't see Cas smashing the place up when things don't go his way. I can't keep doin' this, man. I just can't.” Dean said, looking defeated.

“Is it because of Michael?” Cas asked softly, kneeling on the ground next to Deans chair.

“No. Well, partly. It's worse now, but it's always been there, Cas. I'm just so angry all the time.” Dean admitted.

“When he possessed you, it took away something, your sense of self. He was especially cruel in that he didn't even let you sleep or create a safe dream for you to escape to. You were left alone inside yourself, helpless to stop him.” Cas guessed wisely.

Dean broke down. His shoulders shaking as he covered his face as he sobbed. Sam's lip began to tremble and his eyes went glossy as he too became emotional. “Jesus, Dean. Even Lucifer wasn't that malicious.” he choked out.

“Michael is utterly without mercy. It just doesn't even enter his mind to consider it. He is absolute. When he broke the deal he made with Dean, he didn't do it out of malice. He did it because he didn't consider Dean to be anything other than a tool for him to use.” Cas said bitterly. “The cruellest torture is indifference.”

Dean mumbled something unintelligible to Sam's ears and Cas murmured an apology. “I'm sorry, you're right. I shouldn't talk as if you were not here.” he said, placing his hand on Deans shoulder and squeezing.

“What do you need, Dean?” Sam asked gently. “Whatever you need, we'll do our best for you.” he promised.

Dean sat back, wiping at his face and looking defeated. “I dunno, man. But, I think I need a break.” he admitted reluctantly, not meeting the eyes of either of the other men. He suddenly looked older than his forty years, hollowed out somehow.

Cas looked at Sam who nodded. “We can do that. We don't need to go looking for a fight when the bad guys aren't breaking down the door.” Sam agreed, his voice a little strained with worry for his brother and knowing that he would have to stop hunting for a while too, or Dean would feel obligated to continue.

“Is there anything else?” Cas asked gently, his eyes soft.

“I dunno. I'm just tired. Ain't been sleepin' too well.” Dean said, his voice hoarse. “Probably slept about 2 hours in the last three or four days.”

Cas stood up, pulling Dean up with him. “That I can help with. Come with me.” he said, pulling Dean along by the hand as he headed towards the bedrooms.

“Wha- Cas? What are you doin'?” Dean objected, although he made no move to remove his hand from Castiel's.

Cas stopped and turned to him with a raised eyebrow and a head tilt. “You need sleep, Dean. I am merely going to help you achieve that. Will you accept my help or not?” he asked, giving Dean the choice.

Dean looked uncomfortable. “I mean, I don't like asking you to use your mojo for that shit, you only have so much, and it feels like I'm using you.” he said, shrinking in on himself as he spoke and not meeting Cas' eyes.

Cas shook his head. “Thank you, but I did, in fact, offer, you didn't ask. It doesn't affect my 'mojo' in the slightest. If you are concerned for me, then you needn't worry. Do you trust me?” he asked, gently.

Dean nodded. “Yeah, man. But- this still feels weird.” he insisted.

Sam realised he was superfluous to this conversation and probably making Deans discomfort worse, so he cleared his throat and picked up the groceries. “I'll just put these away and make some dinner, it'll be ready when you wake up.” he promised, sharing a look with Cas that told him they would be having a chat later, once Dean was asleep.

Dean shifted uncomfortably, picking at his fingernails and chewing his lip until Sam left the room, when he finally met the angels eyes.

“I feel like a child being put to bed after a tantrum.” he griped, then laughed at the absurdity of the situation.

Cas huffed a small laugh. “Perhaps, but you need sleep, Dean. Going without sleep is very dangerous for humans, it can have severe detrimental effects on your physical and mental health. I can help you. All it takes is one touch and you can have uninterrupted, dreamless sleep for however long you want.” he said moving closer into Deans space. “There is no shame in asking for help.” he added softly.

Dean sighed. He knew the lack of sleep was making him feel unglued and his emotions were right on the surface, not exactly new behaviour. He'd never burst into tears in an argument with Cas or anyone before though, that was a first. Maybe it was time to let go of the bullshit.

“Okay.” he whispered, giving Cas a quick nod. “Alright, I'll admit, I need help. I need some sleep, I need a break.”

Cas smiled softly. “Lets go. I promise, you'll only be out for a couple of hours. Sam and I will have dinner ready and then we'll talk a little more later, okay?”

Dean smiled. “Thanks, Cas. For being cool about this, and for not y'know, mind whammying me right here in the library and throwing me over your shoulder before dumping me in my room.” he joked.

Cas smirked. “That was plan B.” he said smoothly, before walking off towards the bedrooms.

*******************

Sam put the groceries away. Cas hadn't done too bad of a job, they had the ingredients for spaghetti and he'd even bought ground meat for meatballs. He lifted up a wedge of Parmesan cheese and sniffed it. It was pretty good quality, Cas hadn't skimped on anything, he'd bought the best quality of everything they needed. Even the toilet paper was the fancy, soft kind, not the cheap 2-ply they usually grabbed. He chuckled at the thought of an angel comparing toilet paper in the aisle of the supermarket.

He picked up the toiletries and noticed even the razors were the more expensive brand, the kind with the protective moisturising strip, he rolled his eyes. Cas had probably noticed the 'protective' wording on the packaging and decided that even when shaving, protecting the humans was of utmost importance. There was something both disturbing and reassuring about that, but ultimately sweet.

Deciding that putting the toiletries away could wait, he filled the coffee machine and flicked the switch, listening to the gurgling as the machine brewed a fresh pot. He leaned against the counter and chewed his lip as he worried about his brother.

Dean had always had a temper, and he never backed down from an argument, ever. He'd apologise later if he was wrong, but during an argument? No way, he'd keep escalating until someone walked out, or worse, died. For him to break down in the middle of a fight meant that something was wrong. For him to admit something was wrong, meant that something was _very_ wrong. He considered calling everyone in to consult, but dismissed the idea immediately. Dean would just clam up again and say he was fine, probably refuse further help. It was down to him and Cas to help for now.

**************

Dean had been so eager to get some sleep, he had simply undone and stepped out of his jeans on the way to his bed, kicking them off with a stumble before falling onto the mattress face first.

Cas hadn't batted an eyelid, he had simply picked the jeans up and emptied the pockets onto Deans desk, even going so far as to plug Deans phone into the charger and setting it to silent.

Dean lifted his head as he watched the angel carefully fold the jeans and place them over the back of the chair next to the bed.

“You didn't need to do that, Cas.” he grumbled.

Cas shook his head as he placed the loose change in the jar on Deans desk. “I know.” he said quietly with a small shrug.

Dean huffed a laugh. “Thanks, man.” He watched Cas move about his room, straightening things and tidying as if he belonged in that space. A long way from when he used to just hover awkwardly and stare.

“How do you know where everything goes?” Dean wondered aloud.

Cas paused as he gently placed a vinyl disc back into it's sleeve and looked at Dean. “I've noticed you do all of these things previously. You like things in a particular way and rarely deviate. Sam is the same, although he places all of his trinkets in a box, under his bed. You like to be able to see them. I assume that it comforts you when they are in your line of sight. I assume that Sam feels comfort with them hidden away, where they cannot be broken or taken.” he said, his voice soft and unsure. He looked away and to the floor as if he was worried that he had crossed a line somehow.

Dean gaped. “Oh. That's- You- I'm not sure how I feel about that, if I'm honest.” he stammered out, feeling a little exposed. “So, you notice every little thing, huh?” he said, propping himself up on his elbows and studied the angel.

Cas nodded, and placed the album back into the stack, where they were organised by year. He fussed about with the stack, lining the corners up perfectly. He looked as if he was waiting for Dean to explode.

“I can't help it. I'm an angel. I notice everything. I don't always understand it, but I do notice. It has taken me many years to understand the majority of the things you and Sam do. It helped when I became human for a time. I found myself understanding a lot of things about humanity, and about myself. I loved humanity before, but now I find myself truly admiring you.” Cas said, he seemed a little shy to admit it, his voice almost at a whisper.

Dean couldn't help it, he smiled. “You've come a long way, buddy. Me and Sam wouldn't know what to do without you now.” he said, scratching idly at his neck.

Cas shook his head and huffed a laugh. “Get into a lot more trouble than you already do, I imagine.” he said with a long suffering sigh. He moved over to stand next to the bed. “Are you sufficiently warm, or do you need a blanket?” he asked, frowning at the way Dean was sprawled on top of the covers.

Dean rolled his eyes. “Jeez, _Mom_. I'm good, really. I run hot when I sleep. Usually end up kickin' the covers off anyway.” he reassured the angel. “Why? You gonna watch over me like the old days?” he asked jokingly.

Cas froze and slowly turned to face Dean fully, his expression was unreadable. “Did you want me to do that?” he asked, his voice catching slightly.

Dean snorted. “No, Cas. I trust you and everything, but it'll never not be creepy to watch someone sleep. No offence.” he said shaking his head.

Cas nodded. “None taken.” he said hurriedly. “Okay, whenever you are ready, Dean.” he dropped to one knee at the side of the bed. “I'll send you to sleep for two hours, I can also help you sleep tonight and for as long as you need me to.” he promised, his eyes soft.

Deans cheeks went a little pink and he chuckled nervously as he laid his head on his arms and shuffled a little to get comfortable. “Thanks, Castiel, angel of Ambien. It's a little bit of a drop from commanding armies to helpin' one human get some shut eye, isn't it?” he joked.

Cas shrugged. “Perhaps, but they are equally important to me, and that is what matters.” he said, pressing two fingers to Deans head and sending him to sleep before he could answer.

He took a moment to watch Deans face relax, the tension falling from his features and making him look younger. He was suddenly overcome with the urge to drop a kiss onto Deans now smooth brow. He chuckled at the absurd image it brought up and stood.

Ignoring Deans earlier protestations, he dragged a blanket from the bottom of the bed and gently laid it over the sleeping hunter, covering him to the waist and quietly left the room, pulling the door closed behind him.

He stood outside Deans door, listening to the sounds of Deans slow breaths and regular heartbeat. He was still feeling unsettled by their earlier argument, they regularly bickered, occasionally fought, but he had never seen Dean break as he had today.

Dean had been more on edge since Michael, and his temper burned hotter than usual, navigating a simple conversation had become like walking through a minefield. Everyone had been walking on eggshells, hoping not to spark off one of Deans rages. Cas wondered how they had got to this point without a serious incident. They had simply tried to move on, but Dean had somehow been left behind. It was no wonder the man was falling apart.

He headed to the kitchen where he knew Sam would want to discuss the whole thing. Although he loved Sam, considered the man a brother to him, he could be exhausting, even to an angel. He would worry every point to death and blame himself. He would insist on having a plan to help Dean before the man even woke up. Cas had no intention of deciding for Dean, there had been enough people making Deans decisions, it was time the man decided for himself. With that in mind, he walked a little faster to the kitchen in order to interrupt Sam's brooding.

**************

“Hey, Cas. Did you manage to get him to agree? Is he alright? What did he say to you about what's going on in his head?” Sam fired off a barrage of questions as soon as the angel stepped into the kitchen.

Cas sighed. “He's sleeping, but only for a couple of hours. Then he will come and eat dinner with us and then we will talk.” he rumbled out, reaching for the coffee next to Sam.

Sam frowned. “So, I've been thinking, We need to organise some sort of intervention, Dean needs-” he started before Cas cut him off.

“_Dean_ needs to decide what he wants to do next. He has had enough of his autonomy taken away just recently, don't you think? I will not participate in any decision about Deans future or well-being without his input. Not again. We need to take our cues from him on how to deal with this. It may be that he simply wants a break, he may feel the need for getting away from here for a while or even stopping hunting altogether. But the decision will be his, Sam. Not ours.” Cas said, his voice hard.

Sam reeled as if he had been slapped. “Given the fucking choice, Dean will always choose to put himself last, Cas. We can't let him! I won't let him!” he hissed angrily, his hair flying wildly around his face as he shook with anger.

Cas' expression went hard and his jaw clenched in anger. “It never ceases to amaze me that when things get hard, you Winchesters suddenly forget all about the so called 'Free will' that was so _important_, I left everything I'd ever known in order to achieve it.” he stepped closer to Sam, who shrank back from the anger radiating from the angel. “You believe in it fervently, until its convenient to forget it.” Cas growled out through gritted teeth.

Sam sucked in a breath and looked down at his feet, shame on his features.

Cas felt a wave of shame go through his own body, and he slumped into a chair and dropped his head into his hands. “I- I apologise, Sam. I'm a little unsettled by what happened today as well. It doesn't excuse my behaviour-” he started before Sam interrupted.

“No, Cas. You're right. You said it in a really blunt and shitty way, but, you're right. We have to trust that Dean will let us help him.” he said, reluctantly.

“It all comes back to faith after all.” Cas mused, making Sam huff out a bitter laugh.

“I guess all I can do, is start passing off hunts to other hunters. Other than that, I'm lost, Cas.” said Sam, looking helpless.

Cas stood and walked over to the youngest Winchester. “We all are, Sam. For all my strength and healing ability, I cannot fix your brother. He has to do that himself. We can only be there for him while he does it.” he said sadly, pressing a hand to the taller mans shoulder.

Sam's eyes were glossy. “He's always taken care of me. I just want to do the same for him. He has to let us, Cas. He just has to, I don't know what to do otherwise.” he said, his tone was pleading.

Cas had no answer.

****************

Dean blinked awake, his eyes felt gritty and his mouth was dry. He unglued his tongue from the roof of his mouth and pushed himself up on his elbows to see a glass of water on the night stand next to the bed. The ice in it hadn't melted yet, so he assumed that whoever had left it (probably Cas) had only just left again.

He sat up and drank the water as fast as the ice cubes allowed, draining the glass and dribbling a little water down the side of his neck. He grimaced and rubbed his eyes, trying to untangle his legs from the blanket now twisted around them. He realised that Cas must have covered him after all and rolled his eyes at the angels mother-henning. He swung his legs onto the floor and placed his elbows on his knees, running his hands through his slightly sweaty hair.

He felt a little better than he had earlier. He still felt a little light headed, but his stomach no longer felt like it was trying to eat itself. He sat up fully, scratching at his stomach absently as he stretched his back with a satisfying 'pop'. He flexed his neck and yawned.

He considered taking a shower before dinner, but couldn't will up enough energy to do it.

He sniffed himself and shrugged, not too bad. He doubted either of the others would mind his slight musk. Maybe once he had some food in him, he'd have enough energy to take a quick shower before bed. The two hours he'd just gotten was clearly not enough. But he also knew the exhaustion he felt was not just from lack of sleep.   
  
Michael had broken him faster than all of the demons in hell had managed. He had taken his greatest triumph and turned it into a waking nightmare that he had been powerless to stop. The worst of it was, he only had himself to blame. Cas had tried to warn him, and Dean had accepted the risk that the archangel might try to betray them. But he had been completely unprepared for the overwhelming presence of Michael. His will had left Dean a ruin of himself. He could feel it, the absence of... something. He couldn't even name what _it_ was, but registered the loss all the same. He stood up on shaky legs and grabbed the jeans Cas had left on the back of his chair and pulled them on, deciding at the last minute not to bother with the belt, he pulled it through the loops and dumped it on the chair.

His heart began beating faster at the thought of having to talk about everything with Sam and Cas. He knew he couldn't carry on like they had, but trying to describe something that he didn't have the vocabulary for was going to be hard.

He didn't think he could take seeing Sam or Cas flinch when he lost his temper or the look in either of their eyes when he spewed the poisonous vitriol that horrified him when he calmed down enough to actually think about what he had done and said. He was tired of the facade of _fine_. He was pretty far from fine and lying about it was destroying the family he was desperate to keep together.

Jack had already decided to take an extended stay with Jody in order to get away from the tension at home. Dean had screamed and pulled his fist at the kid for no good reason and Cas had intervened, barely restraining himself from putting Dean through a wall judging by the look on his face. Jack had been bundled off the same day and Cas was splitting his time between the bunker and Jody's until things calmed down. Dean had been horrified when the red mist cleared. Cas had forgiven him, but wouldn't relent and let Jack come home just yet.

Dean supposed he had to earn back the trust he had lost.

****************

“Dean is awake” Cas said idly, as Sam checked the meatballs in the sauce again.

It was telling that the younger brother's shoulders tensed as he prepared himself to see his brother. “Cool, I'll start cooking the noodles, if you wouldn't mind taking care of the cheese, Cas?” Sam asked politely.

“Of course.” was the angels bland reply as he stood up from the table.

Sam turned to see Cas removing his coat and suit jacket and hanging them carefully over the chair he had just vacated. Cas gave him an odd look as Sam stood frozen, just staring as the angel rolled up his shirt sleeves.

Sam blushed and laughed. “Sorry, Cas. It's just weird seeing you out of the coat. I forget that it's not actually part of you.” he said, reaching for the bowls on the top shelf above the counter.

Cas shrugged and opened the fridge, bringing out the cheese and setting it on the counter before reaching back in for the beer.

Sam felt an absurd desire to laugh as the angel pulled six beers out and shut the fridge door with a bump of his hip, like a regular guy and not an almighty angel of the lord.

“The coat _is_ a part of me, in a way. I feel odd without it. But the sleeves tend to get in the way when preparing food, so...” Cas trailed off as Deans shuffling footsteps could be heard in the corridor.

Cas moved to the counter and began to shave the parmesan into a small dish that Sam had set out. Sam lifted the lid of the pot and began coating the meatballs in the sauce again.

“Something smells good.” said Dean from the doorway, he looked a little sheepish.

Sam turned and gave Dean a small smile. “Yeah, Cas got the stuff for Spaghetti and meatballs, didn't skimp on the ingredients either. Even bought the fancy kind of parmesan, not the box kind. He made it, I'm just helping. It's all his recipe too.” he said, giving the angel a wink.

Cas looked uncharacteristically shy as he wrapped the leftover cheese. “It's not my recipe as such. I sometimes watch the food network with Jack, I find it soothing.” he said, putting the cheese into the fridge.

Dean gave a small grin as he sat down at the table. “Oh, man. I love watching the food network. I've got a couple of recipes I'm dying to try out. Saw one for a teriyaki steak rub that looked amazing. Had this salad that went with it that had chunks of orange in it, even I would eat that.” he said, looking wistful.

Cas began laying cutlery on the table. “I think I know which one you're talking about. Was it the barbecue challenge from last Thursday? Jack was intrigued by that as well. Although he was more excited by the dragon fruit sorbet.” he said casually.

Deans eyes lit up. “Oh my god, yes. That's the one. The punch recipe they made looked like it would blow even_ your_ head off.” he joked.

Cas nodded. “Doubtful, but yes, the host looked like they were intoxicated after just a few sips.”

Sam chuckled. “All this talk of food and you don't even eat, Cas. Do you miss it, or something?” he asked, straining the noodles and serving them in the bowls.

Cas looked wistful. “I do, sometimes. It was inconvenient and messy, and some foods were downright disgusting, but some foods were extremely comforting. I don't miss being hungry though. That was unpleasant.” he said with a grimace.

Dean looked guilty and Sam sighed. Neither of them liked the reminder that their friend had been homeless and starving for a time.

“Anything you miss in particular? I know you like PB&J's, but anything else?” Sam asked, spooning meatballs onto the pasta, hissing when hot sauce splattered onto the skin of his wrist.

Cas stood up and took the pan from Sam, checking the taller mans burn and healing it immediately. He gently pushed Sam towards the table and continued serving the food himself. “There was a pizza place near the Gas'n'sip that sold single slices for a dollar. The owner would often let me have two slices even if I did not have enough money to pay for it. He was very kind. I offered him a free coffee whenever he needed gas, but he always declined.” Cas said, putting the pan back on the stove and bringing the bowls of food to the table, placing one in front of each brother.

“Pizza, excellent choice. Can't go wrong with that.” Dean agreed, taking a deep sniff of the food in front of him. “Whoa, this looks amazing.” Cas put the bowl of shaved parmesan on the table and both Sam and Dean took generous handfuls to sprinkle over their food.

Cas took a seat and opened a beer for himself, he sat slouched with one arm draped over the back of the chair as he took a deep gulp of the cold brew. Dean and Sam began to eat with appreciative noises.

“UHMMAHGUD” Dean said, his mouth full and his eyes sparkling.

Sam rolled his eyes at his brother and chuckled. “This is really good, Cas. Thanks for helping. Feel free to shop and cook whenever you like.”

Cas looked a little bashful at the praise. “I'm glad you like it.” he said humbly, stealing a strand of spaghetti from Dean's bowl and dangling it into his mouth. He chewed on it, grimaced and shrugged. “I wish I could enjoy it too.” he lamented.

“Sorry, Cas. It sucks that you can't. Maybe we can find something you can enjoy. Doesn't have to be food, even.” Dean suggested.

Cas looked thoughtful. “Since Jack arrived in our lives I have been trying to give him experiences outside of hunting. He is so young still, I want him to enjoy living in the world that we save on a regular basis. In doing so, I am experiencing these things for myself. Jody and I took the younger ones bowling last night. It was.. interesting.” he said, taking a sip of his beer.

Sam's eyebrows raised and he looked amused. “How'd that go?” he asked with a chuckle.

Cas looked sheepish. “We had to leave when I accidentally broke a bowling ball. Claire thought it was hilarious, but Jody said it could happen to anyone. Although, I'm not sure that's true.”

Dean spluttered out a laugh and Sam looked incredulous. “Do I even want to ask how?” he asked.

“I was not paying attention and picked up the wrong ball. My fingers got stuck and when I tried to pull them out...well, it exploded.” Cas said with a grimace.

“Oh my God.” Dean laughed, his eyes bright with tears.

Sam chuckled and slapped the angel on the shoulder. “Lessen learned. Pay attention when bowling. Is there anything else you wanna try?” he asked, turning back to his meal.

Cas looked thoughtful. “Jack would like to go camping in the wilderness. I confess I have no idea what we need in order to do that. I looked up camping supplies on the internet and the list of items was, frankly exhaustive and bewildering. Taking that much with you surely defeats the purpose, no?” he looked utterly confused.

Dean huffed a laugh. “Yeah, some people like to rough it, bare minimum everything. But some people take everything but the kitchen sink. It depends on what level of comfort you're willing to accept, I suppose.”

Sam smiled. “Then there's glamping, a kind of romanticised version of camping, but with hot showers, hair straighteners and Wi-Fi.” he chuckled.

Dean snorted. “Perfect for you then, Sammy.” he said, shoving a whole meatball in his mouth and chewing obnoxiously.

“Says the man who almost cried when you got a bug bite on your ass.” Sam taunted back.

Dean looked offended. “It was between the cheeks, Sam. It was traumatic for me.” he whined, pointing at Sam with his fork.

Sam rolled his eyes. “I guess you learned your lesson about bug repellent though. I doubt you'll forget again.” he said, twirling spaghetti around his fork.

Dean nodded. “Absolutely.” he agreed.

Cas watched the brothers banter with a bemused look on his face. “So, you don't like camping, Dean?” he asked.

Dean grinned. “Bug bites aside, I love camping, Cas. Wakin' up first thing and getting warm by the fire with a cup of coffee. Fishin' all day, then cookin' your catch. Swimmin' in the lake and sunbathing on the rocks. Makin' smores. Lookin' up at the stars. I'm a bit old to be sleepin' on the ground these days, but hell yeah, I love camping. When I ain’t gotta worry about a wendigo or something.” he said enthusiastically.

Sam smiled softly. “Well, you did say you needed a break, Dean. Summer is in full swing, no better time to go, if you want?” he offered.

Deans eyes widened as he realised that he had no valid reason to refuse. A smile spread over his features and the tension bled from his posture. “You know what? Lets do it. A family camping trip in the wilderness.” he agreed.

“No glamping?” Sam asked slyly.

Dean gave Sam a long look. “No, Sam. Cas and Jack need to experience real camping. But, we ain't sleepin' on the ground. Not if we wanna function.” he stipulated.

“Fair enough.” Sam agreed. “We can pick up a couple of camp beds or something. Wanna write a list of things we're gonna need?” he offered.

Dean nodded. “Yeah, I'll take Cas with me to pick up the gear. It'll make it easier to explain what it's for. That okay with you, Cas?” he asked, nudging the angel.

Cas smiled fondly. “That's fine. I'd better call Jack and tell him what's going on. I'll drive over to Jody's tomorrow night to get him. We'll be back by the following morning.”

Dean's breath hitched. “Will- will you.. uh.” he stammered, his cheeks pinking up a little.

Cas nodded. “I'll help you sleep before I go.” he said quietly. Dean gave the angel a grateful look.

Sam looked proud at his brother for asking for help. He wisely said nothing, instead he dragged the last meatball through the sauce and chewed it thoughtfully.


	2. Accidental admissions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! *waves*
> 
> As promised. Chapter two is here. Poor Cas overhears a conversation and misunderstands completely, leaving him hurting. Dean has struggles of his own, his new policy of emotional honesty bites him on the ass and he worries he may lose the best friend he's ever had.

“This, Cas, is the daddy of coolers. We can fit up to sixty beers in this sucker and they'll still be cool eight hours later.” Dean said, admiring a large red and white box on display at the outdoors man outlet.

“Are we buying it for our trip?” Cas asked, looking completely overwhelmed at the gear surrounding him. Almost everything had buckles and straps and came in various types of camo.

Dean shook his head. “Nah, hate to admit it, but it's too big to fit in Baby. I'm gonna find a smaller one for food though. You can get the ones that are solar powered these days or they charge from a car battery.” he looked around the store “We need a couple of tents, some sleeping bags, some water purifying stuff. Don't wanna get the runs again....” he muttered to himself as he wandered down the aisle leaving Cas standing and looking lost.

An older bearded man in an alarming amount of camouflage approached Cas with a bemused look on his face. “Hello, sir. You're looking a little bit lost. You sure you're in the right place?” he said giving Cas a look up and down and indicating Cas' suit and trench coat.

Cas frowned. “This is where I can purchase camping supplies, is it not?” he asked, tilting his head in confusion.

The man laughed a little too loudly. “Of course, I'm guessin' you want the whole set up, am I right? I can help ya out.” he said, his tone friendly. “So, you know whereabouts you're gonna be goin'? It'll give me a good indication of what type of gear ya gonna need.” he said, steering Cas towards a display where several tents were erected.

“Maine, the 100 mile wilderness.” Cas rumbled out.

The man grinned. “When you goin'?”

“Uh, tomorrow.” Cas answered, fiddling with the strap on a backpack hanging from a carabineer.

The man roared with laughter. “Well, you sure left it to the last minute to gear up. It's a good time of year to go, black fly season is over and the trails ain't crowded yet. But the trail can be dangerous for beginners, You goin' with other people? They know what they're doin' at least?” he said, kindly. “Wouldn't want ya to get hurt on account of ignorance. There's bear and moose and all sorts a' wild animals up there. Not to mention the terrain and the weather. It'd be cruel of me not to warn ya.” the man looked a little worried that Cas might get himself into trouble.

Cas nodded. “My..son wants to go, and my friends are joining us. They have previous experience.” he reassured the man.

“Well, that makes me feel a little better. Didn't want a city boy like yourself gettin' all lost or mauled by a bear or somethin'. An' now I know what sort of gear yer gonna need.” he held out his hand for Cas to shake “Ma names Jake, and I'll see ya right, don't you worry none.”

Cas shook the mans hand firmly. “I am Castiel. Thank you. My friend probably has some idea already, but it's appreciated.”

Dean stepped out from a nearby aisle looking relieved. “There you are, I've been talking to myself for five minutes, I turned around and you'd vanished.” he scolded.

Jake laughed. “Aw, he's alright. Just a little out of his depth. You one of the friends he's goin' with?” he asked.

Dean nodded and approached. “Yeah. Me and my brother. I'm Dean.” he said, shaking the hand that Jake held out.

“I'm Jake, and I'm happy to help ya. So, you gonna be doin' any fishin' on this trip? I got a sale on rods and tackle at the moment.” he offered.

Dean grinned. “I've got a couple of rods that my uncle Bobby gave me and his ancient tackle box. I might have a look at your stuff, I'm thinking we have to catch our dinner at least once to make it a real authentic camping trip, right?” he said enthusiastically, slapping Cas on the shoulder.

Jake laughed. “Man after my own heart. Just eat the little ones though, big ones got mercury in 'em. You gonna do a trip to the coast too? Maybe get yerself a lobster or two? Went up that way with my grandson last year, ate lobster rolls and drank fancy wine till they had to roll me on home.” he laughed as Dean and Cas both shrugged. “Ain't nothin' wrong with splashin' out now and again. But spendin' time with yer family is priceless.” he said looking at Cas. “Yer boy'll be happy that you're makin' the effort for him. These'll be the memories he'll be lookin' back on when he has his own family.” he looked a little wistful.

“I'm hoping so.” Cas said softly. “We're trying to raise him to be a good person.” he said, catching Deans eye.

Dean gave him a soft smile.

“That's good to hear. Too many parents these days don't pay attention, then the kid grows up without basic decency and with hate in their hearts. Then we end up with a god-damn reality star as president.” Jake said with a sigh.

For the next hour, Jake took Dean and Cas through everything they might need. Gave them helpful advice and told them stories of his own adventures. Cas listened attentively, and Dean cracked jokes with the older man that made them both cry laughing.

The bill stacked up as the pile of equipment at the counter kept growing. Dean seemed unfazed, even though Cas was worried that Dean would object to the cost when the time came.

Finally Jake stood in front of Cas and gave him a good look. “Now, Castiel. You got some decent boots for the trail? I doubt you'll be wearin' yer fancy suit and tie, but the trail will chew yer feet without decent hiking boots. Gotta make sure you and yer boy are kitted out right.” he said, gesturing to the rails where there was a selection of outdoor clothing and boots.

Cas looked down at himself. “Ah, yes. I see your point.” he said reluctantly, he looked to Dean anxiously.

Dean chuckled. “Jakes right. We'd better get you something a bit more suited to camping.” he agreed.

Cas looked helpless and Dean took pity on him. “C'mon. I'll help you choose.” he said, gently pushing the angel towards the rails that were jam packed with flannel, jeans and wind-breakers of all colours and sizes.

“I'm gonna go start ringing up yer stuff, boys. Gimme a holla if ya need me or ya can't find anything. Changing rooms over there by the hatchets.” said Jake, heading towards the counter.

“Thanks, Jake.” Dean called out, steering Cas towards the jeans.

“Dean, I-” Cas began to protest.

“He's right, Cas. You can't camp in your usual stuff, you'll stick out like a sore thumb. Just think of it as part of the experience.” Dean soothed the angel.

Cas sighed and nodded. “Fine. But I have no idea what to get.” he said, a trace of a whine in his voice.

“That's why I'm helping you, you big baby.” Dean said, rolling his eyes. “Now, what size pants do you wear?” he asked.

Cas shrugged. “I have no idea.”

Dean sighed heavily. He stepped towards the angel and opened his trench coat wide, looking him up and down him critically.

“You're about the same size as me, maybe a bit shorter in the leg. Okay, I can work from there.” said Dean, dropping the trench coat and turning to the rails.

Dean chose four pairs of jeans of varying designs and sizes and dumped them into Cas' arms, before moving on to a rail of flannels. He dug through them, pulling several out and turning around to see that Cas had wandered off again to look at a crossbow hung on the wall.

“Hey! Get over here, I'm doin' all the work. The least you can do is hold this shit while I find you stuff” Dean hissed.

Cas rolled his eyes and ambled over. He looked unhappy.

Dean looked up as if praying for patience, sighing deeply before looking at the angel with a questioning look on his face.

“What's wrong?” he asked quietly.

Cas looked miserable. “I'll feel uncomfortable not wearing my own clothes.” he confessed, looking at the floor.

A look of understanding crossed Deans face. “I get it. I think I do anyway. Your clothes are part of you and how you see yourself. That's cool, I'm the same with my car. But, _these_ clothes will also be part of you. Just a different part of you, you get me?” he said softly.

Cas nodded. “I do. I think so, anyway.” he said, looking a little brighter.

Dean smiled and pressed a hand onto Cas' shoulder, running it down to his elbow in a comforting gesture. “Okay, I'll grab a couple of t-shirts and then you can go try some these on while I find you some boots, 'kay?” he said, patting Cas on the shoulder.

Cas nodded.

“Good.” Dean said, reaching across to the rail where several t-shirts hung. They were mostly plain, but some had prints or designs. Dean grabbed a couple of each of the plain ones and laid them in Cas' arms.

“Okay, changing rooms over there, try some of these on, kick your shoes off under the curtain so I can see your shoe size and I'll find you some hiking boots. Alright?” Dean said, steering the reluctant angel towards the curtained off area.

Cas disappeared behind the curtain and Dean looked around as he waited, catching Jakes eye and giving the older man an awkward wave.

The sound of Cas stripping from his normal outfit made Dean chuckle as he heard muttered curses from Cas as he fumbled with the unfamiliar clothes.

A shoe suddenly shot out from under the curtain and tapped the side of Deans boot, he knelt down to pick it up and noted the size printed on the sole.

“Size.... 12. You got big feet, buddy. Not as big as Sam's though. Fuckin' sideshow Bob.” he said aloud, so only Cas could hear. He heard a huff of laughter.

“I know who that is.” Cas rumbled from the other side of the curtain.

“Well, you should. I quote enough of the Simpsons that you should know entire scripts and the whole cast by now.” Dean chuckled. Pushing the shoe back under the curtain. “Be back in a sec, Cas.”

He stood up and approached the aisle where there were dozens of different brands of hiking boots and shoes. He picked up a brown leather pair and inspected them. They were pretty nice, not too expensive. Not ideal for hiking, but would go pretty well with the rest of the clothes he'd picked out. Hell, he may even buy himself a pair while he was here. Would it be too weird if he and Cas got matching boots? Nah. Boots were boots.

He strolled back over to the curtain. “Cas? I'm gonna push the boots under so you can try 'em on. Lemme know what you think.” he whispered, doing just that.

“Thank you.” Cas said, sounding frustrated. “One pair of jeans didn't fit me, but I can't get them back on the hanger.”

Dean huffed a laugh. “I'll give you a hand in a minute, buddy. Don't worry. Anything else you need?” he asked quietly.

“No. I just-” Cas paused and huffed in frustration. The curtain was pulled back with a snap and Cas stepped out.

Deans mouth dropped open.

The jeans Cas wore were slim fit and moulded his strong thighs and calves perfectly. The shirt he had chosen was a blue wide striped plaid, left open with a white v-neck t-shirt underneath showing off his flat stomach and broad chest and shoulders. His hair was mussed and he chewed his lip nervously.

“I feel ridiculous.” Cas grumbled.

Dean felt something he'd never felt before. Attraction to his best friend. Full on, want to touch all over, kiss with tongue, attraction.

“You- you look um- great. Yeah.” Dean said dumbly, stepping back and leaning on a rack of shirts for support. He couldn't stop staring Cas' lean torso and bulging biceps.

“Maybe I should find something else.” Cas muttered, looking embarrassed.

“NO!” Dean almost shouted, blushing furiously. “You really do look great. I promise. I wouldn't lie to you about this, I swear.” he said hurriedly. “You look great.”

“Yeah, he does.” came a woman's voice from the other side of the rack Dean was currently holding onto for dear life. Cas and Dean looked over at an older woman who winked at Cas saucily. “If I was but forty years younger, Darlin. I'd give you my number and the keys to my daddies car. Both of y'all is pretty cute.” she cooed. Her white hair was cut in a fashionable crop and her make-up was tastefully done, she wore a similar camo outfit to Jake.

Dean gaped and Cas actually blushed.

“Oh, uh..” Cas started, but struggled to think of anything to say. Dean rarely saw the angel as flustered as he was currently.

Dean recovered first and threw on the charm. “Thank you ma'am.” he said politely as Cas disappeared behind the curtain again. Clearly overwhelmed by the attention.

(He's shy) Dean mouthed at the older lady and winked. She giggled and patted Deans hand sweetly. She smelled of violets and trouble.

“Bless his heart. You boys make a lovely couple. I should introduce you to my son, he's a little younger than you two, but there aren't too many of you folks that are _out _around here. It'd do him good to make some friends. Especially a couple of nice fellas like yourselves.” she said, squeezing Deans hand.

Dean felt the panic rising up and cursed Cas in his head. “We're not- uh.. that is, we're just..” he stammered.

The woman gave Dean an odd look filled with sympathy. “Sweetie, you ain't gotta worry about me or Jake here. We don't give a rats ass who you love. But if you ain't ready, that's fine too, baby. If you say you're just friends, that's your business. I'm just sayin', the way you was lookin' at'cha boy in there, that was not friendly.” she said, arching her eyebrow.

Dean felt the sweat beading on his brow and his cheeks heating up. “Uh, we ain’t like that, Ma’am. We’re just friends.” he said quietly, with a slight edge to his voice. He knew Cas could hear every word with his super angelic hearing and cringed.

“Tell your _friend_, I'm sorry if I embarrassed him, and he can come out whenever he's ready.” she whispered. The double meaning was not lost on Dean and he felt the absurd desire to laugh.

“Thank you, ma'am.” he said, nodding his head.

“Y'all just call me Kitty, Jake over there is the pain in my ass and the love of my life. I'm sorry if I made it awkward for you boys. You just come on over to the counter when you're ready and I'll fix ya up a little discount.” she said, patting Deans hand again before walking away.

Dean waited a moment before approaching the curtain.

“Cas?” he said, lowly.

The curtain opened and Cas was back in his suit, although the trench coat was over his arm. He didn't meet Deans eyes and his cheeks were still a little pink.

“It's okay. Sam and I used to get mistaken for a couple all the time.” Dean chuckled. “Just a matter of time before it happened to us.” he joked, trying break the sudden tension in the room.

It fell flat when Cas just looked more miserable.

“Well, we know those ones fit. So I'll grab another set and we'll get out of here, huh?” Dean changed the subject instead and gathered up the discarded clothes, hurriedly putting clothes back on hangers and separating those to keep and discard.

“Here, hold these ones, I'll put these back and get the others.” Dean said, handing Cas the outfit he had tried on. Cas gave a small nod.

Deans heart was beating so hard he could feel it throughout his whole body. His hands were shaking and he'd broken out in a sweat. Why did he choose now to have a sexuality crisis, and over Cas of all people? Maybe the stress was causing him to act out in weird ways, like suddenly developing a crush on your best friend.

Once they were at the counter, Jake welcomed them and apologised for his wife again. The bill was pretty steep, but Jake gave them a 25% discount and threw in a wind-breaker for Cas for free.

Cas was silent the whole time. Dean thanked Jake for all his help and dismissed any further apologies with a shake of his head and a wave of his hand. The enthusiasm of before was a distant memory though.

After loading the car, Dean suggested getting pizza and Cas shrugged. Dean was getting irritated by Cas' silent sulking, but didn't have the courage to call Cas out. His own confusion over the situation was enough to deal with, without digging too deeply on how Cas felt about it.

On the drive home, Dean cast his mind back to previous times he'd been mistaken for gay. He wasn't enough of a liar to deny that some of those instances were his own fault. Aaron had even used it against him to throw him off. He'd made himself an easy target on more than one occasion.

He'd never really considered himself gay, but the sight of Cas in that outfit had stirred something within him. So much so, that thinking of Cas as a brother set off a wave of revulsion so strong, he almost pulled the car over to vomit.

He couldn't understand where these feelings had come from. They had been best friends for a decade and now suddenly Dean was hot for the angel? He'd seen Cas in other clothes before, hell, he'd seen the guy naked. Although the massive swarm of bees had taken up the majority of his attention at the time, admittedly.

Cas meant as much to him as Sam did. He was family. Dean thought about the way that the angel showed he cared, he noticed things. He'd died for them more than once. Hell, he'd told them outright and neither brother had the courage to say it back. He'd put up with Deans rages and hadn't left. His son was living in a different state, yet he still split his time to make sure the brothers were safe. Maybe it was time to notice every little thing about Cas too.

As for the attraction, well, it was probably just one of those things. No big deal. So he was crushing on Cas a little bit, so what? He was a good looking guy and they'd been through a lot together. No need to complicate things further by freaking out.

He didn't let himself think about why Cas was so quiet.

***************

Sam had been around Dean and Cas enough to know when they were fighting. He knew the nuances enough to know exactly who was at fault each time, when Dean had said something shitty to Cas or when Cas had done something risky and pissed Dean off.

He couldn't figure out the cause of the tension in this case though. This was different. Cas was quiet and looked like a kicked puppy. Dean seemed to be over compensating for it by babbling incessantly. They each avoided looking at the other. There was no snide comments or insults. But the tension was there.

Dean was at the table in the library going through a checklist of what they would need for a week, they had decided to buy provisions when they arrived in Maine, no-one wanted to risk anything spoiling in Baby's trunk.

Dean was almost manic in his enthusiasm and Sam was struggling to keep up, Cas' mood was beginning to feel like a heavy weight and the contrast was beginning to irritate Sam and give him a headache.

“Dean.” Sam interrupted Deans chatter looking exhausted. “You should probably go check Baby's oil and tyre pressure or something. It's a long drive to Maine.”

Dean looked sheepish as he realised his enthusiasm was starting to wear on the others. “Already checked it this morning, She's good to go. But, I guess I should probably check the spare. Want me to look at your truck, Cas?” he asked hesitantly, looking at the angel for the first time since they had come home and patting him on the shoulder.

Cas looked up at Dean, seemingly surprised to be spoken to. “Uh, yes. That is probably a good idea, it makes a strange noise when I brake.” he agreed quickly.

Dean grimaced. “Yeah, that's not good, Cas. You need to tell me this stuff so I can fix it before you crash it. I mean, I know you'd be alright, but what if you hit someone else?” he scolded.

Cas looked sheepish. “Of course, you're right. I just assumed it was something I did.” he said, shrugging.

Dean rolled his eyes. “I won't know till I look at it, but it's probably just worn brakes.” he sighed. “Look, come with me. I'll show you what I'm talking about.” he said, grabbing the angels arm and pulling. “I wanna talk to you about something anyway.” he muttered lowly.

Cas looked panicked for a moment but allowed himself to be pulled along and out of the library.

Sam looked bemused. Maybe these two would sort themselves out for once. It was doubtful, but a nice thought.

“Dean I-” Cas started.

“Nope, you're gonna learn something and I'll get peace of mind.” Dean said, in a no nonsense tone.

At the garage, Dean stopped and let go of Cas' arm and stepped back, leaning against Cas' truck.

“Okay. Before we get to your brakes, I want to clear the air, we're about to go on a family camping trip and something's going on with you. You've barely said a word since the store and you look miserable. Did I do something wrong? Is it what Kitty said? You're my best friend, man. After what you said the other night about noticing stuff, I realised I should be doin' the same for you. When I said I need a break, I meant from bullshit, not just the life.” he said, looking at the angel.

Cas looked like a deer in the headlights.

“I'm fi-” he started.

“Don't you lie to me, Castiel.” Dean interrupted.

Cas looked like he might cry, his lip trembled and his eyes were glossy with unshed tears.

“I don't want to say.” he mumbled. “Just give me time and I'll be fine.”

Dean shook his head. “Look, I fucked up somehow. Tell me what I did and I'll fix it!” Dean growled, getting angry.

“You can't. You didn't _do_ anything.” Cas burst out. “I just realised something today, that's all. I just need to accept it. It's not anything you did, per say. It's personal.”

Dean flinched. “Are you- are you sick? Dying? Cas, you're scaring me, man.” he said, his voice soft.

Cas let out a bitter laugh that reminded Dean of Zachariah's version of Cas in 2014. Hopeless, bitter and hurting.

“I'm not sick, or dying. Just processing.” Cas said, not sounding very reassuring to Deans ears. “I'll admit, I'm not fine. But I will be. I just need time.” his voice was deeper than ever.

Dean sighed. “Cas, please. I know it was something to do with what Kitty said. Are you-”

“I'm in love with you.” Cas blurted. His eyes bulged in horror at his own outburst and he clapped his hands over his mouth.

Deans mouth dropped open. “Oh. Wow. I..uh ...I don't know what to say.” he stammered, reeling from the shock.

Cas was crying now. He looked ready to flee at any moment, his hands still over his mouth as he backed away from Dean, his eye on the drivers side of the truck.

Dean realised that he could lose his best friend over this, he couldn't let Cas go. Not like this.

“Whoa, whoa. No, stay. Just give me a moment. Okay?” Dean said, moving to block Cas.

“I need to- please let me go, Dean. I can't-” Cas was the most distressed Dean had ever seen him.

“Cas. Don't go like this. Just give me a minute and we'll talk about it.” Dean was almost begging.

“Dean, I was upset because even though I knew you might never love me back, I just didn't realise that you would be so disgusted by the idea.” Cas burst out. “Let me go. Please.” he begged, trying to push past Dean and get to the cab of his truck.

Dean frowned. “What? What are you talking about?” Dean said, his mind spinning from the last few minutes. “Will you just wait a minute? Jesus, Cas. I'm flailing here.” he sagged against the drivers side door of the truck.

Cas was shaking and so was Dean. “Dean, I think I've been humiliated enough, don't you? Let me go. I'll get over it. I just need some time to do that. Then we can go on as before.” Cas said, sounding defeated.

Dean was on the verge of tears himself. He knew that he was attracted to Cas, however much of a shock that was, Cas' confession was an even bigger one.

“Cas, I wasn't disgusted, man. I was surprised. You have to believe me.” he said. Not yet willing to make his own confession just yet. He had a lot of thinking to do. Finding yourself attracted to your very much male best friend, who confessed themselves in love with you all in one day, was a lot for anyone to take.

Cas looked tired. “I saw your face. I heard what Kitty said. I heard what you said. It hurt me, Dean.” he said, his voice hoarse.

Dean thought back over what had been said and he realised where it had all gone wrong. He might have to make a small confession after all.

“Oh, shit.” he breathed.

“Exactly. So if you would just get out of my way, I'd like to leave.” Cas said, a little anger in his tone.

Dean ran his hands over his face and sighed. “Okay, here goes.” he said, taking a deep breath.

“I'm gonna tell you right now, that you misunderstood what you saw and heard, okay? You obviously missed the nuances to the conversation. When you walked out of that changing room, I was not disgusted by you.” he took a shaky breath.

“It was very much the opposite of that, okay?” Dean was shaking hard and his voice was hoarse. Cas' eyes widened and he took a deep breath in surprise.

“I was taken off guard by that because A, I've never felt like that about another man. And B, you are my best friend and I felt like I was betraying you by feeling like that.” He risked a look at Cas who looked dumbfounded.

“Kitty saw me looking at you and she thought we were hiding who we were and was trying to tell me if we wanted to keep it on the down-low, that I should maybe not look at you like that in public.” he said, his cheeks burning. This was not how he expected this day to go when he woke up this morning.

“You- you were attracted to me?” Cas asked, his voice was surprisingly squeaky and his eyes were alight with hope.

“I was. I am. But I'm still figuring it out, Cas. I don't want to get your hopes up, man. I don't know if I can go there.” he said, honestly.

Cas still looked shocked. “Was it just the clothes?” he asked.

Dean shrugged, feeling put on the spot. “I don't know. It kinda came out of the blue. I'm trying not to panic right now, if I'm honest.” he said, his voice shaky.

“What are we going to do?” Cas asked. “I don't want to lose you” he whispered, looking heartbroken at the thought.

Dean placed a shaky hand on Cas' arm. “Me neither. I- I do love you, Cas. I just don't know if I'm _in_ love with you. Or if I ever can be. That's why I don't want you to get your hopes up. I don't want to hurt you. You're my best friend. I can't imagine my life without you in it.” he confessed. “Just, please don't leave.” he begged, suddenly afraid that he would.

Cas looked torn. “I don't know what to do. I don't want to hang around like I'm putting pressure on you and waiting for an answer that may never come. But if I go...” he trailed off.

“You're afraid I'll ignore it and hope it goes away.” Dean finished for him. “Or I won't let you come back.”

Cas nodded. Fresh tears were rolling down his face. He looked at the floor with his hands in the pockets of his trench coat.

“Cas, I'm a mess right now. Sometimes I'm a shitty friend and brother. But I'd never do that to you. This is your home. You'll always have a place in this family no matter what happens, okay?” Dean promised. “If you feel you have to go, I won't stop you. Just don't disappear, okay? Call me to let me know you're alright. I care about you. Let me figure this out. I promise, you'll be the first to know when I do, okay?” he pulled the angel in to hug him.

Cas' arms went around Deans waist and he buried his nose into Deans shoulder as Dean did the same with Cas. The angel began to sob immediately.

“Hey, hey. It's okay.” Dean soothed. “We'll figure it out.”

The two men stood just holding each other.


	3. Messy mind, messy life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! *waves*
> 
> Chapter three is here! Dean is a mess and struggles to come to terms with everything. Sam helps him to figure a few things out, because that man is a saint. Jack is too enthusiastic in the mornings.

Sam looked in Deans open bedroom door, seeing Dean sitting up on his bed drinking whiskey straight from the bottle.

“Did Cas go to get Jack already? I thought he was helping you get to sleep first?” he asked, stepping inside and frowning at the half empty bottle and his brothers glazed puffy eyes.

“D'ja know that Casss is in love with me, Sam-my?” Dean asked drunkenly.

Sam's eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. “He- he told you?” he asked, stunned.

Dean's head swayed on his shoulders as he turned to face his brother. “S'not what I asked.” he said a little aggressively.

Sam sighed and wrestled the bottle from his brothers hand and placed it on the desk behind him.

Dean scowled at him. “Answer the ques-question, dammit.” Dean hiccuped.

“Actually, yeah, Dean. Pretty much everybody knows. The only person who didn't was you.” Sam said, pissed off that his brother was drinking again.

“Sooo nobody told me. Some brother you- you are.” Dean said miserably.

Sam sat on the end of the bed. “He never said anything, Dean. We guessed, and it wasn't our place to say anything anyway.” He gave Dean a hard look. “Did you hurt him? I swear, Dean...” he said threateningly.

Dean burst into tears. “I didn't mean to. I swear.” he cried.

Sam looked pissed off. “What did you do? Please tell me you didn't spout off some homophobic crap and throw him out?” he said angrily.

Dean looked offended. “Jesus, Sam. What kind of bastard do you think I am? No, I didn't!” he almost shouted.

Sam relaxed a little. “Wanna tell me what happened? Maybe I can help fix this.” he said, worriedly.

“Okay, but I swear, Sam. This is just between us, okay?” Dean said, his throat thick.

Sam nodded. “Sure, of course.”

Dean proceeded to tell him what had happened at the store and after. He was shaking the whole time and Sam's eyebrows got higher and higher as Dean revealed everything.

“So, you realised _today_, that you're attracted to Cas?” Sam asked carefully.

Dean nodded miserably.

“And Cas just blurted out that he's in love with you. Just like that?” Sam continued.

“Yeah. He- He cried, Sam. I've seen him upset before, but he actually cried.” Dean said, getting upset again himself.

Sam blew out a breath. “Well. What are you gonna do?”

Dean shrugged. “I dunno. I'm messed up, Sam. I mean, I love the guy, but am I _in_ love with him? He's my best friend, so is this some weird crush because of the stress? I've never looked at a guy before, not like that.” he said, sounding lost.

Sam gave him an incredulous look. “Uh, huh. I call bullshit. You have always stared at Cas a little too long and a little too often for that to be true. And I've literally never heard of someone getting a crush from stress, I don't think that's how it works, Dean.” he said, patiently.

“No, I swear. He walked out of that changing room and I swear, it was like.. like Whoa! He just looked so good. I was confused, because its Cas, _Cas. _Right? If you had asked me before that moment if I was straight, I would've said, hell yes. But now, I'm questioning everything.” Dean said miserably.

“It can happen like that. People look up and see someone in a completely new light. You two have always been close. Cas called it a profound bond, right? This might be a natural progression of that.” Sam said, with a shrug.

Dean considered it. “Huh, still confusing as fuck though.” he said.

Sam huffed a laugh. “I bet. You know it doesn't make you any less of a man, right?” he said gently.

Dean frowned. “I ain't a fuckin' homophobe, Sam. Or completely ignorant, I just never thought I was gay... or bisexual, I guess.” he said, with a sigh.

Sam nodded. “So, where's Cas now?” he asked, nervous of the answer.

“He didn't want to stay and make me feel pressured, I kind of get the feeling he's embarrassed too. He was gonna go away for a while, let things calm down a bit. I talked him out of it. He shouldn't be alone. He needs us. We're a family no matter what.” said Dean, a little more sober than before.

Sam sighed with relief. “So, he went to get Jack?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah. Trip's still on. Not sure how I'm gonna handle bein' around Cas the whole time, but we all need this.”

“Mom's on a hunt in Ohio, we could swing by and say hi?” Sam suggested.

Dean shrugged. “Sure. Ain't like we're on a schedule. It's gonna take a couple of days to get there anyway, what's a few more hours? Just, don't tell her anything about this, okay? Not till I've figured it out a little more.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Dean, I said I wouldn't.”

Dean nodded gratefully. “So, if I was to Google some stuff to help me figure this out, what would be the best way to do that, without getting a shit ton of porn? Not sure I'm ready for _that_ to be honest.” Dean admitted sheepishly.

Sam only just stopped himself laughing out loud. “I can bookmark some stuff, if you like?” he offered.

Dean looked relieved. “Thanks, Sammy. For y'know, everything.” he said gratefully.

“Dean, you don't have to thank me. I'm happy to help you figure this stuff out. And if you decide that Cas is what you want, then I'm happy for that too.” Sam said, with a chuckle.

“Did you all really know?” Dean asked in a small voice, feeling like the biggest dumb ass in the universe.

Sam nodded slowly. “Yeah, Dean. It kinda twigged for me after he got out of purgatory. For a while there I thought you returned his feelings, you were so broken up at having to leave him behind.” he admitted.

Dean looked shocked. “Oh.” he exclaimed. He thought back to the grief and guilt he'd felt over leaving Cas in purgatory. From an outside perspective he guessed it would have looked like that. Maybe it was that and he'd been so wrapped up in the guilt he hadn't noticed.

“I've got a lot to think about.” he said, chewing his lip.

Sam chuckled. “Try not to blow a gasket. I'm here if you wanna talk.” he said, standing up. He eyed the whiskey bottle on the desk and picked it up. “No more of this stuff tonight. If you can't sleep, read a book that doesn't have pictures.” he said, gesturing to the stack of graphic novels on the night table.

Dean looked offended. “They are called Sandman and they are collectors items, so fuck you.” he sneered.

“Huh, I guess Cas is your own personal Sandman.” Sam quipped.

Dean scowled at him. “Don't be a dick, Sam.”

Sam just laughed, singing 'Mr Sandman' as he left the room, closing the door behind himself with a soft click.

Dean sighed. His head was throbbing. He laid it back against the headboard and closed his eyes. He hadn't been able to deny even to himself the sheer level of attraction he'd felt the moment Cas had stepped out in his new clothes.

He thought back to what Sam had said, had he been attracted to Cas this whole time without realising? How was that even possible? He thought about the many demons and angels that had insinuated that there was something between them, he realised he had never really denied it, or even felt disgust at the thought. He had always assumed that Cas didn't have those sort of feelings so he had ignored it. Now he could see it in a new light.

Cas was in love with him.

Cas. True form as big as the Chrysler building. A being made of holy fire and righteousness.

Castiel, angel of the lord, was in love with him.

Could he really make a go of things with him? Could they be together, as a couple? How would their family dynamic change? How would a relationship even work between them? An angel and a human were so different.

It was too much to think about all at once. Dean felt the pull of sleep as the whiskey settled into his system, his senses dulled and his brain foggy. He slid down the bed and pulled the opposite pillow into his arms, hugging it as he drifted off.

**************

_Rowena? Did you do something to Dean and Cas? I know we joked about it, but did you actually do something? It's not cool if you did, there are consent issues with spells and you know it. Call me when you get this message._

_***************_

Dean woke to the sound of a slamming door and shushing noises somewhere in the corridor outside his room. He yawned and stretched, rolling onto his back and letting out a grunt as his vertebrae made a satisfying popping sound. He sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes with the heels of his hands and groaned as his head swam a little. He felt a little green around the gills from the whiskey he'd downed the night before. It was nothing a few pieces of toast and couple of cups of coffee wouldn't fix. Although a couple of pain pills would probably go a long way as well. He burped and grimaced, maybe a couple of antacids too. Fuck, he was getting old.

Feeling the familiar pressure in his bladder, he shuffled to the edge of the bed and swung his legs over the edge, gasping as his bare feet made contact with the cold concrete floor.

He looked around the floor for the slippers he had found when they had first moved into the bunker and saw them sticking out from under the bed. He rolled onto his side, smooshing his face into the covers and groped around blindly trying to reach them and put them on.

He managed to put the slippers on and groaned as he sat up again. His headache was a dull throb behind his eyes, and his nose was stuffy and clogged. He hoped he wasn't coming down with something on top of the hangover.

He staggered as he stood up and felt a slight wave of nausea. He held onto the back of the chair at his desk and waited for it to pass, knowing he wouldn't actually throw up. He slowly pulled on his dead guy robe and belted it loosely.

His stomach stopped churning and he felt a little more stable as he shuffled to the door of his room, pulling the door open and starting in surprise as Jack stood on the other side of it, his fist raised as if to knock. Dean felt marginally better about the squeak he let out when Jack looked just as terrified as he felt.

“You scared me.” Jack said, his eyes wide. He was dressed in a new outfit of plaid shirt with jeans and hiking boots, probably supplied by Jody.

“Ditto, kid.” Dean grumbled. “Did Sam send you to wake me up?” he said, stepping out into the corridor and pulling his door closed behind him.

Jack shook his head. “No, I came by myself. I wanted to ask you if there was anything I can do to help. I'm grateful that you invited me and I want to make myself useful.” he said, his eyes bright with excitement.

Dean huffed a laugh. “We'll all load up together, that way we all know where everything is.” he said, clapping the boy on the shoulder. “Saves any of us scrabbling around in the dark looking for torch batteries or toilet paper.” he added, from experience.

Jack looked disappointed, but no less eager. “Oh. Is there nothing else?” he said, hopping from foot to foot.

Dean groaned. “Uh, I guess you can make up some flasks of coffee and some sandwiches for the road? Just make sure there's enough left for me to have a couple of cups once I'm outta the shower.” he suggested.

Jack beamed. “Okay. Cas said he'll treat us all to pancakes when we make our first stop. Are you hungry in the meantime? I can make you something. Jody has been teaching me. I can boil an egg now and make popcorn.” he said proudly.

Dean grinned. “Yeah? That's great. I'll just have some toast for now. My stomach is a little queasy this morning. I'm gonna go get a shower and I'll meet you in the kitchen, okay?” he said, opening his bedroom door again.

Jack nodded. “Okay, Castiel is in his room, changing his clothes. He said Jody gave him a cover for the truck bed, and he dumped the hay in a cow field so most of the camping gear can go in the truck.” he said as he began to walk away.

Dean silently groaned to himself. Cas was already changing into the clothes they had bought the day before. This week was going to be difficult alright.


	4. An agreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! *waves*
> 
> Dean and Cas make a shaky peace for the time being. Dean promises to try to figure things out. They head out on the first leg of their road trip.

After Dean and Sam had done an inventory of all of the gear, laying it all out on the garage floor and inspecting everything to make sure all of it was in good shape to survive a week of roughing it, they had loaded the back of Cas truck with the bulk of the gear.

Cas himself had made himself scarce, keeping to his room and avoiding the brothers completely. Jack didn't seem to notice as he chattered excitedly, asking question after question, about the gear, the camp site, the food. He seemed to have a never ending thirst for knowledge.

Sam's seemingly infinite patience with the boy was a blessing, as Dean's hangover had his own patience dangling by a thread. He felt like his whole body was on high alert waiting for Cas to appear and he had to bite his tongue several times to stop himself from snapping at Jack unfairly.

Finally, with the promise of a flask of hot chocolate of his own, Jack calmed down. He sat on the tailgate of the truck with Sam as they programmed the GPS on their phones, co-ordinating fuel stops and coffee breaks. Dean checked over the truck one last time. Everything seemed fine, and now the new brakes were fitted, he felt confident the truck would make it. It would probably handle some of the roads better than Baby, he thought privately, sending a silent apology to the Impala parked alongside the beat-up truck.

There was no more to do and they were waiting on Cas to show up so they could leave. Sam was pointedly ignoring Deans hints to go and get him and Jack was completely oblivious, even in his excitement.

Dean sighed as he realised he would have to go and get him himself. He wasn't looking forward to seeing the angel, he wasn't sure how to act around him now, and he constantly worried about hurting him. Even in his worst rages, when he had thrown insult after insult at his best friend, he hadn't wanted to hurt him, not really. He hadn't realised the angel was capable of such complex emotions.

He wondered if he had known whether it would have changed anything about their friendship. His heart sank as he realised he had probably hurt Cas so many times over the years and the angel had taken it mostly without a word of complaint.

He pulled on his canvas jacket and indicated to Sam that he was going to see what was holding Cas up. Sam gave him a dorky thumbs up and went back to co-ordinating with Jack.

As Dean approached Cas' door, he took a deep breath and tried to calm his racing heart. Psyching himself up as if he was going into battle, he paused to take another deep breath and knocked on the angels door.

Dean heard Cas speaking as he approached the door and opened it. He was talking on the phone and was dressed in one of the outfits they had bought the day before. He gave Dean a sheepish look and indicted the phone as he mouthed _Claire._

Den nodded and waited at the door until Cas waved him in as he listened to Claire speaking. He stepped in and stood awkwardly by the dresser that Cas had placed a few seemingly random items on, menu's from diners they had visited or an interesting rock and even a small white feather.

He had a few photos attached to the wall above it, several of Claire and Jack, one of Jody and Donna posing in front of Donna's huge hummer, both holding shotguns and smiling widely, their arms around each others shoulders. A blurry selfie of Gabriel and Cas together, Cas was frowning as if he was trying to work something out as Gabe pulled a silly face. There were a few of Dean and Sam, and in the centre, one of Dean and Baby. It wasn't posed, Dean was throwing his head back laughing at something, his smile wide and natural, his eyes screwed up and he had a hand on his stomach, the other on Baby's hood. Dean smiled, it was a good photo. He couldn't remember when it was taken, or even when he'd felt able to laugh that freely. He needed to remember how to be that guy again.

“We're going camping, I'm not sure where you get the idea that we're going to a festival, let alone one that is centred around sausages exclusively.” Cas said into the phone, frowning in confusion.

Dean heard Claire's laughter and joined in with a few chuckles of his own, he looked up at Cas who was beginning to look frustrated. “She means it's a boys only trip, Cas.” he said gently.

Cas looked confused again then a look of dawning realisation came over his face and he rolled his eyes. “Oh, I see. Sausage fest. The sausages are penises.” he said, making Dean choke on his own spit and he could hear Claire roaring with laughter from the phone again.

“Sorry, Dean. Claire was a little put out that we didn't invite her on our camping trip.” Cas said, looking apologetic.

Dean felt a little guilty at the oversight. “She can come if she wants. I didn't think she'd enjoy roughing it in the 100 mile wilderness with a group of scruffy, stinky guys though.” he said with a shrug.

Cas huffed a laugh at something Claire said. “Yes, Sam does tend to emit a frankly alarming amount of offensive smelling gas. I think it's something to do with his diet. He tends to eat healthy foods most of the time, so his system doesn't handle fast food well when he does consume it.”

Dean nodded in agreement. “Hell yeah, there's a good reason right there for eating junk food all the time. I've eaten so much, I'm immune to it now.” he said jokingly.

Cas rolled his eyes. “The only reason you don't have liver disease or clogged arteries is because I heal you regularly, or you would be working on a massive heart attack right now.” he reminded, sobering Dean's laughter. He'd suffered a heart attack that had almost killed him when he had taken down a Rawhead a few years ago. It was something he had no wish to repeat, getting shot hurt less in comparison. He felt a wave of gratitude towards the angel for his help.

“Thanks, Cas.” he murmured, sincerely. Cas gave him a shy smile as he listened to Claire who had started speaking again.

“Okay. I'll text you the co-ordinates of our campsite should you change your mind. We'll be out of cell range, but just pray to me and I'll hike out to the rangers station and meet you, I can move pretty fast and get there in a few hours.” Cas said into the phone, his expression soft. “Okay, bye. Be careful.” he said before hanging up and giving Dean his full attention.

Dean felt the awkwardness seep back in and he flushed a little. Cas looked just as awkward and uncomfortable.

“Uh, sorry again for the hold up. She called just as I was about to come out to help. She's on a hunt and wanted some advice on killing a Crocotta. I told her stabbing it in the back of the neck should suffice. She's going to use an angel blade just to make doubly sure.” Cas said, his cheeks a little pink and his eyes flicking up at Deans face and back to the ground nervously.

Dean wasn't aware that angels could blush, and he'd never seen Cas looking so flustered. It made him feel a little better about his own awkwardness. He decided to try to put Cas a little more at ease.

“Good thinking. Crocotta are no joke. Tough son of bitches to kill. Does she have back-up? Not that I don't think she can handle it, it's just that even we found it hard to take one down.” Dean said with a grimace.

Cas visibly relaxed and nodded. “Yes, she's with Donna. Against both of them, the Crocotta doesn't stand a chance. I almost feel sorry for it.” he smirked, looking proud.

Dean chuckled. “No doubt. Claire's tough, and she's smart. Donna seems like she's all sunshine and rainbows, but put her in a tight spot and she's all steel.” he agreed. “Anyway, we're all loaded up. Jack is super proud to hold the title of navigator. He and Sam are nerding over the GPS as we speak. Just waitin' on you.” he said with a shrug.

Cas nodded and began gathering up a few items. He lifted his trench coat from where it was laid on the bed and rummaged in the pockets, producing his wallet, keys and a charger cord. He picked up the small backpack that held the few items of clothing he had and carefully folded his new wind breaker into it, he put his phone into the pocket of his shirt and his wallet into his back pocket and looked up to see Dean staring at him, he flushed self consciously and Dean looked away guiltily.

“Sorry, dude. It's just weird seeing you in normal clothes, doing normal shit.” he said, looking embarrassed.

Cas huffed a laugh. “I suppose it is. I confess to feeling a little self conscious and awkward still.” he said, crossing his arms and cupping his elbows, he was having a hard time looking at Dean in the eyes.

“Yeah, me too, Cas. I think the only way to get through it, is to … get through it, I guess. Let's just be awkward. None of what we've talked about is a deal-breaker. I meant what I said, you are family.” Dean said quietly. “I realise I'm being selfish in insisting you stay around with no promises, and I don't know where we go from here, but I do know I need you around. I .. need you.” he added, his mouth going dry and his heart racing at his rare show of emotional honesty.

Cas finally looked up and into his eyes. “I'm afraid- No, I'm terrified that this is the end of our friendship. That it'll be to difficult to be around each other and either you'll ask me to leave, or I won't be able to take seeing you with someone else. Because you deserve someone to love you, Dean. Even if it's not me.” he said, breathing heavily, his eyes glossy.

Dean could feel the panic climbing and he tried to resist the urge to lash out angrily. To accuse Cas of pressuring him. He realised that Cas was just trying to give him the same emotional honesty and took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down. Cas stood watching him, clearly distressed.

“Cas, I need time. This is new for me, I'm gonna be honest with you about everything, okay? We'll take some time, just you and me. See if we can figure this thing between us out. I've already figured a few things out. Like, I've probably been attracted to you for longer than I thought.” he admitted.

Cas' eyes widened in surprise and he looked intrigued. “Really?” he asked, a little hope bleeding into his tone.

Dean shrugged bashfully. “Cas, you're fucking gorgeous, alright? Honestly, that's not the part that's tripping me up. It's the fact you're my best friend.” he said, pushing his hands into his pockets.

Cas flushed a little and nodded. “If we were to pursue a romantic relationship, it would be a good basis to begin from, don't you think?” he asked, tilting his head in confusion.

Dean shrugged. “Under normal circumstances, I'd agree. But we ain't livin' under normal circumstances, Cas.” he said sadly. “Just give me some time, okay. I'm trying to figure this out around all the other crap that's goin' on up here.” he added, tapping his temple.

Cas nodded. “Of course. I won't pressure you, but please don't shut me out. I don't think I could bear it.” he said, a slight hint of desperation in his tone.

Dean stepped forward and shakily put a hand on Cas' arm. “I won't, I promise. I'll admit, my usual trick is to avoid it until the problem goes away, but it ain't workin' for me no more. It's why my head is as messed up as it is.” he said, his voice shaky. “I'm gonna hate every second of it, but I gotta talk this crap outta my head. It's like poison, I gotta let it out or it's gonna kill me.”

Cas chewed his lip nervously. “May I hug you? Just as a friend, nothing more.” he reassured and Dean nodded, letting out a faint _oof_ as the angel pulled him in and gave him a rib-crushing hug.

Dean could feel the warmth coming from Cas' body and he could detect the faint scent that was just Cas. Petrichor and something spicy. Cas felt solid, as if he had roots going deep into the earth itself. Dean relaxed and put his arms around Cas shoulders, feeling the tension bleed out of both of them. Dean marvelled how different it felt when he allowed himself to take comfort. It was a nice feeling, Cas made him feel safe.

Cas broke the hug first, although his face showed that it was reluctantly. “I suppose we'd better get on the road. I promised Jack pancakes and it's almost nine thirty. I didn't mean to hold us up for so long.” he said, looking guilty.

Dean shrugged. “No problem, Cas. It's not like we're on a schedule or anything. As long as we're in Ohio by tomorrow afternoon, we're good.”

Cas picked up his small backpack and put it on his back, pushing both arms through the straps and frowning at Dean who was trying to suppress a laugh.

“Just put one arm through, Cas, or you look like a dorky kid on their first day at kindergarten.” Dean advised, helping the angel take one arm back out. He gave him an appraising look and grinned. “There, now lets get going.” he said, patting Cas on the shoulder and pushing him towards the door.

****************

_Sam, it’s Rowena, dearie. I promised you I wouldn’t put a spell on either of them and I kept it. If those two idiots have finally opened their eyes, it’s nothing to do with me. However, if you’re really worried that magic is involved, just keep an eye on them. Those type of spells make the victims do some crazy things._

_*****************_

After a late breakfast of pancakes and bacon at the local diner, the little convoy had headed east out of town and hit the interstate around lunchtime. Jack rode with Cas in the truck and Sam took his usual spot in the Impala’s passenger seat. Dean drove along, the sound of Motorhead coming from the impala’s speakers and the windows down. He felt a little more at peace than he had in a long while. Now that he and Cas had cleared the air a little, he felt more confident about the trip and any time they may have to spend together.

Sam was humming along to the track and smiled as Dean looked over. His ever-present phone was away for once, and his arm was out of the window, his fingers dancing in the breeze. He too looked more relaxed than he had for a long time.

“Jack found us a motel for tonight. It means stopping a little earlier than we usually do, but the next available place would have had us stopping way after midnight. He’s excited because it has an indoor pool and sauna attached. He wants to learn to swim.” Sam said, with a chuckle.

Dean raised his eyebrows. “Who’s gonna teach him? I only know how Dad taught us, and I don’t think Cas would be too impressed if I just throw the kid in the deep end.” he said with a grimace.

Sam shuddered. “I’ll have to teach him, Cas can’t swim either.” he said to Deans surprise.

“What? Are you telling me, that the all powerful angel of the lord, can’t swim?” Dean asked incredulously, taking his eyes off the road momentarily.

Sam looked bemused. “He said he’s never had to. He doesn’t need to breathe, so he never bothered to learn.” he shrugged.

Dean shook his head. There was another fact about Cas he’d never known about before. Did he really know Cas as well as he thought he did? To be fair, Cas wasn’t exactly forthcoming about himself. Maybe he felt that the brothers wouldn’t be interested. It was something Dean was going to rectify, and soon.

“I guess we’d better teach Cas too. If his Mojo ever goes on the fritz again, it’s a skill he should have. The dumb ass would probably forget he can’t breath underwater and drown.” Dean said, thoughtfully, tapping his hands on the wheel to the music.

Sam laughed. “I’m not sure putting it to him like that is the way to go, Dean. You’re more likely to offend the guy.” he said wisely.

Dean cringed. “Yeah, you’re probably right.” he admitted. Being mindful of other peoples feelings had never been a high priority for Dean, and now that he knew Cas had feelings to hurt, he wasn’t keen on being the one to do it any more.

Sam laughed. “Excuse me, did you just say I was right?” he asked, with a smug but disbelieving look on his face.

Dean gave him a bitch face. “Don’t worry, it won’t happen again.” he assured Sam. “How much further to the motel?” he asked, grimacing as he tried to stretch his back as much as he could whilst still driving, finding his t-shirt was clinging to him uncomfortably due to the pool of sweat gathering on his lower back.

“An hour or so. I figured we’d check in, go grab a bite somewhere and then Jack can play in the pool to his hearts content until bedtime.” Sam said with a chuckle.

Dean huffed a laugh. “You sure he won’t get cramp? Maybe we should have picked up some floaties for the kid.” he joked.

Sam chuckled. “Nah, he’ll be okay. The cramp thing is a myth. Plus it’ll keep him busy for a while and out of your hair, so you and Cas can talk, if you want.” he said, his tone nervous.

Dean felt a wave of annoyance at his brother. “We already did, this morning before we left. I told him I’m still trying to sort stuff out in my head, all the Michael baggage ain’t goin’ away just like that, Sam. I told him and I’m telling you, I gotta get this crap outta my head before it kills me. I’m not gonna like it, but I’m gonna be talking about it, but it’s gotta be at my own pace, man.” he said, gritting his teeth. “Don’t push me.” he warned.

Sam sighed, his face a mask of relief. “That’s good, Dean. I’m not gonna push you, I doubt Cas will either. But we’re here for you, whenever you’re ready.” he assured.

Dean let out the breath he’d unconsciously been holding. “Yeah, that’s good. There’s stuff that, I dunno. I don’t even know if I can find the words for them. It’s too much. I don’t know if I can ever talk about those.” he admitted.

Sam looked grim. “I get that. But it doesn’t all have to come out at once, Dean. We have time.” he said encouragingly.

Dean shrugged. “Do we? Seems like every time we put down one apocalypse, the next one pops up. I’m tired Sam. Why’s it always gotta be us that fixes it, huh? I just need a minute to breath, dammit.” he gritted out bitterly.

Sam sighed and nodded. “I hear that.” he agreed. “We’ll just take it a day at a time, okay?” he added.

Dean nodded. It was the best they could do, for now.


	5. Family don't end in blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi *waves*
> 
> Some much needed fluff. Family fun for everyone! In which Cas has to give Jack "the talk" because Sammy is too chicken to do it. Dean is more infatuated with Cas than he realised and Jack learns a lesson in moderation.

After they had checked in, Dean had been over the moon to find that their rooms were actually a suite. He immediately claimed one of the separate bedrooms for himself, with it’s king bed and wide screen TV, much to Sam's annoyance. Sam and Jack flipped a coin for the other, Sam won the toss and claimed the other room for himself and Jack took the pull-out bed in the main room. Cas didn’t sleep, but he claimed the recliner and the remote for the widescreen TV in the main room, turning it on to watch the food network immediately.

“Hey, I’m gonna grab a quick shower. I got swamp ass from sitting in a hot car all day.” Dean called out, heading to the bathroom with his wash bag.

Sam grimaced. “Ew, too much information, Dean.” he griped, pissed off that Dean had beaten him to it again.

“You snooze, you lose, bitch.” Dean said joyously as he shut the bathroom door in Sam’s face.

“I hope you get soap in your eyes, jerk.” Sam called through the door, kicking it in frustration.

Cas rolled his eyes and Jack looked amused.

“Jody puts us on a shower rota at her house, with a time limit. She says there are too many people and only one bathroom for us to stay in there too long. She says we have to respect the others living with us and we are not allowed to masturbate in the shower because that is disrespectful. We are supposed to do it in our rooms, with the door closed.” Jack said, completely straight faced.

Sam's eyes bulged out of his head and he flushed bright red in embarrassment. Cas looked bemused at the younger Winchesters predicament.

“Jack, uh. That’s um.” Sam struggled for words, squirming in place.

Cas took pity on him. “Jack, masturbation is normal and healthy, but it can cause embarrassment to people when brought up outside of a private conversation.” he chided mildly.

Jack frowned. “Oh. I’m sorry, Sam. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I do have some questions, though. Jody said she would answer any questions I had about sex, but I couldn’t think of any then. Can I ask one of you instead?” he looked hopeful.

Cas sighed. “Sam, may we use your room for some privacy? I think this might be the time for the _talk._” he asked the red faced Winchester.

Sam nodded, a look of real fear mixed with relief on his face. “Uh, yeah. Lemme just get my things and the rooms all yours.” he said quickly, bumping into the door frame in his haste to flee.

Jack turned to Cas who was trying not to laugh. “Didn’t we already have the _talk_? You told me all about procreation and Jody told me about safe sex. I just wanted to know how I know if I’m ready? I feel like I’d like a girlfriend, or a boyfriend. But I’m not sure if I’m ready for sex. It sounds complicated and messy.” he said, with a shrug.

Cas sighed deeply. “We’ll talk about it in a moment. Poor Sam seems a little traumatised, lets wait until we’re alone and I can answer any questions in private.” he said calmly as Sam hurried back into the main room with an armful of his things.

“Rooms all yours, Cas. Lemme know if you need, uh, back-up.” he said, although his face showed that he hoped not.

Cas rolled his eyes and pulled himself out of the recliner. “I’ve got this.” he said, taking Jack by the arm and guiding him into Sam’s room.

When the door closed, Sam slumped into a chair at the small table in the kitchenette, his clothes and wash bag still in his hands. He didn’t have as much faith as the angel that he could handle the _talk, _but he was glad to have ducked the responsibility. Jack might have the body of an adult, but his mind and his emotions were nowhere near ready to handle a sexual relationship. He hoped Cas would be able to explain that to him.

The bathroom door opened letting out a cloud of steam and a freshly washed Winchester dressed in a bathrobe and towel turban.

“Bathrooms free, that water pressure is better than the bunker. It’s got like eight settings on the- Sam, you okay man? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Dean said, looking worried.

Sam looked up at Dean with a haunted expression. “Jack started asking awkward questions about, uh, _sex__._ Cas has taken him into my room to give him the _talk._” he whispered.

Deans eyebrows rose almost to his hairline. “Whoa. Glad I missed that. The kids too young to date, though. I mean, he looks grown up, but he’s like a little kid really.” he said thoughtfully.

Sam nodded in agreement. “Yeah, my thoughts exactly. I just hope Cas can explain it to him. He’s an angel, so he doesn’t get most of this stuff himself.” he said, brushing his hair over his ears.

Dean frowned. “Cas gets a lot more than we give him credit for. Don’t forget, he’s been human, he understands it better now.” he defended.

Sam looked thoughtful. “I guess. I suppose one of us should take the next turn when Jack has _questions._” he said, looking reluctant.

Dean grimaced. “Guess I cant just hand him some magazines in a brown paper bag and tell him not to make me a grandpa like Dad did, huh?” he chuckled.

Sam snorted. “Nah, not these days.” he agreed. “I’m gonna get in the shower, there’s a list of local places to eat on the counter. Pick something we’re not gonna get a lot of for the next week or so.” he said, getting up from the chair and heading for the bathroom.

Dean wandered over and picked up the info sheet with the list and a little map helpfully printed on the back. He guessed steak and burgers were out, they’d be eating a lot of those. He scanned the list, he didn’t feel like Mexican food, especially if he had to be stuck in a car with Sam for the next couple of days. Pizza, maybe? Boring. He saw a listing for an ice-cream bar. Jack might like that later. Hell, it’d been years since he’d been to one of those places. He just needed to find something suitable for dinner first.

He saw a listing for a place called Mary’s kitchen and smiled. It promised good old fashioned home cooking. It sounded like their best shot at dinner tonight. It had a four star rating on the info guide and he hoped he could get them a table at such short notice. He walked into his room to get his phone with a grin.

***************

Mary’s kitchen turned out to be the worst kept secret in town. It was heaving with customers, but had a warm and cosy atmosphere and friendly staff. Dean was pleased that he had taken a chance on this place, and so were the other customers by the look on their faces.

They were shown to a booth in the back by a young guy with a bright smile and an apron. He gave them their menu’s and took their drinks orders, Dean decided on having an iced tea instead of beer, if they were going for ice-cream later, it wouldn’t sit right. Sam gave him an odd look, but ordered the same as did Cas and Jack. The waiter returned almost immediately with a pitcher of iced tea and glasses.

“Not drinking tonight?” Sam asked, trying for nonchalance and failing.

Dean shook his head. “Nah, I found one of those old fashioned ice-cream places. Figured we’d hit that up for dessert after we’re done here. Besides, I’m gonna try and cut back a bit. Maybe go for quality over quantity for a change.” he said with a shrug.

Sam’s mouth dropped open in surprise and Cas looked proud. Jack beamed in delight at the thought of ice-cream.

“That’s- that’s really good, Dean. I’m happy to support you.” Sam stammered out awkwardly, making Dean roll his eyes.

“Could you sound more like Dr Phil? Fuck sake, Sam. Try not to make such a big deal out of it, okay?” Dean muttered looking irritated, his good mood souring.

Sam looked contrite. “Sorry. I guess that did come off a bit condescending.”

Cas cleared his throat and went for a change in subject. “You said we were going for ice-cream after? Is there something special about this place?” he asked, grabbing some napkins to mop up the iced tea that Jack had spilled on the table.

Dean grinned. “Hell yeah, they have like fifty different flavours of ice-cream then there’s the toppings, sauces and waffle cone vs bowl. It’s like paradise for people with a sweet tooth.” he said enthusiastically.

Cas smiled. “I guess we’d better decide what we’re having here first, I see the waiter is making his way over towards us.” he said indicating the keen young man who was heading their way.

All of them quickly scanned the menu’s and Dean spotted a sharing platter of ribs with corn on the cob, baked potatoes and coleslaw, he pointed it out to Cas who nodded. Whenever they went out to eat, it had become customary for Dean and Cas to “share” food to avoid drawing attention to the fact that Cas didn’t eat. Dean was more than happy to eat the whole thing himself, with Cas picking at it for show.

The young waiter finally reached them and took their orders, Sam ordered a cobb salad with fries on the side and Jack asked for the pork chops with mashed potato and greens.

“Anything else I can get you fellas? Y’all look like big eaters. Miss Mary don’t like anyone leavin’ hungry.” the young waiter said with a grin.

Dean looked at the young mans name badge. “We’re good, Tommy, thanks. We’re gonna hit up the ice-cream place after. We promised the kid here.” he said gesturing to Jack, who beamed.

“Oh, well let me get you some coupons! All the businesses in town got ‘em for each other. It’ll give you a dollar off each.” Tommy said with smile.

“That’s kind of you, Tommy. Thank you.” Cas said, with a small smile.

“It’s no problem, you just let me know if you need anything else.” he said, dashing off with their order.

“That kid knows how to work for tips.” he murmured, making Sam chuckle.

When the food arrived it was hot, plentiful and just as good as it smelled. Dean’s eyes rolled back into his head as he bit into the honey glazed ribs and he barely refrained from moaning.

Cas picked at a baked potato that was loaded with butter and pepper jack cheese, he looked a little bewildered by it.

Sam for all of his good intentions with the salad, was making short work of the fries and Jack had gravy smeared on his cheek.

“This is good.” Jack said, grinning with a mouthful of mashed potato.

Dean chuckled. “Yeah, it is. I keep eating all this good food I’ve been having lately, I’m gonna end up a big ol’ butterball. You’ll be able to serve me up for Thanksgiving dinner.” he joked.

Sam snorted at the image it presented and even Cas huffed a laugh.

“I think we should come back here on the way back.” Jack said, dipping his pork chop in gravy.

Dean pointed at him with his fork. “That, is a damn good idea, kid.” he agreed, and Jack beamed.

They finished up the meal and paid the check, leaving Tommy a sizeable tip, along with a hug from Jack, much to the young man’s confusion.

At the ice-cream place, Dean introduced Cas and Jack to the concept of the ice-cream sundae. Jack was enthusiastic, but Cas was blown away and to the casual observer it wouldn’t have appeared he reacted at all, but Sam and Dean were amazed at his excitement.

“I like ice-cream.” Cas said, in his gravelly voice that betrayed no emotion to anyone outside of the family.

Sam grinned as he ate his strawberry soy cone. “There we go, we found something you like to eat. I knew we’d find something.” he pointed out.

Cas nodded happily as Dean piled on a scoop of M&Ms into his bowl of chocolate ice-cream.

“There you go, Cas. Try those. I bet it’s the sugar. You angels can’t seem to get enough of it.” Dean said, pleased to have found something that made Cas happy for once.

“Yes, there is something about it that doesn’t offend my taste buds. Everything else is too complex, it’s overwhelming.” Cas said, thoughtfully.

“I think we should come back here too.” Jack said, taking a huge bite of his third bowl of ice-cream and making Sam and Dean wince as they imagined the ice-cream headache that usually followed, but Jack seemed unaffected.

“I agree.” Cas said, stealing a spoonful of Dean’s apple pie ice-cream sundae, his eyes lit up and he went back for another before Dean blocked him with his spoon.

“Uh, uh. Get your own, angel. This is mine.” he laughed as Cas pouted.

“It’s not too late, still wanna swim in the pool, Jack?” asked Sam, wiping his hands on a napkin.

Jack looked thoughtful. “I do, but I think I ate too much.” he said, looking a little green all of a sudden. His eyes bulged with panic and he panted heavily, pressing his hands to his stomach.

“Uh-oh. Kids gonna blow.” Dean warned, reaching for a pile of napkins in case Jack threw up at the table.

Cas looked around briefly before touching two fingers to Jacks temple, easing the nausea with a touch of grace. “Better?” he asked a relieved looking Jack.

Jack nodded. “Yes, thank you. I- I don’t think I should eat any more ice-cream though.” he said looking crushed at the melting puddle in his bowl.

“No kidding. You’ve been hopped up on sugar all day, kiddo. Pancakes this morning, hot chocolate and candy in the car and now three bowls of ice-cream. I guess we found your limit.” said Dean with a sympathetic grimace.

“Yeah, you’ll probably crash hard later. We’ll take it easy on the sweet stuff for a little while, okay?” Sam said gently.

Jack nodded sadly. “Can I still swim with you?” he asked Sam, looking hopeful.

Sam smiled. “As long as you don’t throw up in the pool, I think we’ll be okay.” he said with a chuckle.

“Are you two gonna swim too?” Jack asked Dean and Cas excitedly.

Cas shook his head. “I can’t swim, Jack. I also didn’t bring anything suitable to swim in.”

Dean cleared his throat. “Um, about that. You really should know how to swim, Cas.” he said gently, ignoring Sam’s warning look. “Cause, you’re missing out. This is something you and Jack can do together, like you’ve been talkin’ about?” he said, congratulating himself on finding a way to say it without offending the angel. “Besides, one of the best things about campin’ is swimming in the lake and having a splash fight. You wanna do all those things, right?” he cajoled.

Cas looked unsure. “I have no-one to teach me, and it doesn’t change the fact I have nothing to wear.”

Dean blushed and chewed his lip nervously. “I’ll teach you.” he blurted, before he could change his mind.

Cas looked at him incredulously. “You will?” he asked.

“You will?” Sam echoed, equally surprised.

“Yeah, Sam’ll teach Jack, and I’ll teach you. You can borrow a pair of my shorts.” Dean offered, rolling with it.

Cas blushed a little. “Okay.” he said in a small voice.

A mixture of fear and relief went over Deans features. “Well, alright. We got a plan. You two should pick it up pretty quick. You’ll be swimming like ducks in no time.” he said brightly although his heart was beating rapidly in his chest with nerves.

*************

Back at the motel, everyone quickly changed into shorts, leaving t-shirts on for the walk to the indoor pool. Cas wore a pair of Deans shorts that were loose on Dean, but fitted Cas a little more snugly. His ass and thighs were bigger and the tight material was a little distracting for Dean who was trying not to stare as Cas walked ahead of him next to Jack, who was chattering excitedly.

Sam kept giving Dean looks, checking in on him and making sure he was okay. It was irritating, but there was also comfort in knowing Sam had his back. Sam really did try to be supportive but in a clumsy way that usually ended up with Dean yelling at him to back off.

As they reached the pool, the lifeguard on duty was clearing away a whole bunch of pool toys, throwing all of the pool noodles into a giant net strung across the wall of a huge storage closet and locking the doors.

“Hey, guys. Pools open till ten pm, when I go off duty. Then I gotta close up and cover the pool, okay?” the young guy said cheerily.

“Sure, no problem, dude.” Sam said politely.

Cas stood looking at the water, he wrinkled his nose at the strong smell of chlorine.

Dean and Sam stripped off their t-shirts, and grinned at each other, the unspoken challenge written on both their faces.

Suddenly they both let out loud yells and ran for the pool where they both executed perfect cannonballs that sent water flying everywhere.

Cas and Jack stood at the side of the pool looking confused.

“Why did they do that?” asked Jack, looking bewildered.

“I don’t know.” Cas said, shaking his head.

Sam and Dean surfaced at the same time, laughing and splashing each other.

“Are we supposed to do that too?” asked Jack, looking worried.

Sam swam up to the side of the pool and rested his arms on the lip. “No, there’s a ladder just over there, Jack, look.” he said pointing to the corner of the pool at the shallow end. “I’ll swim over and meet you there.” he said, kicking off the side, his huge arms pulling him through the water smoothly.

Dean nodded to Cas and did the same.

Jack stripped off his shirt and was standing at the ladder the time Sam reached it. Cas was beginning to look nervous as he stood nearby.

“Cas! Shirt!” Dean whisper-shouted as he swam up to the side.

Cas flinched and looked down at himself. He lifted the shirt over his head and stood there holding it awkwardly as Sam helped Jack climb down into the pool.

Dean bit his lip as he took a second to admire the amount of skin on show. Cas was solid, his shoulders were broad, his chest and stomach were toned, he wasn’t as cut as Sam was, but he had inherited a very nice vessel. Dean wasn’t about to pop a boner like a teenager, but he definitely felt a twitch of interest below the belt.

Jack stood in the water looking up at Sam with a grin on his face. “Okay, Sam. How do I swim?” he asked.

Sam chuckled. “First thing is learning to float. C’mon. Lets move over here a bit so Cas can get in and I’ll show you.” he said.

Cas placed his t-shirt on the bench nearby and stood at the top of the ladder. He climbed down into the pool and waded over to Dean.

“I find myself… nervous. I can’t drown, so I’m struggling to understand, why?” he admitted.

Dean shrugged. “Maybe because you’ve never done this before?” he offered. Knowing it wasn't.

Cas nodded. “That’s probably it.” he agreed, taking the lifeline Dean had thrown him.

For the next half hour Sam and Dean took Jack and Cas through the basics. Both celestials swam like rocks at first, but soon got the hang of it, growing more confident and proficient. Cas actually seemed to be enjoying it, cutting through the water like he was born to it. Dean challenged Cas to a race to up the ante.

Sam pulled himself out of the pool to act as judge. “Okay, when I whistle, you kick off that end and swim to this end as fast as you can. Loser buys breakfast for everyone. Agreed?” he called out.

“Agreed!” Cas and Dean called out.

Dean looked over at Cas, whose face was set in a grim expression. He waggled his eyebrows in challenge.

“Think you can beat me, huh?” he taunted.

“At anything you care to challenge me to.” Cas said, raising his eyebrow and smirking.

Dean barely managed to stop his mouth dropping open as he saw the competitive side of Cas rear its head. It was hot to say the least.

“Oh, it’s on.” Dean sneered, readying himself.

Cas focused on Sam and waited for the signal to begin the race.

The lifeguard had taken an interest, he climbed down from his seat and approached Sam.

“These guys are taking it pretty seriously.” he chuckled.

Sam nodded. “Yeah, Dean’s pretty competitive, but Cas never backs down from a challenge. This should be fun.” he grinned.

Jack sat on the edge of the pool, ready to cheer on the competitors.

The lifeguard held up his whistle. “I can be an independent and impartial judge, if you want?” Sam nodded.

“Hey, this guy is gonna be the judge instead, okay?” Sam yelled, receiving twin answering yells to the affirmative.

“Ready! Set!” the whistle blew and Dean and Cas kicked off from the opposite end of the pool, both swimmers powering through the water with very little splashing.

“Whoa! I should have timed this.” The lifeguard said regretfully.

Sam chuckled and began cheering for his brother as Jack crowed happily for Cas.

Both swimmers seemed evenly matched at first, Deans experience winning out over Cas’ brute strength briefly, before Cas began to pull ahead, cutting through the water as if he was propelled.

Cas was a body length ahead as he slapped his palm against the end of the pool and raised his arms in celebration, Jack cheering and Sam joining in.

Dean looked pissed as he finished and grudgingly shook Cas’ hand to congratulate him.

“Fine, you won. But I want a rematch when we come back through here.” Dean warned, only half jokingly.

“The outcome would be the same.” Cas said with a shrug that was completely without arrogance. He pushed his wet hair out of his face and smiled. His cheeks were slightly flushed, making his blue eyes stand out.

“Well done guys, that was a good race.” the lifeguard said, with a laugh. “I gotta close up soon though. Grab yourselves a couple of towels from the rack over there and I’ll see you out in a minute.”

Sam gave the guy a friendly pat on the shoulder. “Thanks, man. We’ll get outta your hair.” he said, stepping forward to pull Dean up out of the pool with a splash.

Cas hauled himself out of the pool, his shorts pulling dangerously low, exposing his hipbones and lower stomach, even a hint of pubic hair until he pulled them up. Dean swallowed as he tried not to stare.

Jack handed Cas a towel and he began drying himself off, Dean caught himself staring again when Sam cleared his throat noisily next to him. He turned to see Sam handing him a towel and blushed.

“Dude, no matter what you say, this is not new. You two both stare at each other all the time.” Sam muttered lowly, so only Dean could hear.

Dean shrugged. “I wasn’t aware of it, now that I am, I still can’t seem to stop.” he admitted, his face still flaming.

Sam’s mouth dropped open at the admission. “Do you think- Could it be some sort of compulsion, maybe?” he asked carefully.

Dean looked at him like he’d gone mad. “Is that what you think? That I’m under a spell? Like Famine or something?” he asked, his tone hard and cold.

Sam shrugged. “Maybe. It’s a theory. Do you have any strange urges, or is there a voice telling you to do stuff?” he asked.

Dean frowned. “No, Sam. And anyway, Cas would be able to tell if I was under a spell.” he reminded, his tone clipped.

Sam shook his head. “Not if he was spelled as well. It would have to be a powerful witch to do it, but it can be done.” he said with a shrug.

“Spells escalate, as easy as it would make it to explain all of this, I don’t think that’s what this is. It’s been a few days, by now we’d have escalated to killing any perceived threat, or eating each other or something.” Dean said, wrinkling his nose in disgust.

Sam nodded. “Yeah, you’re right.” he admitted, sounding relieved. “I guess Cas is just that pretty after all.” he teased making Dean scowl defensively.

“Dude, so not ready to joke about it.” Dean hissed in annoyance.

Sam smirked. “If it was me, I’d never hear the end of it.” he defended.

Dean sighed. Sam was right, Dean would have teased Sam relentlessly, but still this was important. “Dude, there are real feelings involved. If I don’t handle this right, it could fuck up everything for this family, do you understand? I could- we could lose him.” Dean said, getting emotional.

Sam looked over at where Cas was making sure Jacks hair was properly dried. “I’m sorry, okay. I was a jerk. I’ll do whatever it takes to help you guys. This is the only family we’ve got, I wanna keep it together. We didn’t fight all of Heaven, Hell and Purgatory only to lose it now” he said, looking determined.

“Amen, Sammy.” said Dean, drying himself with a towel.


	6. Breakthrough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! *waves* 
> 
> Chapter six! I have a feeling you'll like this one....
> 
> Comments and kudos are accepted here.

Dean had splashed out on a continental breakfast buffet. Cas was bemused by the tiny individual pots of honey, so much so, Dean had not been able to resist swiping a few from the buffet table for him. Sam had rolled his eyes when he had spotted Dean coming back to the table, pockets bulging with tiny glass jars.

They headed north into Ohio and were making good time to meet Mary by lunchtime, when Cas’s truck suddenly developed a flat tyre, forcing him off the road and almost into a ditch.

“Well, shit.” Dean grumbled, looking at the damage. “You’ve got a spare, but it’s flat too, and my jack won’t lift this hunk of junk without going through the chassis.”

“I can take the tyre and get it pumped up, but we need to find a way to lift the truck.” Sam said thoughtfully.

Cas rolled his eyes and sighed. He stepped up to the truck, grabbing it just behind the wheel arch and lifting the entire truck a few inches with a squeal of metal, his muscles barely flexing with the effort.

Dean laughed. “Problem solved, I guess.”

Cas let the truck down gently and frowned at the grease and dirt on his palm. “How long will it take?” he asked Sam.

Sam shrugged. “We passed a garage a few miles back. I can be there and back in an hour?” he said, picking up the trucks spare and hefting it into Baby’s trunk.

“I’m sorry that my inattention to the trucks condition has held us up. Now we’ll be late to meet your mother.” Cas said, looking guilty.

Dean shook his head. “Not your fault. I checked the truck over before we left, the tyres were fine, I didn’t check the spare though and that’s on me. By the looks of it, you ran over a nail or something. Not something that the best drivers can avoid, man.” he reassured the angel. “Besides, we ain’t got a set time to meet Mom.”

Sam approached wiping his hands on a rag. “I’ll be back asap. I’ll give you a heads up when I’m on my way back.” he said, taking the keys from Dean.

“Sure, just be careful with my Baby.” Dean warned, making Sam roll his eyes as he climbed into the drivers seat.

Sam turned the car slowly and headed back the way they came, they watched him disappear into the heat haze rising from the black top.

“What shall we do while we wait?” Jack asked, kicking a rock into the dense grass at the side of the road.

Dean lowered himself to sit on the bank and drew his knees up. “Well, I’d suggest eye-spy, but...” he gestured around to the surrounding fields of corn as far as the eye could see.

Cas sat down next to him with a chuckle. “Yes, quite.” he murmured.

Dean shifted and reached to pull out a rock that he’s been sitting on, he scowled at it and threw it, hitting a fence post with a loud ‘clack’.

An idea came to him. “Hey, Jack. Find some little rocks, Cas, I saw some empty cans in your truck, grab ‘em. We’re gonna play a game to pass the time.” he said with a grin.

Cas frowned but complied and Jack shrugged and began picking up a selection of small rocks.

Dean lined up the cans along the nearby fence and grinned. “We can’t do any real target practice, firing a gun along a public highway has a tendency to bring unwanted attention. But, we can play with rocks.” he said with a grin. “As I’m playin’ against a couple of celestials I’m gonna give you guys a handicap. You guys are gonna play blindfolded.”

Cas and Jack both grinned, Dean was momentarily taken aback at how eerily similar they were. He wondered not for the first time whether Jack had chosen to look like Cas as his chosen father. No one would question Jacks parentage looking at them both together. They even shared similar expressions.

“It’s gonna be like pin the tail on the donkey, but with rocks and cans. You put on the blindfold, I spin you around and then you try to nail the can with a rock, okay?” he said, untying his shirt from around his waist and hanging it on the trucks mirror.

Cas and Jack looked at each other confused.

“Pinning a tail on a donkey seems unnecessarily cruel, not to mention pointless.” Cas said, frowning.

Dean sighed and dropped his chin to his chest. Life would be so much simpler if celestials weren’t so damned literal.

“It’s a kids game, Cas. It’s not a literal donkey or a literal tail.” he said in a pained tone.

A look of realisation came over Cas’ face. “Oh, I see. Its a challenge designed to test ones spatial awareness and reflexes.” he said nodding his head. “That sounds acceptable.”

Dean huffed a laugh. “I’ll go first. I’m just a puny human, so I ain’t gonna be blindfolded to even the odds.” he said, picking a smooth rock from the little pile Jack had made and turning it over in his hand.

He squinted his eyes as he stared at the row of cans and then whipped his hand forward, flinging the stone and knocking the middle can off the fence with a loud crack.

“Whooo-hooo!” Dean crowed, throwing his hands up in victory. “Still got it.” he said smugly, throwing up finger guns and winking at Cas as he clicked his tongue.

Cas’ rolled his eyes and huffed a laugh.

“Okay, Cas. You’re up next. I’m gonna tie my shirt over your face and spin you, then you throw, okay?” Dean said, reaching for his shirt.

He approached Cas, who stood facing the cans, squinting at them and tilting his head as if studying them, at the last moment he turned to look at Dean, who suddenly felt shy under the angels gaze. He felt himself flush and his mouth dried as he stood almost chest to chest with the man who occupied most of his thoughts these last few days.

He noticed how thick and long Cas’ lashes were, a slight scar on his top lip, almost unnoticeable in the deep cracks of the angels permanently chapped mouth. His strong jaw, shadowed with stubble and his neck, the skin smooth in contrast. He wondered briefly how soft that skin would feel on his lips and almost sighed.

Seriously, how did he never notice how attractive Cas was before?

“Are you alright?” Cas murmured, looking concerned.

Dean flushed again and shook himself out of his stupor. “Yeah, just.. uh.. hot. It’s hot out! Yeah, The day, it’s hot.” he stammered out, stupidly.

Cas nodded. “Yes, it is. You should be careful not to get heatstroke. Are you feeling unwell? We should find you some shade.” Cas said, looking around with concern.

“No, no. I’m fine. Really.” Dean reassured. “Just being an idiot.” he laughed, mostly at himself. Getting flustered over a boy was such a teenage girl thing to do.

He tied the shirt around Cas’ face and stood back, waving a hand. “Can you see anything? No cheating.” he said.

“No, my eyes are closed as well.” said Cas, his voice muffled by the shirt.

“Alright, I’m gonna put this rock in your hand, then I’m gonna spin you and point you in the direction of the can and then you throw the rock, okay?” said Dean, grabbing Cas by the biceps, trying not to appreciate how strong they felt.

“Okay.” Cas grumbled.

Dean pushed Cas around, spinning him in place before shoving him forward a step in the direction of the fence. “Now throw!” he yelled.

Cas hesitated for a split second before launching the rock at blistering speed, hitting the fence itself and knocking all of the cans down at once as well as the post holding it up.

He lifted the shirt from his eyes with a sheepish look at Dean who began laughing uncontrollably.

“Did I win? I thought the point of the exercise was to knock the cans down.” Cas said with a shrug.

Dean was almost helpless with laughter and Jack joined in, although it was obvious he was laughing more at Dean’s reaction than the situation.

“You- oh my god.” Dean spluttered out, laughing again. “Yeah, you win, buddy.” he conceded, still chuckling.

Cas pulled the shirt off his head, his hair sticking up wildly. “That was fun. What shall we do next?”

Dean’s next thoughts were interrupted by the sight of a police vehicle approaching, they moved to pull in behind the truck.

“Shit. Okay, you two sit there and say nothing, I’ll do the talking.” Dean said, pointing to the low bank in front of the fence. Cas and Jack obeyed, both silent but watchful.

An extremely obese cop climbed out of the car with what seemed like great difficulty. He took a large handkerchief from his pocket and began dabbing his face and bald head with it as he approached Dean who had remained standing. His heavy panting breaths sounded laboured as he waddled around the back of the truck.

“Looks like you folks gotcha selves in a bit of a pickle.” the fat cop said, breathing heavily.

Dean sighed. These kind of cops were all the same, they all had some kind of complex and needed to prove themselves or something. Dean just hoped he didn’t get tased again. Cas would probably smite the guy and then they’d have a dead cop to try and get rid of. He decided to play along, he relaxed his posture to be as non-threatening as possible and plastered a tired, slightly frazzled look on his face. He knew he looked like a slightly harried traveller with a minor inconvenience. He should get an Oscar for his performance, shame no-one was handing them out.

“Yeah, probably ran over a nail or something. My brother’s on his way with a spare, then we’ll be on our way, my Mom will be worried, you know how Moms are.” he said, with a friendly smile.

“Everybody okay here? Nobody got hurt didja?” the cop asked, looking all of them over with a beady eye.

“Nah, we weren’t going fast, just started pulling on the wheel a bit so we pulled over, went completely flat after we stopped.” Dean explained.

“Where you boys off to? Looks like yer loaded up there. Goin’ huntin’?” he asked. Dean had to stifle a laugh, he wrinkled his nose in pretend disgust and shook his head. Seriously, Oscar material.

“Nah, we’re headed off up to Maine, campin’ trip with the kid here. He’s never been.” Dean said, pointing a thumb at Jack who waved and smiled creepily.

The cop frowned at Jack who was still waving enthusiastically and grinning. He turned to Dean a lowered his voice to a whisper.

“He one of those special kids? The ones with the autism? I got a nephew like that, sweetest kid ever. Me and the missus were never blessed with kids, but we love my brothers boy like our own.” he said lowly.

Dean looked over at Jack and smiled. “He’s special alright.” he agreed.

The cop gave Dean a sympathetic look. “Aww, he ain’t shy of strangers? That’s good. My brothers boy gets all nervous of ‘em. I don’t wanna upset the boy and scare ‘im. I just wanted to see if y’all alright here on the side of the road.” he whispered.

Dean breathed a sigh of relief, the cop was just being friendly and a little nosy. “He’s alright. He’s a good kid. He just misses some of the social stuff sometimes.”

The cop smiled. “Well, of course he is. Just gotta be patient with ‘im, that’s all. Is your fella there his real Pa? They look like peas in a pod.” he said, looking at Cas who was straightening Jacks collar as they chatted between themselves.

Dean chuckled. “Believe it or not, Jack is adopted. Just dumb luck he looks like Cas.” he said, glossing over the fact that Cas wasn’t his ‘fella’. It felt kind of nice for a moment to imagine being a real family. A normal family.

The cop whistled. “That’s some luck. I would’a lost money on that bet. Where y’all comin’ from?” he asked, dabbing at his face and head again with the handkerchief.

“Kansas.” Dean answered honestly. The chances of anyone tracking the bunker where nil, it couldn’t be found unless you knew where it was.

“That’s a long drive. Hot too. No wonder yer headin’ up to Maine. It’s real nice up there, maybe I’ll take the missus next year.” the cop said, sweating heavily.

“Yeah, gettin’ warmer too.” Dean commented, gesturing to the cloudless sky. He was running out of small talk.

Cas stood up and approached cautiously. “Uh, Dean. We have a slight problem. Jack needs the bathroom.” he said, gesturing over to where Jack was squirming.

“Crap. Can he hold it a little longer?” Dean asked, closing his eyes as if pained.

Cas shook his head. “He says it’s urgent. He drank three bottles of Gatorade after Sam warned him about dehydration in the heat.” he said regretfully. “Speaking of which, you should get into some shade soon, you’re starting to burn.” he added, looking concerned.

Dean sighed. “I’m alright, but Sam should know better, Jack takes everything so literally.” he grumbled.

The cop chuckled. “Ain’t it always the way with special kids? Look, there ain’t no-one here but us boys. If you take ‘im over there where I can’t see, then I don’t know nothin’ about it, alright?” he said kindly, dabbing at his head with the handkerchief again.

“Hey, thanks man. That’s nice of you.” Dean said, genuinely grateful.

“Yes, thank you.” Cas said in his gravelly tone, he returned to Jack and pointed into the cornfield where the stalks would cover him from view. Jack nodded and hopped the fence, almost running into the field and disappearing into the stalks.

“He’s a lucky kid to have you folks as his Daddies. Yer fella seems like a good man. I don’t see no ring on yer finger, might wanna have one of them weddings they made legal now. ‘bout time too, the more love in this world, the better I always say.” the cop said, with a smile.

Dean looked over at Cas, his eyes soft. “Eh, he’s too good for me.” he said with a good natured shrug.

The radio in the cop car crackled to life with a burst of static.

“Aww, hell. That’ll be for me. I gotta get back with lunch for the boys. I just wanted to check on you fellas, but you seem to be alright to me. I’ll swing by in an hour or so, make sure you got on your way. If you’re still here, I know someone in town who’ll give you a tow for a decent price. Sound fair?” the cop said, waddling back to his car.

“That's decent of you, thanks.” Dean said, genuinely grateful to the man.

“Aww, it’s no trouble. Back where I’m from, it’s just the right thing to do. You run into trouble ‘round here, you call the station and ask for Bill, that’s me.” said Bill, climbing into his car. “Take care of yer boy now, the special ones are precious.”

Dean held up a hand as goodbye as Bill drove off.

“He was a nice man.” Cas said from just behind Dean.

Dean turned to face Cas with a warm smile. “He really was. I thought he’d stopped just to give us shit. But he really was just checkin’ to see if we were okay.” he sounded surprised.

Cas smiled. “He called Jack, special.” he seemed pleased by that.

Dean nodded, looking down the road as the car disappeared over the horizon. “Yeah, he thought Jack was autistic, apparently he has a nephew that he’s really fond of, so he has a soft spot for special kids, but I think he’s just a good guy in general. Not many of those.” he said, sadly.

“You didn’t correct him when he assumed we were a couple.” Cas said quietly, looking down at his feet.

Dean shrugged. “Didn’t seem to be a point.” he said, risking a glance at Cas who was resolutely staring at the ground. “Besides, I was kind of.. flattered, I guess.” he admitted, his cheeks flaring. He heard Cas’ sharp inhale and shoved his hands in his pockets and turned away.

He didn’t hear Cas approach until he was right behind him, grabbing his arm and turning him around. They stood face to face, Cas’ eyes alight with hope.

“You- Are you-” Cas stammered, holding Dean by the elbows.

Dean shrugged. “I dunno, it was nice, being mistaken for a normal family. For a minute there it felt like it was possible for us to have this, for it to be real. And I- I liked it.” he admitted.

Cas’s eyes went soft. “It is, if you want it. We can continue hunting, or retire, if you wish. We can have whatever we want, you just have to want it enough.” he said, his voice cracking.

Dean groaned. “I still don’t know, Cas. I’m so confused-”

He was cut off when Cas kissed him suddenly. In his surprise, he found himself kissing back before his brain kicked in. Cas kissed just like he did everything else, single minded, ruthless and devastating. When Dean’s back hit the side of the truck he barely noticed, his world had narrowed down to the way Cas pressed against him and the clever tongue tangling with his own, his toes curling as Cas poured his whole being into the kiss.

“Phew! That’s better I thought I was- OH!” Jack cut himself off and stood in shocked silence as Cas and Dean broke apart quickly, Cas backing off from Dean and walking away a few steps, turning his face away and rubbing his neck in a self conscious gesture. Dean just stood slumped, open mouthed, totally stunned by what had just happened.

“I was- You were-” Jack stammered, pointing between the two men.

Dean shook himself out of his stupor. “We were- Um, I’m not actually sure what that was, Jack. Give us a second, will ya kid?” he asked, standing on shaky legs.

Jack nodded and began walking in the opposite direction, taking himself out of earshot.

Dean stared at Cas who was looking at the ground again. His back stiff and his fists clenched.

“You kissed me.” Dean said, his voice flat.

Cas nodded. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know how else to-” he choked out. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

Dean sighed. “No, you shouldn’t have.” he agreed.

“This is harder than I thought it would be.” Cas said quietly, wrapping his arms around himself defensively. “You’ve given me hope and I find myself struggling to hold back. I’m trying to be patient, I’m trying to give you the space you need to decide. But it’s so difficult, when you are everything I want.”

Dean could feel the pain radiating from the angel. His own chest ached and he rubbed it absently.

“Cas, I’m sorry.” Dean said, his own voice cracking. “I know it seems like I’m toying with you. I promise you, I’m not. I don’t _want_ to fuck things up between us, but it’s happening anyway.” he pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes.

“Do you want me?” Cas asked, still facing away from Dean, staring off at the horizon.

“I don’t know. Maybe.” Dean growled out. He sighed and dropped his hands. “Okay, yes. I do. But it’s not that simple, Cas. If I fuck it up, I lose you. I lose Jack. I lose this family we’ve worked so damned hard to hold together. I need to be sure, you deserve that. Hell, I deserve that.” he almost shouted.

Cas nodded. “Okay.” he said, his voice cracking again. His shoulders were drawn tight and he looked crushed.

“Cas, look at me. Please.” Dean begged.

Cas turned around, his face betraying the pain he felt. Dean felt like shit for putting that expression on Cas’ face.

“I’m scared, Cas. I’m so fucking scared.” Dean said, his voice cracking. “When Lucifer-” a sob escaped and he took a moment, trying to get himself under control.

“When I lost you, it destroyed me. I couldn’t breathe. I wrapped your body, gettin’ it ready for a hunters funeral. I wouldn’t let Sammy help me. I wanted to do it myself. I kept looking at you, wishing you’d wake up.” he took a shaky breath. “I fuckin’ prayed to Chuck. I begged him to give you back, because I need you, I need you in my life. If I lose you again, I don’t know how I’m ever gonna come back from it.” Tears were streaming down his face as he made his quiet confession.

Cas closed his eyes and dropped his head. “I never knew any of this.” he said, his voice almost a whisper.

Dean swiped the tears from his face with the back of his hand. “Cas I’ve been running on empty for so long, it’s like I went numb or something. It’s the only thing that kept me goin’. I’m only just realising that the feelings were there all along, but I buried ‘em. I think Michael did something to me, he took away something and now I’m feeling everything again. It’s too much all at once.” he sagged as his greatest fear and the reason for his erratic behaviour in the last few months finally came out.

Cas looked up, the pain on his face was mixed with sympathy for Dean’s distress. “I’m not helping, am I?” he said quietly.

Dean shook his head. “To be honest, no. You’re not. But that’s not your fault.” Dean admitted.

Cas’ breath hitched and he swallowed heavily. “Perhaps I should go. If I’m making things worse for you-”

“NO!” Dean barked out, surprising them both. “Please, don’t. I told you, I need you. I cant take it when you leave.” he added quietly, his heart racing at the thought of Cas walking away.

Cas nodded. “Okay.” he said, stepping closer, his eyes wary. “Then tell me, what do you want me to do?”

Dean felt the panic abating slightly. “I know I’m not makin’ sense. I think-” He took a few deep breaths, trying to settle his panicked thoughts.

“I think I want this, us. But, I need time.” he said quietly. “I’m tryin’ to get my head around it. That we can have this.”

Cas’s expression was one of beautiful, terrible hope. He stood with a half dazed look of wonder, staring at Dean as if he’d misheard.

Dean felt some of the wonder himself. That he could have this, be with Cas. “I’m gonna need to take it slow, okay?” he said in a shaky voice.

Cas nodded, his eyes alight with joy. “Yes. I can wait until you come to me.” he said.

Dean huffed a laugh. “I dunno if I can get the courage to do that, if I’m honest.”

Cas sighed. “Then what should I do? I don’t understand the rules here.” he said looking frustrated.

Dean groaned. “I think we just build up to things. This is off book for me too.”

His eyes lit up from a sudden burst of inspiration. “We make it up as we go.” he grinned.

Cas beamed at the reference. “I understand.” he nodded.

The distant sound of Baby’s engine could be heard as Sam returned with the new tyre for the truck.

Dean frowned and looked down as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. He had a couple of messages from Sam and a missed call from his Mom. He’d left his phone on silent by accident.

“We’ll talk about this later, Okay?” he said to Cas who nodded. He turned to wave at Sam who pulled up in front of the truck.

“Hey guys? Did you know Jack was wandering up the road on his own? I got him to jump in with me and he’s upset and won’t tell me why, did something happen?” Sam said, looking stern.

Cas and Dean gave each other guilty looks.

“Uh, sort of.” Dean said, his cheeks flaring red.

“I’ll talk to him.” Cas said, heading for the car as Sam approached Dean warily.

Dean watched Cas climb into the car until Sam stood in front of him, blocking his view.

“What happened?” Sam asked, just short of a demand.

“Um, Jack needed to pee and he went into the cornfield, when he came out he saw Cas kissing me.” Dean mumbled, blushing furiously. There was no point in lying.

Sam took a shocked breath. “What?!” he said looking stunned.

“Cas kissed me. We had a fight, then we agreed to take it slow.” he laughed out. “Yeah, that’s about it.” he laughed again, suddenly finding himself unable to stop.

Sam looked like a moose in the headlights. “What?” he said, confused. “I mean, what the fuck? I was only gone for forty minutes.” he said incredulously.

Dean lost it, laughing so hard he bent double. “I know, it’s ridiculous. It’s- It’s like a telenovella. I’m expecting an ex to show up any moment declaring their undying love.” he spluttered out.

Sam started laughing. “Fucking hell, it’s never simple with you two, is it?”

Dean shook his head, still laughing. “Nope.” he agreed.


	7. Revelations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi *waves*
> 
> Dean has a much needed talk with his mother and receives some wise advice. Sam wishes he was an only child. Mary meddles behind the scenes. And Cas gets his man.
> 
> Did I say they were taking it slow? Who's slow? I don't know her. She doesn't even go here.

Mary opened the door to her motel room, smiling as she greeted all of her boys. “Hey, boys. I thought you’d have been here a while ago, everything alright?” she asked, only slightly concerned. She did a double take at Castiel’s clothes, but said nothing, merely raised a curious eyebrow and looked at Dean who shrugged.

Sam showed her his dirty palms. “Cas’s truck got a flat, we had to stop to fix it.” he said, heading over to the small sink to wash his hands, dropping a kiss to him Mom’s head as he passed her.

“I’m gonna go over the truck this afternoon. See if there’s anything else I missed.” Dean said, elbowing his brother out of the way so he could wash his own hands. “Is there a garage near here? I might as well change all the tyres while I’m at it.”

Mary shrugged. “Not sure, I can ask at the desk. The guy seemed helpful when I booked a couple of rooms for you boys.” she said, staring at Castiel who blushed self consciously.

“Changed your outfit, Castiel? You look nice.” she said, chuckling as Cas looked away bashfully.

“Dean pointed out that I would stick out if I went camping wearing the trench coat.” Cas said shyly. “I feel a little lost without it, I’ll admit. But this is comfortable, at least.”

Mary looked at him in amazement. “I didn’t know angels could blush. I’ve never seen you so self conscious, Cas.” she said with a chuckle. “The clothes suit you, you look great.” she complimented.

Cas looked at Dean and Dean knew if Cas had his wings he would have fluttered off right then and there.

“Mom, you’re embarrassing him.” Dean said with a soft look at Cas.

Mary looked between them and frowned. She turned to Cas. “I’m sorry, Cas.” she apologised.

Cas shook his head. “No, don’t worry yourself. I’m just unused to compliments. Thank you, Mary.” he said earnestly.

“Well, alright. I booked a couple of rooms, the keys are there on the counter and I thought we’d go out for burgers and beer tonight. There’s a bar just across the street that has a pool table.” Mary said with a smile that began to fall as Dean looked uncomfortable.

“What? What did I say?” Mary said, frowning as she looked around at the serious faces.

Dean cleared his throat. “I’m not drinking so much right now, Mom. Everyone else is layin’ off for a while to support me.” he said, looking down at the floor.

Mary’s expression changed to worried in a split second. “Oh. Of course, we can do something else instead...” she trailed off, at a loss of what to say.

“I brought a deck of cards. We can get a pizza and some sodas and play a little go-fish with Jack here.” Sam suggested.

Mary smiled. “That sounds good, a night in with all of my boys.” she said, looking relieved.

“Wanna come with me to get some tyres for Cas’ truck?” Dean said to his Mom.

Mary gave him a curious look. Dean obviously wanted to talk to her about something, in the short time she’d gotten to know him, she could tell when something was bothering him. Although he wasn’t particularly subtle, he wasn’t always forthcoming, she jumped on the opportunity.

“Sure, I need a couple of things myself. My trunk smells like a ghoul nest.” she joked.

“Cool, I’ll just dump my bag in my room and we’ll head out, okay?” Dean said, throwing an arm around her shoulder and grinning as they left the room.

Cas picked up one of the keys and tossed it to Jack who caught it, then held it up to look at the room number.

“Put our things in the room Jack. I’ll join you in a moment, we’ll watch some cartoons together.” Cas promised.

“Can I get some candy from the vending machine?” Jack asked hopefully.

“No, candy today, remember?” Cas reminded, his face stern.

Jack pouted. “Yeah, I remember.” he sighed sadly.

Sam bit his lip to prevent himself from laughing as Jack flounced out of the room in a sulk.

“I’m gonna head down the road and grab some sandwiches, it’ll tide us over until tonight. Jack’s more like Dean than either of them realise, both of them get bitchy when they’re hungry.” Sam laughed.

Cas huffed a laugh. “Indeed.”

“You okay, Cas? You seem like you wanna talk.” Sam asked his friend.

Cas looked at Sam gratefully. “I do. I would like to know how you feel about Dean and I beginning a romantic relationship. I would not want to upset you. I love you both, although with Dean it-”

“Cas, lemme stop you there. I have no problem at all with you and Dean. I love you like a brother, dude. I just want you both to be happy. I admit, I’m scared that you’ll both get hurt, but mostly I’m just really happy.” he said, pulling the angel into a hug that would have hurt a normal human.

Cas hugged back, patting Sam on the back awkwardly.

***************

Mary waited until Dean pulled the truck onto the main street before she decided to bring up the elephant in the room. Or the truck, whatever.

“I take it you wanna talk? It seems kind of urgent the way you hustled us out of there barely five minutes after you arrived. Are you okay?” Mary asked, looking concerned. “Are you having problems with drinking?”

Dean sighed, nervously tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. “I’m thinking about retiring.” he said quietly.

Mary looked surprised. “Oh. I thought-”

“Yeah, I know. I always said there is no ‘out’ for us. But I’m comin’ apart at the seams, Mom. Michael knocked me down, and I’m havin’ a hard time getting back up. I need a break, might look into a way of makin’ it a permanent one. Settle down maybe.” he said, with a shrug.

Mary gave him a considering look. “I never wanted this life for you and Sam. You’ve done more than your fair share, if you want to retire, I say, go for it.” she said gently. “Is that all?” she asked, knowing it wasn’t.

“Cas told me he’s in love with me.” Dean blurted, his cheeks flaming red.

Mary laughed. “He finally told you then?”

Dean looked over at her. “You knew too?”

Mary shrugged. “I thought it was common knowledge. When I first saw you together, well, I thought you were _together_.” she chuckled. “He’s here with you, so what happened?”

Dean blushed again. “I wasn’t sure what to make of it. I’d only just realised I kinda liked him like that too. I told him I’d have to think about it.” he said, taking the turn onto a busy street with slow moving traffic.

Mary turned sideways in her seat. “I’m sensing there’s more. Go on.” she encouraged.

Dean glanced at his mother and smiled shyly. “This morning, we got mistaken for a couple, and it was nice. For a moment we were just a normal family, takin’ a trip. I didn’t want to let it go.” he admitted, tapping his fingers on the wheel again.

Mary smiled. “Nice feeling, isn’t it?” she was speaking from experience.

Dean nodded. “Cas overheard and asked me why I didn’t correct them, I told him the same thing I told you, and.. well...” he squirmed in his seat.

Mary looked intrigued. “Well, what?” she asked.

“Then he kissed me.” Dean said quietly, glancing at his mother and waiting for her reaction.

Mary grinned. “That was brave of him.” she said. “What was it like? Good? Bad? He wasn’t one of those kissers that drool too much, was he?”

Dean laughed as his blush deepened. “It was good, real good. Intense.” he confided.

Mary’s eyes lit up. “Really? Well, you know what they say about the quiet ones.” she chuckled. “Then what happened?” she asked excitedly.

Dean shrugged. “Well, we had a bit of a fight. I still couldn’t make up my mind, but then I agreed to take it slow.”

Mary grinned again. “Do you love him?”

Dean hesitated then nodded.

Mary leaned forward a little. “Have you told him?” she asked.

Dean squirmed. “Sort of? We kind of got interrupted.”

Mary sighed. “Talk to him, tell him how you feel. He’s probably just as scared as you are. He’s not human, so you have to be extra careful to communicate. He won’t just know, you’ll have to tell him, everything. Don’t keep secrets, learn from my mistakes.” she said sadly.

Dean nodded. “It doesn’t bother you? Me and Cas?” he asked.

Mary shook her head. “Nope. He loves you, that’s all that matters. He would die for you, _has_ died for you. I couldn’t ask for more.” she said.

Dean let out the breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding. “I’m still pretty messed up. I should probably get my head together before I commit to him properly.” he said, not liking the sound of it.

Mary frowned. “Why? In everything you’ve gone through, he was right there with you. Let him support you while you recover. That’s what being with someone means. Letting them in. You can still work on yourself, just let him be a part of it.” she advised.

Dean looked thoughtful as he pulled the wheel to steer them onto the forecourt of the garage.

“I thought it would be too much, that he deserved more than seeing me work on getting better. He deserves someone who isn’t as messed up as me.” he said, as he killed the engine.

Mary shook her head. “Why exclude him from seeing you heal? Knowing he had a part in it? It’ll make you stronger, having his support. Asking for help is not a weakness.” she reminded.

Dean nodded, something inside slotted into place. It would be almost cruel to exclude Cas from being there for him. Holding him at arms length while Dean worked on getting better would be akin to torture.

“Okay, I think you’re right. I’ll talk to him.” Dean said, smiling at his mother.

Mary grinned. “I know I am. I’m happy for you both.” she pressed a hand to Deans face affectionately.

“C’mon. Let’s get some new tyres for this hunk of junk.” Dean said, opening the truck door and stepping out.

Mary nodded. Taking out her phone and shooting off a text to Sam before she stepped out. She smiled to herself. Dean was his own worst enemy, he would need all the help he could get to make it work. Thank goodness Cas literally had the patience of an angel.

*****************

“Go fish.” Jack said, squinting at his cards.

Dean frowned. “I could have sworn you had sevens.” he pouted, picking up from the deck.

Mary took a drink from her soda. “Stop trying to count the cards, it’s not Vegas and it’s not poker.” she scolded.

“He ain’t Rainman either.” Sam muttered under his breath.

“Oh, I know that movie. With Dustin Hoffman and Tom Cruise.” Cas said, excitedly, pleased that he had understood the reference.

Dean looked at him proudly. “Hey, there you go. I knew educating you on popular culture would pay off. Next movie night we’ll watch Top Gun and Tootsie” he said, deliberately touching Cas on the knee and holding his hand there for a moment.

Sam laughed. “Oh, damn. I haven’t seen Tootsie since we were kids.” he said, picking up a slice of pizza.

“I know that movie! It came out when I was pregnant with Sam.” Mary said giving her youngest son a soft look as she petted his hair affectionately.

“Don’t worry, Mom. I’ll get you caught up on popular culture too.” Dean promised.

“I’ll hold you to that.” she said, smiling as she saw Deans hand still on Cas’ knee.

“Claire sends me memes, once she explains them, they are extremely funny.” Cas said, frowning at his cards. “Fours?” he asked.

“Go fish.” Dean said, picking up a slice of pizza and frowning when half of the cheese slid off, taking most of the toppings with it. “Damn it. I need two hands for this pizza.”

“Just don’t get grease all over my cards.” Sam said, grimacing in disgust as Dean balled up the cheese and put it in his mouth.

“Okay, I won’t.” Dean said, wiping his greasy hand on Sam's shirt.

“You’re a fucking pig.” Sam scowled at his brother, who waggled his eyebrows and grinned, showing the food in his mouth.

“Dean, stop acting like an animal.” Mary scolded.

Sam shot him a smug look as Dean had the grace to look ashamed.

“I’m tired.” Jack said, yawning. “I don’t know why. I haven’t done anything today.” he said looking surprised. “Although I didn’t sleep well last night. I watched TV with Cas instead.”

Sam gave him a soft smile. “That’s probably why. You’re still getting used to being mostly human, and you haven’t had a ton of sugar today to top up your energy reserves. You’ll sleep better tonight.”

“I can help you if you’re still struggling.” Cas offered, holding up his hand.

Jack nodded. “Okay. I’m looking forward to tomorrow. I can’t wait!” he said excitedly.

Dean and Sam shared a smile.

Mary smiled softly. “What part are you looking forward to the most, Jack?” she asked, tucking her leg under her on the bed.

“Roasting marshmallows on the fire. Oh, and s’mores.” he said, grinning.

“Of course it would be the sugar.” Dean chuckled. Cas just rolled his eyes.

“They are good. What about seeing all that nature? The trees, plants, animals?” Mary questioned.

Jack looked thoughtful. “I guess. Sam said he’ll teach me how to make a hammock and Dean said he’ll show me how to cook on the fire.” he looked at Cas. “Cas will show me all of the different plants and animals. How they are all connected.”

Cas nodded. “You still have enough of a connection to sense it, Jack. I’ll show you how.” he promised.

“Well, we’d all better get a good nights sleep tonight then. Lets make this the last game and then we’ll all hit the hay.” Mary said, looking at her cards. “I got a lead on a hunt in Texas, Bobby is gonna meet me in Crystal city.” she added, making Dean tense.

“Looks like a Chupacabra. Nothing more dangerous than that, I promise.” she reassured. Dean relaxed again.

They finished up the game and helped Mary clean up her room of pizza boxes and soda cans, Cas took the bag of trash out to the dumpster so Mary wouldn’t have to sleep in a room that smelled of stale pizza all night.

Sam was setting the alarm on Jacks phone as Dean hugged his Mom goodnight.

“Alright, while we were out, I had Sam swap the rooms around a little. He’s sharing with Jack and you and Cas have the other room.” Mary said, smugly.

Dean balked. “What? Why?” he protested, feeling cornered.

Mary gave him a stern look. “Because you and Cas need to talk, that’s why. You won’t get the privacy over the next few days. Take the opportunity to start things off on the right foot.” she said wisely.

Dean sighed. He’d hoped to get a few more days to think about what he wanted to say. But Mary was right, leaving Cas hanging wasn’t fair. “Alright, I know you’re right. But..”

“You’re scared. And that’s alright. But when you saved the world, you were scared and you did it anyway. This is nothing compared.” Mary said softly.

Dean grimaced. “It don’t feel like it.” he grumbled.

Mary rolled her eyes. “Really? This is what scares you the most?” she said, giving Dean a look.

Dean shrugged. “I had to be strong then. This is… not that.” he admitted.

Mary gave him a look of understanding. “Cas doesn’t need you to be strong for him, so you don’t know how to be with him without taking care of him.” she said putting words to what Dean was feeling.

Dean nodded.

“This is what I was saying earlier, let him take care of you. Being vulnerable with the one you love isn’t being weak. That takes the most courage of all.” Mary reassured.

Dean nodded. “Okay. I’m probably gonna need a few more pep talks before I get this. You up for talkin’ me down when I’m on a ledge about this stuff?” he asked, pulling his mother into another hug.

“Anytime, baby.” she said, hugging him back.

**************

Dean sat on his bed, fidgeting nervously waiting for Cas to finish saying goodnight to Jack.

He thought about what he was going to say, whether he and Cas would kiss again. He was working himself up to a panic attack when the door opened and Cas finally walked in.

“Hello, Dean.” he said, his eyes soft as he closed and locked the door.

Dean felt all of the fear fall away at the happiness radiating from the angel.

“Hey, Cas.” he said, returning the smile. “Come sit with me, we should probably talk.” he said patting the edge of the bed.

Cas took off his shirt and kicked off his boots, leaving his t-shirt and jeans on, before sitting on the edge of Deans bed.

“Okay, what did you want to talk about?” he asked Dean, his expression earnest.

“Us. I wanted to talk about us. How we feel, what do we expect from this. That type of thing.” Dean said, feeling some of the nerves creeping back in.

“Okay.” Cas said, looking at him expectantly.

Dean took a deep breath. “Okay.” he said then groaned. “Ugh, I have no idea what to say. This is so far out of my wheelhouse, it ain’t funny.”

Cas reached for his hand tentatively. “Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.” he assured.

Dean gripped the angels hand, grateful for the lifeline.

“Okay, I’m not great with words, but I just wanted to say that.. I.. love you.” he said, his face flaring up in a fierce blush. If he kept blushing like this he’d have to invest in some ice packs to cool his burning face.

The look that came over Cas’s face was nothing short of wondrous. “Oh, I- I love you too.” he stammered out. He clearly hadn’t expected Dean to ever say it.

Dean grinned at him, feeling the absurd desire to laugh.

“I talked to my Mom about you. She’s happy about it.” Dean said, loving the way Cas’ expressions were so clear as he smiled happily.

“I was worried she and Sam wouldn’t approve.” Cas confessed.

“Nah, they’re over the moon.” Dean reassured. “She gave me some advice. It made sense. She said we should talk, that I couldn’t expect you to just guess how I’m feeling. So, I’m gonna try to do that, okay?” he said, squeezing Cas’ hand.

Cas nodded. “I should do the same then?” he said uncertainly.

Dean realised that Cas was just as lost as he was, it made him feel a little better.

“Yeah.” Dean said, nodding his head.

“So what is it you want to say first?” Cas asked, leaning in a little closer.

Dean looked thoughtful. “I guess I’m mostly wondering about your expectations. What you want from me in a relationship.” he said nervously.

Cas looked thoughtful. “Mostly, I want to be allowed to be near you. I want to be able to talk with you, listen to you. I want to be able to touch you, for you to touch me. I want to be able to hold you close, comfort you. I want to kiss you, all the time, all over.” he said, blushing a little. “I want to be the only one to do that.”

Dean’s eyes widened. “So, you want sex?” he clarified.

Cas nodded. “As part of a romantic relationship, yes? If you are not comfortable with that, I understand, and will never pressure you. I just want to be with you.” he said, his expression one of complete honesty.

Dean smiled. “I don’t think it’ll be a problem in the long run. Just, we’ll take that part slow, okay? I’m not entirely sure what experience you have, but for me, with guys anyway, it’s nil.” he said, feeling embarrassed.

Cas shrugged. “I have had five female partners and three male partners. I found I didn’t really have a preference either way, but none of them were you.” he said, looking down and away, seemingly embarrassed.

Dean gaped in surprise. “Oh. So you- How did- No. You know what? Never mind. We’ll come back to that another time.” he said, feeling flustered and a little jealous.

“Have I upset you?” Cas asked, noticing the way Deans mouth twisted.

Dean shook his head. “No, I was just surprised, that’s all. I thought you’d only ever been with that April chick. I guess you’re not so crass as to boast about gettin’ laid.” he said, with a shrug.

“I got lonely sometimes. I never sought them out, they came to me. Sometimes I said no, but others, well, sometimes it was nice to be close to someone for a while.” Cas said sadly.

Dean understood that feeling all too well. “Yeah. I know what you mean.” he agreed.

“I wanted them to be you. Is that wrong? It felt wrong.” Cas confessed.

Dean smiled. “There’s a saying. ‘If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.’ I think that applies to this situation.”

Cas looked confused. “That didn’t answer my question.”

Dean chuckled. “They knew what they were gettin’ into, you made them no promises, they didn’t make any either. It’s two lonely people just takin’ comfort in each other. As long as everyone is on board, it’s not wrong, Cas. I’d be a massive hypocrite if I said it was.”

Cas sighed with relief. “So, you’re not upset with me?” he asked.

Dean shook his head. “No, Cas. Like I said, I’d be a hypocrite if I was. Can I ask a question about them though?” he asked while he still had the courage.

Cas nodded.

“Were they all one night stands? Or were they like boyfriends or girlfriends?” Dean asked.

Cas shrugged. “Some of them were one night stands, some of them were loose arrangements. We’d meet for sex, then part ways the next day. Not a relationship, as such.”

Dean nodded appreciatively. “Okay then. Looks like I have to adjust my view of you. I figured you for bein’ an innocent, now I know you’re a horn dog, just like the rest of us.” he teased.

Cas blushed and dropped his chin to his chest. “I should ask you what you want out of a relationship.” he said, looking up.

Dean shrugged. “I guess I want the same things. I wanna fall asleep next to you. Wake up with you there. Show you things, learn stuff I never knew. I kinda wanna touch you too.” he confessed shyly.

Cas grinned. “I want to kiss you.” he said, a predatory gleam in his eye.

Dean gulped. “Same.” he said.

Cas leaned forward, meeting Dean in the middle. The kiss was softer this time, less urgent, but no less passionate for it. Dean felt a curl of arousal as Cas wrapped a hand around the back of his neck. He wondered what to do with his hands and settled for wrapping them around Cas’s shoulders.

They sat, just kissing until Dean broke off, his lips becoming chapped and his breath short.

“I haven’t just kissed someone like that since I was a teenager.” he panted, slightly consternated that he’d somehow ended up virtually sitting in Cas’ lap.

“I like kissing you.” Cas said, wrapping his arms around Deans waist and resting his hands on the small of his back.

“Well, I am a good kisser.” Dean boasted, with a grin.

“You are.” Cas agreed. He touched a sensitive patch on Deans face. “I may have to shave a little closer in future.” he said frowning.

Dean touched the same place and laughed. “Oh my god, you gave me beard rash. How embarrassing.”

“Is it? Why? I like seeing it, for some reason. I don’t really understand why.” Cas said, looking confused.

Dean’s breath hitched. “You like marking your territory, you kinky bastard.” he laughed. “Possessive too, I guess.”

Cas shrugged. “I’ll admit to feeling particularly strong emotions about the thought of someone else touching you.” he said, looking embarrassed.

Dean thought about if the situation was reversed and felt sick. “Uh, yeah. That makes two of us, I guess.” He smiled. “This is it for me, okay? Us. We’ve gotta make this work, Cas. Neither of us fucking around, and we talk about stuff, okay?” he said seriously.

Cas nodded. “I agree. Is there anything else? Or can I kiss you again?” he said cheekily.

“Okay, kissing it is, and maybe a little over the clothes action this time.” Dean flirted with a wink.

Cas grinned wolfishly.


	8. Plans, so many plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! *waves*
> 
> A surfeit of fluff here. A plethora, even. 
> 
> Cas makes a joke [Yes, really]. Mary loves her sons. Dean impresses Cas. Jack is a genius and embraces the great outdoors [and everyone else] and Sam has a plan. 
> 
> Comments and Kudos for starving writer? *shakes tin*

Dean woke up with a start, the alarm on his phone blaring until Cas leaned over to silence it. He realised he’d fallen asleep while they had been talking, his cheek resting on Cas’ chest.

“Good morning.” Cas rumbled. His voice impossibly deep.

Dean snuggled into Cas and sighed. “Mornin’” he mumbled. “Need coffee.”

Cas chuckled. “It’s Sam’s turn this morning. He already texted me to tell me he’s gone to get everyone coffee and donuts.” he said, combing his fingers through Dean’s hair.

“S’nice.” Dean murmured. “Wakin’ up with you here, I mean.”

“I very much enjoyed holding you as you slept.” Cas said quietly, as if confessing a guilty secret.

“I should be weirded out by that, but I’m not. I’m too damned comfortable.” Dean said, lazily. “You make a comfy body pillow.”

Cas huffed a laugh. “Well, thank you. I think.”

“I should shower, but I’ll wait until I’ve had coffee. I always need to poop straight after I’ve had my first cup, might as well wait if I don’t have to fight Sam for it.” Dean said, yawning.

“And they say romance is dead.” Cas dead panned.

Dean laughed as he sat up, stretching his arms over his head. “Eh, you knew this about me going in. You’ve only got yourself to blame.” he said, pressing a kiss to Cas’ lips. He grimaced. “Ugh, I think I’ll brush my teeth though, morning breath is the worst.”

Cas shrugged. “It doesn’t bother me.” he said, pulling Dean in for another kiss.

A knock at the door had Dean jumping back with a start, he blushed as Cas rolled his eyes and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

“One moment.” Cas called out. “We just need to put pants on.”

“Cas!” Dean gasped out, scandalised. “We’re wearing pants, we never took them off.”

Cas just grinned. “I know that, but your brother doesn’t.” he said smugly.

“You little shit.” Dean hissed out, embarrassed but a little proud as well. Mostly he wished he’d thought of it first.

Cas walked over to the door, unlocking it and opening it to find Mary on the other side, her eyebrow raised and a smirk on her lips.

Cas blushed to the roots of his hair.

Dean burst out laughing. “He thought you were Sam.” he explained.

“I apologise, Mary.” Cas said, ushering Mary in the door and taking the tray of coffees she held in one hand.

“That’s quite alright, Castiel. I was a married woman, I know what couples get up to, and I’m no prude.” she said teasingly. Dean laughed even harder as Cas’ eyes almost bulged out of his head.

“So. I take it you both talked? Figured some stuff out, I hope?” she said, sitting down at the tiny table against the wall and opening the box of donuts.

Dean swung his legs over the side of the bed and stretched again. “Yeah, we talked till almost two am. I think I crashed halfway through a sentence.” Dean said, taking the coffee Cas offered him gratefully. “Thanks, Cas.”

“You’re welcome.” Cas murmured. “I believe we were coming up with ideas for if you retire from hunting. We realised that a cowboy slash rock star slash astronaut was a little unrealistic, so you thought about maybe opening a classic car repair business. You fell asleep as you described selling the cars in the bunkers garage to fund it.” Cas answered helpfully.

Mary grinned. “That sounds like a great idea. That’s what you should do, Dean.” she said, sounding excited.

Dean looked surprised. “Yeah, you really think so?” he asked, sipping his coffee.

Mary nodded. “Yes, I do. Those cars are just collecting dust, they’re worth quite a bit in today's money. Use them to start a new life.” she said, biting into a glazed donut.

“I’m still not a hundred per cent sure I want to retire, it’s just an idea right now.” Dean said, feeling a little self conscious.

“Is it because of Sam, and me? You’re not sure if you can stop if we keep hunting?” Mary asked, hitting the nail on the head.

Dean slumped, turning his coffee cup in his hands. “Yeah, a little.” he admitted.

Mary looked thoughtful. “Okay. Well, we obviously need to all sit down together and talk about this as a family. You boys go off and enjoy your camping trip, I’ll meet you back at the bunker once I’ve wrapped this hunt up with Bobby. We’re all gonna have to make some changes, I guess.” she said with a shrug.

Dean sighed. “Well, now I just feel guilty.” he mumbled.

Mary walked over to where Dean sat on the edge of the bed, she knelt down in front of him. “No, baby. This might just be what we all need. Sam managed to get us organised before, maybe he can do it again. Share the workload so it doesn’t have to be all on your shoulders.” she said, cradling his face in her hand.

Dean nodded. “I’d feel better about it that way.” he said quietly.

Mary smiled. “There, see? It doesn’t have to be hard. There’s nothing we can’t do if we put our heads together.” she said brightly.

Dean pulled his mother in and kissed her head. “Thanks, Mom.” he whispered into her hair.

“You’re welcome, Baby.” she whispered back.

****************

“Well, my Baby ain’t makin’ it no further on this road.” Dean said regretfully as he pulled the Impala over to turn her around.

The had travelled up into Maine, up to the hundred mile wilderness and had left the logging road and driven down a track towards a lake that Sam had picked as a good campsite.

“I can always push her out if she gets stuck.” Cas assured him.

Dean grinned. “This is why we’re friends, Cas.” he said, wincing as a particularly deep rut in the track made the car drop on one side. He looked out the window over to Sam who was driving Cas’ truck. Sam gave him a thumbs up and made a gesture to show he would also turn around once Dean had parked.

“Why are you turning the car around now?” Cas asked, curious.

“Several reasons, Cas.” Said Dean gritting his teeth as the wheel fought him on the bumpy track.

“One, if we need a quick get away, the car is ready to go.” he finally managed to wrestle the wheel around and complete the turn.

“Two, same goes if it rains, the track will make it difficult to turn in the mud and too slippery to reverse the whole way back.” he said, driving on a few more feet to give Sam enough room to turn the truck.

“Three, it makes it easier to unload and reload all of our shit.” he said, putting the car into park and killing the engine.

Cas looked thoughtful. “From a tactical perspective, very sound reasoning. I’m impressed.” he said, giving Dean his signature half smile.

“Well, thank you. But you can thank my Dad for it, he drummed it into us from the time we were old enough to drive. Which for me, was aged twelve. I could only just reach the pedals with the seat pulled all the way forward, but I could still take care of my baby.” he said patting her dash affectionately. “I’m gonna have to hike out here every day to start her up, I don’t want her battery goin’ flat and stranding us out here.”

“Something else your father taught you?” Cas asked, opening the passenger side door.

Dean shook his head. “Nah, Bobby taught me that one. My baby is an old lady now, I keep her runnin’ alright, but older cars like this need a little more TLC than newer cars. I’m gonna cover her with a tarp, protect her paintwork from the tree sap and bird shit.” Dean said, climbing out and shaking himself out, stretching his back and legs, cramped after such a long drive.

Sam turned the truck and parked it behind Baby. Jack jumped out before Sam could even turn off the engine. He ran up to Dean and hugged him.

Dean staggered and laughed. “Whoa, not that I don’t appreciate a good old attack hug, but why, Kiddo?”

Jack let go and stepped back. “Thank you for bringing me. This is already amazing. It’s so beautiful here.” he said, looking up and turning around, his arms up and a smile on his face.

“No problem, kid. It was Cas’ idea really. I just rolled with it.” Dean said, looking over at Cas who was smiling at Jacks excitement.

Sam strolled up, shaking his long legs out the same way Dean had. “I see Jack already thanked you. Oh, and now he’s thanking Cas.” he laughed as Jack slammed into Cas, giving him a rib crushing hug.

“Yep. Did you see him nearly bowl me over? Should get him into the NFL, with a tackle like that.” Dean joked.

Sam grinned. “It’s only a short hike over that ridge to the campsite I picked, according to the map. It’s far enough away from the lake so we won’t be bothered by mosquitoes or any animals, but near enough we won’t have to go far for a swim.” he said.

“How many trips will we have to make to haul all this shit?” Dean asked, opening Baby’s trunk and checking the food they’d bought on the way in.

“With all four of us? One of us an angel with super strength? Two. Only because we should set up the camp before coming back for the food. Did you remember the bear bags?” Sam asked.

Dean nodded. “Yeah, I packed the food in them already.” he said smugly as Sam looked surprised. “Lets get set up, we should have enough light left to set up camp and find enough firewood for the night.”

Sam nodded. “Yeah, I’m looking forward to a cup of coffee. I ran out a couple of hours ago.” he said shaking his empty Thermos.

They worked quickly. Unloading Cas’ truck and hauling everything over the nearby ridge. Cas was loaded up like a packhorse, he looked ridiculous, but unbothered. Sam stopped them when they reached the spot he’d picked and Dean took over, instructing everyone on where to set up tents, helping Cas who was totally lost looking at the tent he’d unpacked and laid out. Sam dug a shallow, oblong firepit in the middle of the campsite, brushing away the dead leaves and laying out some rocks around it.

Once they were done, Sam and Cas went to fetch the food and Dean and Jack began collecting firewood. Within an hour, the fire was burning and Sam finally got his cup of coffee, he held it in his huge hands and smiled as he sniffed the aroma.

Dean raked the coals a little. “Hmmm, a little longer and these will be hot enough to cook on.” he murmured. “Who’s up for a steak?” he said excitedly.

Everyone but Cas put their hands up.

“Okay, I’m gonna wrap the potatoes and put ‘em in the coals now, they’ll be ready about the same time.” Dean said, drinking the last of his coffee and grimacing at the bitter dregs.

Cas sat back against a large fallen tree, his eyes closed and a smile on his face, he pulled his knees up and rested his arms on them, he looked utterly at peace.

Jack had a sharpened stick and was digging a football sized rock out of the ground, Dean had tripped over it twice as they were setting up camp, so Jack had taken it upon himself to relocate the rock somewhere out of the way. Sam chuckled as Jack accidentally flicked a clod of mud into his own face.

“I think our best bet for fishing, is real early in the morning.” Dean said, returning to the fire and raking over the coals again. “Probably a good idea to set up the tackle tonight so we can just grab the rods and go after breakfast.” he said, hissing as he pushed the foil wrapped potatoes into the coals he’d raked over.

Sam nodded. “Good idea. What bait are we using?” he asked.

Dean pointed to Jack. “Jack can find us some worms while he’s digging. Other than that, I got nothing because I totally forgot to buy bait.” he confessed with a laugh.

Jack frowned. “We use worms to fish?” he said, screwing up his face in disgust.

“Yup.” said Dean. “You should find a few under that rock, Sam’ll give you a little box to put them in.” he said, cracking open a soda and sitting back next to Cas. “Want me to set you up a rod, Cas?” he asked.

Cas opened his eyes and looked at Dean. “I don’t need a rod to fish.” he said with a shrug.

Dean gave him an odd look. “You’re not gonna pull a miracle or something and part the lake like the red sea are you?” he asked, only half joking. Sam laughed at the imagery.

Cas gave Dean a long suffering look. “No? Maybe when I was a full power I could have done that, but not any more. I was just going to use a sharpened stick.” he said incredulously.

Dean grinned. “Spear fishing? Cool.” he said, sipping the soda and grimacing. “Urgh, When am I allowed to drink one of those beers?” he asked no-one in particular.

Sam shrugged. “No-one is stopping you, Dean. But we only brought 24 beers to last the week between all of us. So the choice is yours.” he said, wishing they’d brought more beer himself, if only to stop Dean whining.

“I know, I just wish we’d brought better soda, this is disgusting.” he looked at the can and made a noise of disgust. “Bubblegum flavour? That’s it, Jack is no longer allowed to buy the sodas.” he said holding the can away from himself as if it was contaminated.

Cas took it from his outstretched hand and sipped it looking thoughtful. “It’s not too bad.” he said with a shrug.

“Yeah, well. You’re just wrong.” Dean grumbled. “Guess I’m drinking coffee.”

“I brought tea, if you’d like to try that.” Cas offered kindly.

Dean looked over at Cas and smiled softly. “Eh, normally I’d say hell no. But it’s got to taste better than that soda. Maybe I’ll give it a try.” he said.

Sam’s eyes bugged out of his head in surprise, but he wisely said nothing, sipping on his coffee and smiling to himself.

As darkness fell, Sam lit the lanterns hanging up around the camp and stoked the fire. The steaks and baked potatoes had gone down well, Jack was laying in his tent, reading a book by torchlight. Dean and Cas were playing checkers with a makeshift board scratched into the dirt and different coloured stones. Dean was actually taking his losses well for once, which was good, because Cas was destroying him.

Sam was tying knots in a length of rope, each one more intricate than the last.

“Remember when Dad had us do those over and over?” Dean said with a chuckle, pointing to the rope in Sam’s hands.

Sam nodded. “Yeah, Bobby bet Dad twenty dollars I could tie him up so well he couldn’t get out without help.” he snorted a laugh.

“He was so pissed when you did it. But he was pretty proud too.” Dean said, frowning when Cas made a move that took all of his stones on the left side of the board.

“Hey, remember when Dad broke his leg when that floor gave way under him?” Sam said holding the rope up and inspecting it from all angles.

“The poltergeist case in DC? Yeah, that was a messy case from start to finish. I’ve never seen so much ectoplasm. What made you think of that?” Dean asked, picking up a stone and putting it down again when Cas shook his head.

“It was the summer we all spent at Bobby’s while Dad was laid up. He gave me that book about rope tying, I think it was an old an old eagle scouts book or something. I lost it years ago, but I found the same book at the supply store. I had to buy it.” Sam said, holding up an old well worn paperback book.

Dean smiled. “That’s great, Sammy. Bobby would have liked that.” he said genuinely pleased for Sam.

“Bobby Singer’s book collection was almost a match for the Men of Letter’s bunker.” Cas commented.

Sam nodded. “Yeah, up until we found the bunker, he was the go to for obscure references and knowledge.” he agreed. “I was thinking that maybe I could do that. Be like Bobby, I mean. The bunker is there, the knowledge is just sitting there collecting dust. I could put it to use, retire from active hunting and just be a consultant.” he said with a shrug.

Dean looked at his brother who was chewing his lip nervously. “Is that what you wanna do? Or are you just doing it for me?” he asked, his voice rough.

Sam shrugged. “Both? Look, you aren’t the only one burned out. I’m pretty much done too. But I can’t walk away entirely. This way I could have it all. I’ll still be helping people, but in a way that means I can have a life too.” he said, smiling.

Dean nodded. “I like it. Are you sure though? I mean, won’t you be tempted to take on hunts yourself?” he asked.

Sam shrugged. “Valid question. I dunno, I guess I won’t know until I try. The younger generation are coming up now, and they don’t have what we had, Bobby. I could never replace him, but I can try to live up to his legacy.” he said, sadly.

“Bobby would be tickled pink to hear you say that.” Dean said, his eyes becoming moist and his throat thick with emotion.

“I think it’s a very good idea, Sam. If my opinion counts, that is.” Cas said, taking Deans hand and squeezing it in a comforting gesture.

Sam looked at the angel and smiled. “It does. It absolutely does, Cas. I’m gonna need your help to get set up properly. Some of the books need translating into English and there are hundreds of files to go through.” he said grinning.

“You could make a hunters app.” Jack suggested, from the doorway of his tent.

“A what now?” Dean said, turning his whole body around to look at Jack.

“An app. For phones. It can have a ton of information on it for hunters. Sam could program it with a reference chart on it. Along with instructions for killing monsters and such. He can also put a noticeboard section with hunts available, if he wants.” Jack said with a shrug. He looked at the three men staring open mouthed at him. “It’s just an idea.” he said shyly.

Sam looked stunned. “Jack, that’s amazing. You’re a genius.” he said excitedly.

Jack looked bashful. “I thought of it when we were on a hunt and you said you wished you had a certain reference book with you.” he said.

“Kid, you get any more ideas like that, you share ‘em. That’s one of the best ideas I’ve ever heard.” Dean praised.

Cas looked proud. “Your idea could save a lot of lives, Jack. I’m very proud of you.” he said, smiling widely.

Jack beamed as he scrambled out of the tent and sat near Sam who threw his arm around Jack shoulder. “I also had an idea for a net that can trap ghosts.” he said, a little more confidently. “And a demon trap that you can roll out and reuse.”

“That’s what I like to hear. Real out of the box thinking.” Dean said, grinning.

“Oh, man. I can digitise the entire Men of Letters library, we could have a workshop to build traps and.. OH! We could train new hunters right there in the bunker!” Sam said excitedly.

“It sounds like you have a real retirement plan, Sam.” Cas said happily.

“Yeah, it does, doesn’t it?” Sam laughed.


	9. Afternoon delight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! *waves*
> 
> Boy, did it get hot in here? Sexy times ahead. Dean learns a thing or two. Cas gets to show off. Time to earn that E rating.

The next few days were spent exploring, fishing and bonding in a way the men had never done before. Without the constant threat of danger hanging over them, they relaxed and enjoyed themselves.

When Sam had discovered a tiny baby skunk in an illegal trap, Cas had freed it while Sam and Dean hid behind a tree, terrified of being sprayed. Cas had healed the little guy and Jack had begged to be allowed to keep it. Dean had put his foot down and said no. Cas had gently explained that the skunk needed to live in the wild, Sam had taken the little guy out to a rangers station, along with the remains of the illegal trap.

Dean hadn’t caught a single fish, much to his disappointment. Jack however had caught the biggest fish from their meagre haul, his face when Dean helped him reel it in was picture worthy. Sam had taken several in fact, before Dean had helped him release it back into the lake. Cas had caught several fish with his hand made spear. He would stand for hours, knee deep in the lake dressed in just shorts, holding the spear aloft until he would suddenly strike into the water, bring the spear back out with a wriggling fish on the end of it. They had cooked several of the small fish on the fire, Cas beaming with pride at having provided a meal for his family.

Sam showed Jack how to build a hammock, Jack was so pleased with it, he refused to leave it for an entire day. Only coming out of it when the camp was hit with a sudden downpour that had them all scrambling into their tents.

Cas had kept a little distance between him and Dean, he was affectionate, but not overly so. He hadn’t asked to share Dean’s tent, nor had Dean suggested it. They seemed content to just spend time together. Although Dean craved the comfort of waking up with Cas in the mornings, he didn’t feel comfortable in sharing a tent so openly just yet. Cas was just making good on his promise not to push.

It was all in all, a perfect holiday.

Cas sat by the fire, gently feeding the flames with the impressive pile of firewood Jack had collected. The sky was beginning to lighten, but the sun had yet to make an appearance. The last of the stars faded in the pink early morning light. The birds were waking up, calling to each other in the surrounding trees and the morning dew covered every surface, giving everything an ethereal, magical look.

Dean unzipped the opening to his tent and peered out. His face was still puffy from sleep and he had a serious case of bed head.

“Mornin’ Sunshine.” he croaked.

Cas gave him a soft look. “Good morning, Dean. I’ll get some coffee going in a moment. Did you sleep well?” he asked.

Dean grunted an answer, swinging his legs out of the tent and shoving his feet into his boots. He shivered in the chilly air and grabbed his shirt from the floor of his tent, shoving his arms in and straightening the collar. He groaned as he stood up, staggering over to where Cas sat on the log by the fire, flopping down next to him and shoving his face into Cas’ chest. “Nightmare, shoulda just let you knock me out again.” he mumbled as Cas put an arm around him comfortingly.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Cas asked, gently rubbing Deans back.

Dean shook his head with out looking up. “Not just yet. Need to process first. Maybe after coffee.” he said, wrapping his arms around Cas’ waist and pressing against him, craving comfort. Cas was only too willing to provide it.

“Okay, we’ll set aside some time for just us today. Would it count as a date, do you think?” Cas asked, looking thoughtful.

Dean looked up. “You wanna take me on a date, Cas? Out here?” he grinned, sitting up and stretching.

Cas smiled back. “Yes. I do. Mostly I just want to have you all to myself for a little while. Is that selfish of me?” he said, pressing a kiss to Deans head.

“Nah, that sounds good, actually. We’ve only got one more day here before we go back, might as well make the most of it.” Dean agreed.

“Let’s get some coffee made. It’s a shame there’s no bacon left. But Sam showed me how to make oatmeal?” Cas offered, moving over to where they had set up the little camp kettle.

Dean grimaced. “Nah, I’ll eat the last of the bread, make some toast on the fire here.” he said, wrapping his arms around himself as Cas began to prepare the coffee.

“What will you do, Cas? If I retire?” Dean blurted out suddenly.

“I’ll stay with you.” Cas replied with a shrug.

“You don’t want to go back to heaven? Won’t you get bored?” Dean asked anxiously.

Cas shook his head. “No, I want a life with you. I’m not exactly welcome in heaven, Dean. But regardless, my place is here, with you. And our family. I can help Sam in the bunker, or you can teach me about cars, the possibilities are endless. For the first time in my life, I don’t have a mission, I can actually do whatever I want. I’d like to enjoy not knowing for a little longer before I make plans for my own retirement.” he said smiling softly.

Dean grinned. “What are you gonna do when I grow old? I’ll look like I bagged myself a boy-toy even though you’re ancient.” he joked.

Cas smiled. “In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m ageing too. Since my powers have been diminished, my vessel is now susceptible to time and it’s effects. I will grow old with you, Dean.” he said with a chuckle.

“Will you die?” Dean asked, worriedly.

Cas shrugged. “Maybe, I’m becoming more human everyday. I don’t know if my grace will last the rest of your lifetime, I may end up becoming completely human.” he said, placing the camp kettle onto the grid over the coals.

“And you’re okay with that?” Dean asked incredulously.

Cas nodded. “If I get to share my one human lifetime with you, it will be worth it.” he said shyly.

Dean looked stunned. “Damn, if that ain’t the most romantic thing ever said to me.” he said, grinning at Cas. “I need to step up my romance game.” he added.

“You want romance? I never took you for a romantic.” Cas teased, lifting the camp kettle and pouring it into the travel mugs they had bought for this trip.

Dean gave a look of mock offence. “Hey, I can be romantic. I’ll romance the shit out of you.” he said, laughing.

Cas raised an eyebrow. “Yes, I can see how romance is at the very core of your being.” he dead panned.

“Well, I’d serenade you, but I don’t think you’d appreciate my singing voice. You don’t eat, so I can’t cook for you. I can bring you flowers, I guess? What do you say?” Dean chuckled.

Cas smiled. “Flowers are acceptable.” he agreed.

“But is it romantic if we agree on it first? Kind of defeats the purpose, doesn’t it? Hamm, I really do need to think about this one.” Dean pondered aloud.

Cas handed Dean the travel mug and sat down beside him. “I have faith in you, Dean. I’m sure you’ll think of something.” he said, sipping his own coffee without flinching at its temperature.

“There’s always sex.” Dean said, looking at Cas out of the corner of his eye and laughing when Cas spat his coffee out in surprise.

“I thought you wanted to take this slow?” Cas said, looking confused as he wiped coffee from his chin.

Dean nodded. “I do. I don’t think I’m ready for.. you know, the whole shebang. But maybe build up to it? Like we talked about before?” he said shyly.

Cas’ eyes lit up. “Well, now I really want to have you all to myself today.” he said excitedly.

“Sneakin’ off for some heavy petting with my boyfriend? I am officially a teenage girl.” Dean said, rolling his eyes and sighing.

“That would make things very awkward if you were.” Cas said drily, bring Dean up short.

“Yeah, ew. I should stop making that comparison, even in my head.” Dean said, sounding disgusted.

“Please do.” Cas said, sipping his coffee and leaning back against the fallen tree behind them.

Dean chewed his lip nervously. “Can I ask a personal question?”

Cas nodded. “Absolutely.”

“When you were with those guys, the ones you slept with? Which one were you? Like were you the one on top, or..?” Dean asked, his cheeks a little pink.

“Oh. You mean was I the one penetrating them or the one being penetrated?” Cas clarified.

“Well, yeah.” Dean cringed at Cas’ terminology.

“I tried both, I found I preferred being the ‘top’ so to speak. Although there are advantages to being penetrated, I found. It was very educational.” Cas said without batting an eyelid.

“Like what?” Dean asked, his voice almost a whisper. He was blushing furiously, but curious.

“Surely you know about your prostate, Dean. It is very pleasurable when it is stimulated. It is actually possible for a man to achieve orgasm several times in a row that way.” Cas said in a low voice, doing something weird to Deans insides. He felt his dick twitch in his pants and his heart rate pick up. Male multiple orgasms? Dean had never heard anything so awesome.

“Really? And you’ve done that?” Dean asked, his voice cracking as his mouth dried up.

Cas nodded. “Yes, It took a little practice, and it helps if the other person is relaxed. My last partner achieved orgasm three times before I did.” Cas said with a hint of pride in his voice.

Deans eyes were huge and round as he stared open mouthed at the angel. Dean had done some kinky shit in his time, he knew all about the prostate, had let a few girls slip a finger in there a few times, had even tried it on himself a couple of times, but had never managed to do anything like that. The twitch was now a full boner, he shifted trying to find a comfortable way to sit without giving himself away.

“I honestly don’t know what to say to that, Cas.” Dean said, still shocked.

“Have I upset you? Talking about previous lovers is probably very distasteful. I apologise.” Cas said, looking contrite.

Dean shook his head. “No! No, I’ll be honest. Being jealous didn’t even cross my mind. Well, not in the way you’re thinking anyway. Besides, I asked. But holy fuck, dude. That sounds...” he trailed off, momentarily lost for words.

“Crass? Boastful?” Cas suggested.

“Fucking _hot_.” Dean finished, giving Cas a hungry look.

Cas looked surprised then gave Dean an honest to goodness _smoulder_. “Really? That turned you on?” he asked, his voice dropping down to sinful levels.

Dean nodded, a tiny smirk on his face. “Yeah, I’m hard enough to hammer nails. You gotta stop or I’ll end up traumatising my brother and Jack.” he whispered.

Cas raised an eyebrow and cut his eyes to Deans crotch, before flicking back up to Deans face. “It’s a bit of a turn on for me, knowing that I have this affect on you.” he said, indicating his own crotch.

Dean looked down and saw a clear outline of Cas’s own situation. Cas was no slouch in the size department, not porn star size, but still nothing to be shy about. He gulped.

How was this Deans life? Two weeks ago Dean was living his life, had never looked at a dude that way, and loved Busty Asian Babes. Now he was sitting in the forest sporting a boner over a very male angel of the lord while fantasising about riding him like a pony.

Charlie would be so proud.

The sun finally decided to make an appearance, sunlight pouring over the horizon and painting the wispy clouds orange. Dean closed his eyes and basked in the glow, cradling his coffee in his hands.

“This is my favourite time of day.” Cas murmured, pressing himself against Deans side.

“It is kinda beautiful.” Dean agreed. “Peaceful too. You can kind of imagine what it was like when there were no people in the world.”

“Earth was a paradise, back then. All of nature woven together like a tapestry, each stitch as important as the next. We angels would look down and marvel at the beauty of his creation. So few of us were allowed to step foot on this sphere. Every time I came here, it seemed the Earth had grown more beautiful since the last.” Cas reminisced.

“Wow, it must have pissed you angels off when humans started ruining the place.” Dean said, sounding apologetic.

Cas nodded. “At first we marvelled at human ingenuity. Then as humans became more and more destructive, some became fearful and despaired that this paradise you had been given was being lost.” he said sadly.

“Many of them begged our father to intervene, to guide humanity back from its wasteful and destructive ways, but he was adamant that you learn for yourselves.” Cas continued.

“Sounds like Chuck alright.” Dean grumbled.

“I have faith, that humanity will find it’s way.” Cas said, a small smile on his lips.

“I’m glad someone does.” Dean sighed, pressing closer to the angel.

************

“Your beard is coming in nicely.” Cas said, stroking Deans fuzzy cheek as they lay side by side on the bank of the lake, drying off after a swim.

Dean turned his head to smile at Cas. “You like?” he asked, a curious eyebrow raised in question.

“I do. You look handsome either way, but I’ve never seen you grow a beard before.” Cas mused, rubbing the pads of his fingers over the bristles.

“Had to keep a clean shaven face for when we posed as FBI agents. Was always worried Sam’s hair was gonna give us away, it ain’t regulation length, that’s for damn sure.” he chuckled, throwing an arm over his eyes to block out the sun.

Cas rolled onto his stomach, looking down at the hunter. “I could grow a beard I suppose.” he said, running a fingertip from Deans chin down to the middle of his bare chest, marvelling as the goosebumps raised on his skin and Dean’s nipples hardened.

“You’d look pretty cute with a beard.” Dean agreed, his breath hitching as Cas’ finger wandered over his chest, circling a nipple.

“I am not cute.” Cas protested, with a pout.

Dean chuckled. “Yeah, you are. Except when you’re smitey, then you’re fuckin’ hot.” he groaned when Cas pinched his nipple playfully.

“You really think so?” Cas asked, sounding surprised.

Dean moved his arm from over his eyes and looked at Cas. “Uh, yeah.” he said sincerely.

Cas looked thoughtful. “But I thought you were not attracted to me before? I thought it was only once you saw me in those clothes?” he asked, his expression a mixture of nervous and confused.

Dean sat up with a sigh, brushing some loose dirt off the back of his arms. “That was when I realised I was attracted to you. I’m pretty sure I’ve been attracted to you for a lot longer than that, Cas. Sam pointed out that I’ve always looked at you for just a little too long to be platonic. I’m just so fuckin’ messed up I didn’t know what it was.” he said, sadly, picking at a loose thread on Cas’ swim shorts.

“That must have been at least as frightening as it was for me.” Cas said, sympathetically.

“You were scared?” Dean asked, surprised.

“Yes, terrified actually.” Cas said, turning to his side and propping his head up to look at Dean.

“I guess you were worried we’d kick you out or something.” Dean said sadly.

“No, it was before I lived at the bunker, long before we knew the bunker existed actually.” Cas said, sitting up and crossing his legs.

“Wow, that’s- Exactly how long ago did you fall in love with me, Cas?” Dean asked, suddenly terrified he knew the answer.

“Before the apocalypse. The first one, anyway. My superiors discovered my feelings about you before I could even identify them properly. I was dragged back to heaven and- Well, reprogrammed.” Cas said bitterly.

Dean’s mouth dropped open in surprise. “Oh my god, that was- Jimmy.” he said, completely shocked.

“Yes.” Cas said, looking away, out over the lake where a light breeze was whipping up the surface.

Dean felt the taste of bile in his mouth. “That’s why you were gonna betray them, tell me what they were planning, wasn’t it?” he asked.

Cas looked at him. “No. No it wasn’t. I was going to tell you because it was the right thing to do. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling back then. I had never experienced emotions until that point. It was only later I realised what it was.” he explained. “When I rebelled.”

“You’ve loved me all this time? Jesus, you must have hated me at times.” Dean said sadly.

Cas shook his head and pressed a hand to Deans face. “Never. It was my burden to bear. I would have loved you forever, even if you never returned my feelings.” he swore. “You owed me nothing. I bear no resentment, I never did.”

Dean leaned forward, his nerves showing on his face. “I’m gonna kiss you.” he whispered.

In lieu of a reply, Cas kissed him instead.

Dean ran his hands over Cas’ torso, it felt a little weird. Girls bodies were soft, whereas Cas was solid, firm and as muscled as his own.

Cas crawled into his lap, still kissing, his own hands roaming from Deans broad shoulders down his front where he circled Deans nipples, pinching him gently and making him gasp into Cas’ mouth.

Dean could feel himself getting hard, his dick pressing against Cas ass as the angel pushed back, giving him a little friction to work with. Dean broke the kiss, moving to the soft skin of Cas’ neck, just behind his jaw. Cas’ breath hitched as Dean nipped it and his hips twitched automatically, pushing forward and revealing that he too, was hard as he pressed his cock against Deans stomach.

“Fuck.” Dean muttered. “I can’t get what you were talking about earlier out of my head.” he admitted, leaning back as Cas kissed his neck.

“Not here, not now.” Cas said, shaking his head. “We have no supplies.”

Dean hissed as Cas pushed him down flat and took a nipple into his mouth. “Fuck!” he breathed out. “I’m so turned on I’m gonna explode.” he whined.

Cas smirked as he straddled Dean, pushing his ass back against Deans cock. “What do you want? Do you want to keep doing this, or are you ready for more?” he asked, looking unsure for a moment.

Dean pressed a shaky hand to Cas cock, feeling it through the swim shorts, amazed at how similar it was to his own, how not weird it felt. Cas closed his eyes, biting his lip.

“I wanna see it.” Dean blurted out.

Cas didn’t answer, he merely undid the tie to his shorts with one hand, loosening the waistband of his shorts with the other.

“Then look.” he said, raising an eyebrow in challenge.

Dean gulped, Cas wanted him to take his cock out for him.

He could do this. It was just a dick, right? He’d held his own enough, it couldn’t be much different, surely?

Hesitantly, he pulled on the waistband of Cas’ shorts, Cas shifted to make it easier and Dean reached inside, looking Cas in the eye the whole time. He flinched when his finger came into contact with the head of Cas’ dick, already wet with precome. Bolstering up his flagging confidence, he wrapped his hand around the shaft, pulling the waistband down and breaking eye contact to look at the dick in his hand.

It was pretty similar to his own. Both in size and appearance, although he wasn’t cut like Dean was. His pubic hair was neatly trimmed and his balls heavy, he felt it twitch in his hand and almost let go in surprise.

“Are you okay?” Cas asked, his voice a little breathy.

“Dean looked up and grinned. “Yeah, I’m okay.” he said, sounding surprised. He ran his thumb over the sensitive underside and up over the head, marvelling at how Cas’ eyes fluttered and his mouth dropped open. He suddenly felt powerful.

“You like that?” Dean asked.

Cas nodded. “Wouldn’t you?” he asked, his eyes dark.

Dean adjusted his grip and began moving his hands up and down the shaft. Cas smiled encouragingly. “Yes, like that.” he whispered.

Deans own dick desperately needed attention. He thrust upwards against Cas ass and groaned.

“Do you want me to touch you too?” Cas asked, leaning forward slightly, pushing his dick into Deans hand a little rougher than Dean had been doing so far.

Dean nodded. “Yeah, please.” he said, almost begging.

Cas lifted himself up, wasting no time in tugging Deans shorts down and kissing his chest as he took Deans cock in hand, spreading precome down the shaft and pumping it just the way Dean liked it, with a strong grip and mostly at the head.

“Do you want my mouth?” Cas asked, kissing the bolt of Deans jaw.

“What? You’d do that?” Dean panted, totally shocked.

“Anything you want, Dean.” Cas assured.

“I dunno- I can’t-” Dean stammered, flushing with embarrassment.

“You don’t have to do that for me, I just want to touch you.” Cas said, guessing correctly Deans fear.

“I wanna make you come too.” he said, sounding whiny to his own ears.

“You will, after.” Cas promised.

Dean nodded.

Cas scooted down and pressed his lips to the head of Dean’s cock, slowly opening them to take it in. He kept going, slowly taking all of it before swallowing, looking Dean in the eye the whole time.

“Fuck!” Dean gasped, pushing his hands into Cas’ hair and resisting the urge to thrust into Cas mouth. His hips twitched with the effort and Cas big hands wrapped around his hips, holding him down as he bobbed up and down Deans shaft.

Cas knew what he was doing, like he’d been doing this his whole life, all several million years of it. Dean threw his head back and gasped and Cas’ tongue dipped into the slit before dropping down again and sucking hard.

“Oh, I’m not gonna last!” Dean warned. “It’s too good.” he said, his stomach tensing, trying to hold off from coming in Cas mouth.

Cas gripped the bottom of his cock and pressed hard, cutting Dean off from coming in his mouth, but the orgasm hit anyway, making Dean almost unhinge his jaw as his head flew back with a gasp. He was amazed when only a tiny bit of spunk came out.

Dean panted and looked down at Cas who winked and began sucking his still hard cock again, the orgasm building again immediately.

“What the fuck.” Dean breathed out heavily.

This time, Cas squeezed his ass cheeks, lifting him of the floor slightly pulling him in and encouraging him to fuck his mouth. Dean hesitated only for a second, thrusting lightly before building up to a faster, deeper rhythm. Cas took all of it, pressing his nose into the pubes at the base of Deans cock and swallowing again. Dean shouted as he came in Cas mouth, his voice echoing back from across the lake.

Dean covered his face as he panted heavily. “Jesus.” he whispered.

Cas pulled off his cock, sucking right to the tip before letting go and making Deans legs twitch with the oversensitivity.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to come in your mouth.” Dean apologised, his arm over his face and his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath.

“I wanted you to.” Cas said, his voice even more raspy than usual as he pulled Deans shorts back up and straddled him again.

Dean looked at him in amazement. “You’re fucking perfect. Y’know that?” he praised.

Cas blushed a little and then hissed as his dick brushed against Deans arm.

Dean looked down and bit his lip. “I got a ways to go before I can do that for you, but I wanna make you come.” he said shyly.

“Just touch me, do what you were doing before.” Cas said gently.

Dean rolled Cas until he was on his back and took his cock in his hand, pumping it and flicking his thumb over the head.

Cas groaned quietly and Dean gripped a little tighter.

“Yes, like that.” Cas said, his hips thrusting a little.

Dean dipped his head and took one of Cas’ nipples in to his mouth, sucking on it gently and Cas gasped.

“I think I want you to fuck me, Cas.” Dean whispered, kissing Cas’ neck.

Cas moaned. Dean felt powerful again. Here was a mighty angel of the lord panting and about to come because of Dean.

“You want that, huh?” he whispered filthily. “You wanna fuck my ass?” he crooned.

Cas nodded, panting as Deans hand sped up.

“You want this to be my tight ass instead, don’t you?” he said with a smirk. “I want you to, I want you to fuck me. I want you to to come deep in my ass, fill me up-”

Cas groaned as he jacknifed off the ground, coming hard all over Deans hand and his own stomach.

Dean almost yelped as Cas suddenly sat up and dragged him closer, kissing him, fucking his mouth with his tongue, rolling on top of him and pressing him into the ground.

He slowed down the kiss, before pulling back and looking at Dean with a slightly dopey expression.

“Was that just dirty talk? Or did you mean it?” he asked, confused.

Dean blushed. “Yeah, I want it.” he admitted shyly.

“You’re sure?” Cas asked again.

Dean bit his lip and nodded. “I can’t stop thinking about it. I’ve had a boner all day.” he laughed.

“Okay, someday soon then.” Cas promised.

Dean nodded then grimaced as he felt Cas’ come drying between them.

Cas looked down and grinned. “Lets wash it off in the lake.” he suggested.

“Okay, but my legs feel like rubber still, so just give me a minute.” Dean agreed, then yelped as Cas picked him up, carrying him to the lake.

“Show off.” he laughed.


	10. Like real people do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! *waves*
> 
> Well, this is it, the last chapter. I actually completed a fic, go me. I'm working on five other fics right now. A follow on from "I saw Daddy kissing Santa Clause". I'm expanding that into a 'verse. Then my other two WIP. I also have a Space AU and another canon based fic that was supposed to be my DCBB. [I had to pull out because of a death in the family.] All of them are nearing completion, I work on them when my health allows me to. 
> 
> So, back to the last chapter. Dean and Sam make an agreement. Cas is a sweetheart. Dean gets an education. More sexy times ahead. 
> 
> Comments and Kudos are appreciated and keep me wanting to write.

“Kind of sad our trip is almost over, but man, I’m looking forward to a decent shower and my own bed.” said Dean, loading the last of their things onto Cas’ truck.

“Yeah, I wanna get started on digitising the library. It’ll make it easier to create an app.” Sam said dreamily.

“Nerd.” Dean muttered. “C’mon. You’re ridin’ with me. Jack’s ridin’ with Cas.” he said, opening the drivers door of Baby.

Sam laughed. “Don’t you wanna ride with your boyfriend?” he teased, climbing into the passenger seat of the Impala.

“We’ll switch it up later. Got something I wanna talk to you about.” Dean said looking nervous as he started the engine.

“Sounds ominous.” Sam said, looking worried, the creases in his forehead deepening.

“Nah, nothing to worry about. Just wanna run a couple of things by you. Once we’re on a real road that is. Don’t wanna scratch my baby.” Dean said giving Cas a thumbs up as he too started his engine.

They sat in silence, unwilling to ruin the peace of the last few days just yet by blaring Led Zeppelin from Baby’s speakers. Dean drove along the track carefully, cursing under his breath occasionally as he steered around the deepest ruts. Once they were on the logging road, Sam turned in his seat to face Dean with an expectant look.

Dean ignored him for a moment, his big brother instincts telling him to annoy Sam as much as possible, just for the sake of it. It never got old, no matter that they were grown men with the tiniest hint of grey to their hair and beards. Dean fully intended to annoy his brother when they were shrivelled old men, if they lived that long.

When Sam had cleared his throat for the third time, Dean finally broke.

“Okay, so we’ve both got a solid plan for retirement, right?” Dean said, glancing over at his brother.

Sam brushed his hair back off his face. “Yeah, it’s gonna take some work, but I think we can make it happen if we decide to do it.” Sam agreed.

“I want out, Sam. I’m done. We’ll get Cas and me some new identities and we’ll go legit. Taxes, mortgage, the works. I need you to promise me, you’ll stop hunting. I can’t settle into a new life, a real life if you’re still out there. I’m gonna ask Mom for the same thing.” he said, his expression serious.

Sam looked thoughtful. “That’s a lot to ask, Dean.” he said quietly.

“No it isn’t, Sam. We’ve been at this since I was four years old. Your entire life! We’ve given enough, lost enough. This is our chance to fucking enjoy the world we saved. We deserve it.” Dean said, irate. “Run the fucking Men of Letters, or whatever you wanna call it instead, but you gotta promise me, no hunting.”

Sam let out a deep breath through his nostrils. “Even if I completely give up hunting, what about Mom? How are you gonna convince her to stop? What would she even do?” he said, his voice raising as he too became angry.

“We’ll figure out something. I know it’s a lot to ask, but after Michael, I just can’t do this any more. I’m so fucked up, Sam, it ain’t funny. Any more of this life and I’m gonna either end up wearing a straitjacket, or I’m gonna eat a bullet if a monster don’t get me first.” Dean growled out.

Sam flinched. “Jesus, Dean. Don’t talk like that.” he scolded.

Dean glanced over at his brother. “Yeah, ‘cause look where not talkin’ about shit has got me so far, Sam.” he sneered. “I’m tellin’ you how it is. Unless anything comes lookin’ for us, I’m out.”

Sam sighed.

Dean clenched the wheel so tight, his knuckles were white as he stared at the road ahead.

“Okay. No hunting. I’ll set up the bunker as a training facility, I’ll consult, but I won’t go on hunts.” Sam said, with a sigh. “You’re right. We’ve done enough. Let the next generation take over.” he dropped his head back onto his seat and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands with a groan.

Dean let out the breath he’d been holding and grinned. “Thank you. Seriously, Sam. This is the right thing to do. We know now there ain’t no quick fix for this shit. Every time we’ve tried to finish it once and for all, it’s blown up in our faces. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.” Dean said, feeling lighter than he had in a long time.

“I guess the correct analogy would be a relay in this situation. Us handing the baton to the younger generation.” Sam mused, making Dean chuckle.

“I guess so, Sam.” he laughed.

************

Without the stop in Ohio, the drive back was long and tedious. Deans back was screaming at him and his neck and shoulders felt like bunched rocks as they drove into the motel that evening.

Since they had been intimate at the lake, Cas had been careful around Dean, it was obvious he was trying not to crowd Dean or smother him. It was also obvious he wanted to be close. Dean gave him a soft smile through the wind shields as he realised that maybe Cas need reassurance that he hadn’t pushed Dean too far.

“Hey, Sam. Would you mind sharin’ with Jack tonight? I need some time with Cas.” Dean asked his brother in a low voice as he climbed out of the car.

Sam shrugged. “Sure. Everything's okay with you two? I’ve noticed that he’s not exactly avoiding you, but he’s holding himself back for some reason.” he whispered back over the roof of the car.

Dean shook his head. “I noticed too. We uh, did some stuff, and I think he thinks he pushed me before I was ready. He’s feeling guilty.” he whispered, his face a little red.

Sam looked surprised. “He has met you, right?” he joked and Dean scowled.

“Dick.” Dean muttered. “No, I just think this is a bit of miscommunication. I wanna head off any future problems.” he said.

Sam look at his brother proudly. “Look at you, being a mature adult in a relationship.” he said with a smile. “They grow up so fast.” he said, pretending to cry.

“Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up, dickhead. I’m actually a decent boyfriend when I get the chance.” he said, rolling his eyes.

Sam looked over at Cas who wasn’t doing a very good job of pretending he wasn’t watching. “I think you both are. You two are gonna be sickening, I just know it. You guys got what it takes to make it, you know? I call dibs on giving you away at your wedding.” he said, pointing a finger at Dean.

Dean laughed. “Eh, you’ll have to fight Mom for it.” he joked.

Sam looked serious for a moment. “Take it slow with the sex side of things. He hasn’t got much experience, it’s what leads to misunderstandings like this.” he warned.

Dean burst out laughing.

Sam looked confused. “What? Why are you laughing?” he asked, watching his brother fold over with tears in his eyes.

Dean looked up at his brother. “Yeah, Cas isn’t as innocent as we thought. Turns out he was a little bit of a man whore actually. Had several fuck buddies of the male _and_ female variety on the side.” he whispered.

Sam's mouth dropped open and he looked over at Cas with new eyes. “No way.” he breathed out. “Really?” he asked Dean.

Dean nodded. “Oh, yeah. Apparently it was very educational. He learned all about the male multiple orgasm.” Dean confided.

Sam choked on his own spit. “Jesus.” he coughed. “That’s a real thing?” he asked, his eyes wide.

Dean looked smug. “Can confirm.”

Sam looked over at Cas again. “Holy shit.” he said a little louder than he intended.

Cas was blushing furiously and he looked pissed. Dean suddenly remembered that Cas had super angelic hearing and blushed himself.

“Uh oh. I think I’m in trouble. I forgot he can hear everything we say.” Dean said looking regretful.

Sam cringed. “Whoops. Sorry Cas.” he murmured as his own cheeks went pink. He almost ran to the office to book the rooms.

Dean walked over to Cas and put his arms around him. “I’m sorry.” he said, pressing a kiss to Cas’ cheek, right by his ear. Cas remained stiff, not responding to Deans ministrations.

“Why did you do that?” Cas said, sounding annoyed. “Those things are meant to be between private, only between us.”

Dean felt like an asshole. He stepped back with a contrite look on his face. “I dunno. Partly to shock Sam, partly to brag about how hot you are?” he said, guiltily.

“Joking is one thing, Dean. But those were things I only told you in confidence. When I was with those other people, it was at low points in my life, when I felt alone. To hear you saying those things, like that.. it hurts.” Cas said, he looked to be on the verge of tears as he pulled away from Dean.

Dean covered his face with his hands. So much for being a decent boyfriend, he’d hurt Cas badly. He dropped his hands and chased Cas who was walking towards his truck. Dean panicked, Cas was so upset, Dean had managed to drive him off already.

“Cas! Cas, I’m sorry. That was a dick move. I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I did, and I’m really sorry. Please don’t leave.” he begged.

Cas looked confused. “I wasn’t leaving, I was getting my backpack? We can talk about this in our room, _in private_.” he said, emphasising the last two words with a growl.

Dean felt a rush of relief. “Thank fuck.” he breathed. “I thought I fucked up.”

Cas gave him a bitch face that rivalled Sam’s. “You did. It doesn’t mean I’m going to leave, Dean.” he said snarkily.

Dean nodded. “Sorry.” he murmured, looking sheepish.

Cas approached him, leaning in close, he whispered in his ear. “Besides, if you are going to brag, I’d better give you something better to brag about.” before walking over to meet Sam, snagging one of the room keys and walking over to one of the room, letting himself in.

Dean stood open mouthed in the parking lot, staring into space. Sam walked up to him with a questioning look. “Everything okay? You look spooked.” he said stopping in front of Dean with a look of concern.

Dean looked up at his brother. “I think I’m about to get laid.” he said, his eyes wide.

Sam gave him a disgusted look. “Dude, overshare much? Didn’t Cas _just_ get pissed at you for this?” he said, stepping back.

“Yeah, shit.” Dean said, still looking spaced out. “I’ll see you in the morning, Sam.” he mumbled, hurrying to his room without looking back.

Sam shook his head and looked over at Jack who looked bewildered. “Come on Jack. It’s just us for dinner tonight.” he said, looking tired. “But first we’re switching rooms to one at the other end of the motel.”

****************

Tears streamed from Deans eyes as he panted, face down on the bed. Cas had wrung two orgasms out of him already. The second one had seemed to go on forever, making Deans abs ache. Cas had opened him up so slowly, massaging his prostate until he’d come without a drop of spunk coming from his dick. Now he was rimming him, the inside of his ass cheeks burned from Cas’ scruff and he was on the verge of begging as Cas’ long tongue flicked in and out of his hole.

Dean never thought he’d ever beg to get fucked in the ass, but here he was, a needy mess, crying and whimpering when Cas switched back to his fingers, adding more lube in the process.

“Do you want this?” Cas asked, running a hand up the inside of Dean’s thigh and up over the curve of his ass, giving it a squeeze as he pulled his fingers out.

“Fuck, I want-” Dean panted. Cas kissed up his spine, nipping at his shoulders. The bastard was still fully clothed and Dean could feel Cas’ tented jeans pressing into the back of his leg.

“You can say no, at any time. But, I need a yes to continue.” Cas whispered, his hands caressing Deans torso.

“Yeah.” Dean breathed out. “Yeah, do it Cas.” He went to move and Cas stopped him with a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Stay on your front, it’s easier for you, this first time.” Cas murmured. “I won’t hurt you, it’ll be good, I promise.” he said, kissing the side of Deans neck with small feather light kisses.

Dean felt nervous, but grateful that he’d be facing away from Cas. It did make it easier, somehow. He didn’t think he could look Cas in the eyes right now if he tried.

Cas moved to the edge of the bed and began stripping his clothes. Dean looked over his shoulder as Cas stood up and dropped his jeans to the floor, along with his underwear, his cock curved up towards his stomach as he rolled a condom down it’s length.

Dean gripped the pillow in front of him and took a deep breath as Cas climbed back on the bed, pushing Deans legs apart to make room for himself.

“You’re shaking. We can stop if you want to.” Cas said, running his hands up Deans body as he pressed himself against Dean’s back, his dick slotting between Dean’s legs.

“Just nervous and keyed up.” Dean reassured the angel. “I want this.”

“Okay, Just relax as much as you can. I won’t hurt you, I promise.” Cas said, his voice calm and soothing.

Dean felt the blunt head of Cas cock between his ass cheeks and tensed automatically.

“Relax, Dean. If you relax it doesn’t hurt.” Cas murmured. Dean did his best to relax as Cas began pushing in, to his surprise it didn’t hurt, there was a bit of a burn, but no worse than when Cas had first started fingering him open.

“Oh.” he gasped as Cas drew back a little before pushing in a little further. “That’s-”

“Not as bad as you thought, is it?” Cas chuckled as he again drew back a little, pushing in again, a little further each time.

Dean felt the slight drag, eased by the sheer amount of lube Cas had used. It was weird, feeling so full, but not painful, just a slight ache.

“Nah, it’s weird, but- not bad weird?” Dean gasped as Cas finally bottomed out.

“It’ll start feeling really good soon.” Cas said, pressing kisses to Deans shoulders, trying not to put too much of his weight on the man below him. “You feel amazing.”

“It kinda pinches.” Dean said, clenching the muscles in his ass and making Cas grunt.

“If you keep doing that, I’m going to come.” Cas gasped, and Dean grinned as he realised he’d cracked the angels composure.

“I think you can move.” Dean said as he pushed back experimentally, revelling in the feeling of Cas’ cock pressing inside.

Cas responded by pulling back and pushing back in in a long, deep glide, setting a rhythm that had Dean curling his toes.

Dean’s hands scrabbled on the bed, gripping the sheets as Cas’ cock slid over his prostate, then again and again, sending sparks up his spine. “Whoa!” he squeaked.

Cas let out a dark chuckle. “Told you.” he said sounding smug.

Dean lifted his ass, trying to meet Cas thrust for thrust, he could feel his own cock dragging on the comforter as Cas rhythm was thrown off briefly. It took a couple of seconds but they settled back into a steady pounding rhythm that made Dean’s breath come out in tiny gasps.

Cas’ hand reached for Deans and covered it, threading his fingers and gripping as he picked up speed, pressing his forehead to the space between Deans shoulders.

“You feel- so good. So good, Dean.” Cas panted, his hips slamming into Dean over and over. “I need to you come up, I need to touch you.” he growled, gripping Deans hips and lifting him effortlessly.

Dean gasped as Cas lifted him into his lap without pulling out, almost bringing the comforter with him, his grip on it was so tight.

Cas wrapped his arms around Deans middle and pistoned his hips, fucking up into Dean with purpose and brushing his prostate on every stroke. Dean could feel his orgasm slowly building again, he was suddenly terrified that Cas would come before he could reach it.

Cas seemed to sense it and reached for Deans cock, his big hand gripping it and pumping as he held him around the middle, pulling him as close as he could.

Dean was at a loss with what to do with his hands, he reached back and grabbed Cas’ thigh, feeling the muscles move as Cas thrusted relentlessly, the other settled over Cas’ hand on his cock, lacing his fingers as they both pumped him together.

Dean realised he was making a high pitched keening sound as the build towards orgasm took over completely. It felt too good to feel any sort of embarrassment though.

“Cas, gonna-” he gasped out.

Cas panted against the back of his neck. “Me too. I’m close, it’s so good.” he almost growled.

Deans orgasm was intense, come coating his and Cas’ hands as his whole body curled over with a loud groan.

Cas followed seconds later, pushing himself deeper with a grunt. Dean could feel his cock swell and kick as he emptied himself into the condom.

Dean sagged back into Cas’ arms, completely spent. He winced as he felt a twinge of pain in his back and ass. Cas wrapped his arms around him, pressing the side of his face into the back of Deans shoulder.

“I love you.” Cas mumbled, pressing a kiss onto Deans neck.

Dean felt tears welling up, he couldn’t understand it. Suddenly all he wanted to do was cry.

“Fuck!” he said, bringing his hands up to cover his face as a sob escaped.

“Oh, Dean. It’s okay.” Cas said, sympathetically. “Hang on, beloved.”

Cas pulled out, still holding Dean around the waist, he tossed the condom off the edge of the bed and guided Dean down onto the mattress, curling up underneath him so Deans head was on his chest.

Dean cried silently as Cas ran a hand through his sweaty hair, occasionally wiping away the tears.

“I dunno what’s wrong with me.” Dean said, embarrassed.

“Allowing yourself to let go, both physically and emotionally like that can be overwhelming. You have nothing to be ashamed of.” Cas said soothingly.

“Yeah, I bet you didn’t cry the first time you took a dick in the ass.” Dean said nastily, pushing himself up and wiping his face. He grimaced at the slippery feeling between his ass cheeks.

“No, I cried later. Alone in my car.” Cas said, sadly.

Dean felt like a dick. It _was _overwhelming, but at least he was loved, at least Cas was here for him. Cas had had that experience with a stranger, then left to deal with it alone. He turned to face Cas, looking ashamed.

“I’m sorry.” he mumbled. “I didn’t mean to snap at you, I just -”

Cas leaned forward, cupping his jaw in his hand. “I know, Beloved. Lets get you cleaned up, so I can hold you. Are you in any pain?” he asked gently.

Dean shrugged. “A little sore, my back hurts a little, legs feel weird.” he said, his cheeks going red.

Cas answered by pressing two fingers to his head, immediately soothing the aches. “Would you like a shower?” he asked.

Dean nodded. “Yeah, kinda messy with two guys, huh?” he said, with a chuckle.

Cas grimaced and nodded. “Yes, but it was worth it.” he smiled back. “Was it too much for you?” he asked, a slight hint of nervousness in his tone.

“Cas, that was the best sex I’ve ever had. I’m ruined for anyone else.” Dean said laughing.

Cas went pink. “You really liked it?” he asked, looking pleased.

“Yep. We are definitely doing that again.” he said eagerly. “Might have to soundproof my room though, I think I got pretty loud there for a minute.” he said, going red again.

Cas smirked. “I was tempted to cover your mouth at one point, I’ll admit.” he chuckled.

Dean felt a twitch in his cock and his eyes lit up at the thought of Cas holding him down and covering his mouth as he fucked him. “That’s an idea too.” he agreed, winking at Cas. “I’ve got a few ideas along those lines, actually.”

Cas looked momentarily taken aback, then grinned wolfishly. “I see. That’s something we can talk about, absolutely.” he said, looking eager. “Now, lets get a shower. I want to hold you while you sleep.” he said bossily, standing up from the bed, holding his hands out towards Dean.

“Yes, sir.” Dean grinned, allowing Cas to pull him up from the bed.

*************

Despite Cas healing him the night before, Dean still walked with a slight limp the next morning. Sam had done his best not to laugh at Deans predicament after Cas had glared at him in warning. Sam had learned from Deans mistake about pissing off the nerd angel.

The pair had been inseparable all day, exchanging soft looks and touches over breakfast at the diner, pressing close to each other and smiling shyly, holding hands in the Impala as Dean drove back to the bunker.

Sam was thrilled for them, even picking Cas’ pocket to steal the keys to his truck so Cas would have to ride with Dean for the drive back. The fact he was beginning to feel nauseated by them was only a tiny part of it. Sam was just a big old romantic, really.

Jack was over the moon for them once he had asked Sam some awkward questions about why they were being so lovey-dovey. Sam had stammered out a brief explanation about couples and affection, completely chickening out from telling him that Cas and Dean had finally had sex.

Dean had a dopey look on his face every time he looked at the angel. Cas had smiled more in the last few hours than Sam had seen him smile in the last decade. It made Sam’s own chest ache a little, no matter how happy he was for them.

Arriving back at the Bunker, Mary greeted them with smiles and hugs. Giving Dean an approving look as he slipped a hand into Cas’ as they walked through the bunker corridors towards the kitchen where Mary had put together a dinner of frozen pizza, cheesy garlic bread and sodas.

With everyone around the map table, sipping on sodas and talking over each other about their trip, Sam allowed himself to really feel that retirement was the right thing to do, not just what Dean wanted. He knew he could stand to see more of this in his future. Maybe he’d find himself someone to share it with too. Mary had already agreed to help train new hunters, she planned on moving into the bunker permanently, to help Sam get set up.

They had decided to rename the bunker, The Hub was a fitting name for what Sam planned to be the centre of all hunting in North America.

Cas’ phone rang and he stood up to answer it, his face breaking out into a soft smile. “It’s Claire, she’s outside and wants to be let in.” he said, hanging up and almost running for the stairs up to the main door.

Everyone stood up to greet Claire as she came down the curved steps. Hugs were exchanged and Dean let out a soft ‘oof’ as Claire slapped him on the stomach as she passed him to hug Mary.

“Thanks kiddo.” Dean said, rubbing his stomach and smiling.

“No problem, old man.” Claire said cheekily as she handed her bag to Cas who placed it on the chair behind him. “I missed out on the camping trip, so I thought I’d swing by and..” she trailed off as she saw that Cas and Dean were holding hands. “Huh. Guess I missed a couple of other things too.” she said, her eyebrows raised in surprise.

Cas looked guilty and Dean blushed. Everyone else stood around awkwardly with _oh shit_ expressions.

“Uh, yeah. So, Cas and me are, uh.. together.” Dean said awkwardly. He’d forgotten that Cas was essentially wearing Claire’s father, it had to be weird for her.

Claire crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. “I can see that, dumb ass.” she said snarkily. “When did this happen?” she asked, pointing between them, her face like stone.

Cas stepped forward. “A few days ago. But I have had feelings for Dean for a very long time.” he admitted, looking guilty.

Claire nodded tightly. “I knew that too. I was your vessel once remember? I could feel how you felt about him, and how scared you were. I just never figured Dean would ever get the balls to do something about it.” she said shaking her head and turning away.

“Claire, I’m sorry if this is weird for you. I really am. But we’re in love. We’re gonna retire, get a place together, maybe even get married someday. If you don’t think you can deal with it, well, I don’t know what to tell you.” Dean said stepping forward and putting his arm around Cas protectively. Cas leaned against him, giving him a sad smile.

Claire turned, her eyes bright with tears. “I’m not mad, dumb ass. Yeah, it’s a little weird, but I can deal. I just wanted to be sure you really do love him. He deserves that. I felt what he felt. You have no idea how much he loves you or how lucky you are. If you hurt him, I’ll kill you.” she warned, stepping over to Cas to hug him. Cas opened his arms and pulled her in, hugging her tightly, a single tear rolling down his cheek.

Mary stood watching, putting her arm around Jack who still looked worried. “It’s okay, Jack. She’s not mad.” she reassured Jack quietly.

Claire broke the hug, wiping the tear from Cas’ face and then wiping her own. “Yeah, Jack, I’m not mad, I just have to look out for Cas. The dork needs someone to.” she said, grinning over at Jack, who looked a little relieved, as did everyone else.

Cas looked at Dean with a look of wonder on his face. “Wait. Did you say _get married_?”


End file.
